Quote from: Traci091176 on March 23, 2018, 01:57:17 AMGuess I'm looking for suggestions on how some of you came out to the most important person in your life and wondering how many of you girls have been in the same boat so to speak, and how many of your fears were real in the end, and how many is just the mind trying to protect itself from stepping off the porch into the unknown world ahead.
Coming out, especially in the beginning, is probably the most scary thing you have ever done. Most of us have been in that position. You will get through it, but there is only one way: forward.
My wife was the first person I told, and I was almost paralyzed with fear. It took me six months to get up the nerve. Fear of what? That she would leave me, of course. She didn't. I rehearsed the words I was going to use over and over, until I had them memorized. And I practiced the answers to her inevitable questions. So by the time I finally told her, I was able to go on autopilot, and I got the words out. After that, it got easier.
I was afraid of how my neighbours would react. I live in a very rural area: the total population of the village and surrounding farmland is maybe 300 people. They are mostly farmers, fishermen, and hillbillies. There was lots of potential for it to go badly.
I decided to tell them at the weekly community coffee gathering. Again, I planned it carefully, memorizing what I wanted to say. They were suitably surprised, asked a couple of questions, then went on talking about other stuff. Nothing bad happened. The "grapevine" quickly filled in whoever was not at coffee.
I was a lot more confident telling my neighbours than when I told my wife. It was nine months later, and I had come out successfully (and happily) to quite a few friends and relatives in that time. And I was three months on HRT by that time, so I knew for sure that this was the right thing for me.
You ask how many of my fears were real. As it turned out:
none of them!! Nothing bad has happened to me, and a lot of good has happened. I mentioned on another thread how my dentist (a feminist in an all-female practice) hugged me when I told her I was transitioning. Random people I meet, like store clerks and bank tellers, are polite and helpful. I came out by email to a couple of large groups I am a member of. I received a huge number of supportive emails in both cases. I gave a public talk on a technical subject to one group, as my new self, about three months after I went full-time. I was a bit worried, as I had no idea who might be there, but it was all good. I had several people come up to me and tell me how useful the talk was for them.
The mind plays tricks trying to protect you. It tells you that you are about to step out of an airplane at 10,000 feet without a parachute. And it turns out to be a step of six inches, onto a sunny meadow.
I am not saying that bad stuff can't happen: it can, obviously. But for most of us, the real world is not as bad as our fears.
