Scared to come out

[Claire]

This week in Philadelphia is the Trans Wellness Conference https://www.mazzonicenter.org/trans-wellness/schedule/2018-08-02

August 2nd to August 4th. Free for non professionals. I went last year and am going this year. I never felt so included in my entire life. I didn't present differently, just showed up. Not sure how I will present this year. People were all just being themselves.

I was sad to leave and it was weird because the outside world felt like the false.

Hope to see some of your there!
Claire.

[Danielle Kristina]

Danielle,

Do you live with family? Do you depend on them financially? If you told them and they got abusive in any way, could you get away and get space?
Moni

Hi Moni,

I have my own place.  I don't depend on family financially, but if I did I wouldn't be in any jeopardy in those regards if I came out.  I'd still be loved.  I know it's silly of me to be so afraid of coming out when I would still be loved and financially supported by my family, because I know that there are many trans people who would and are disowned by family for being trans.  They wouldn't support my being trans nor my transition, and some members would most likely feel weird being around me if they knew I was trans, but I wouldn't be cast out of the family either.  The reason I know this is because my sister came out and I know what she went through.

On the other hand, my sister is a very hard person to love. She's selfish, immature, and conniving.  Basically, she's "cried wolf one too many times" and "burned too many bridges".  Long story short, she is not easy to be around.  This has nothing to do with her being trans.  She has been difficult since long before she came out, so that might have something to do with it.  So many of us are tired of putting up with her and tired of being used.  Not only I feel this way about her, but so does the entire family and many of her former friends, so it's not just me having a grudge or a resentment toward her.

That brings up another part of my fear: that I'll be seen as being something like her if I come out.  If and when I do come out I want them to see that while I am trans, just as my sister is, she and I are completely different people, and being trans does not change the good person I am any more than it changes the way my sister is.

[Danielle Kristina]

This week in Philadelphia is the Trans Wellness Conference https://www.mazzonicenter.org/trans-wellness/schedule/2018-08-02

August 2nd to August 4th. Free for non professionals. I went last year and am going this year. I never felt so included in my entire life. I didn't present differently, just showed up. Not sure how I will present this year. People were all just being themselves.

I was sad to leave and it was weird because the outside world felt like the false.

Hope to see some of your there!
Claire.

Hi Claire,

I'm still new to living as a trans person.  It's only been about three months or so since accepting myself as transgender.  I've never been to an event before nor attended any parades, since until recently indidnt know I was trans though I've dealt with my gender identity all my life.  I just thought I was a straight, cisgender male who couldn't stop cross dressing for some reason.  About three months or so The flood gates opened up and Danielle came busting out.  Suddenly Danielle wasn't an occasional expression, but a very real part of who I am.  I suddenly started dressing full time at home, and though I still present myself as male outside the house I wear panties full time.  I started going to sessions with a gender therapist and after talking with her as well as a great deal of reflections and interactions with other trans people here on Susan's, I came to accept that I'm trans.  I realized that I spent my entire life in denial about who I really am, especially denying it to myself.

I don't have the financial resources nor the time to attend events across the country (I have a busy schedule between work, school, and other responsibilities), but when they come here to Houston I'd like to go.  Houston in general is a pretty LGBTQ-friendly city, relatively speaking and has an active LGBTQ community.  Still, I don't know if I'd actually have the courage to go, especially dressed as myself, but I would like to mingle with other transgender people.  I think I could learn a lot from them as well as actively participate with my transgender community.  However, I still don't think I'm brave enough for that yet.  I really would like to go though.


Danielle

[HappyMoni]

Danielle,
   You are not silly to feel as you do. It hasn't been long that you have realized you are trans. I am not trying to quicken your pace of coming out if you are not mentally ready. I guess I would like to let you know that all these things that you see as, "OMG, I can't do that. People will turn their back on me." All the collective fears, are possible to get past and have a good quality of life without the trans monkey on your back. It was 3 years ago that I went to the Philly Trans conference that Claire spoke of. I was dressed as I guy except I had a bra under my male clothes and a bracelet on. I was really really scared. The fear that someone might think of me as something other than that safe outer shell I had used for so long, was paralyzing. Well, taking things a step at a time, today I am 97% transitioned, female and loving it. Oh, and I had two grown sons to get on board with all my changes. You have to decide your pace. I guess I am writing because these fears can make you put your happiness on hold for a long time. If you are sure that transitioning is right for you, putting it off will not make doing it any easier.
   After hearing about your sister, I wonder if the treatment she got had a lot to do with her personality. You being a very different person, could see very different treatment. As you come out, the fear doesn't stay forever. Well, in my case anyway. I shouldn't speak for everyone. My fear turned into a sense that others have no right to judge me or treat me badly because I am trans. At some point you can develop pride in being how/who you are too. Unfortunately, you really can't skip the hard parts to get there. Just know that you can do this.
Moni

[KatieP]

Ashely3...Thanks for sharing. Katie P Is peaved but hey.

My apologies, Dawn. I assure you that I had no peave whatsoever intended in my post in any way. After I looked through the programs, I honestly didn't know.

Ashley3: Thanks so much for actually trying to answer. I can assure you too that my question was earnest, based on curiosity. (And, since I am often in Seattle, it had occurred to me that I could be there 9 - 12 August...)

And Danielle, my apologies to you for the minor thread hijack...

Kate

[Danielle Kristina]

My apologies, Dawn. I assure you that I had no peave whatsoever intended in my post in any way. After I looked through the programs, I honestly didn't know.

Ashley3: Thanks so much for actually trying to answer. I can assure you too that my question was earnest, based on curiosity. (And, since I am often in Seattle, it had occurred to me that I could be there 9 - 12 August...)

And Danielle, my apologies to you for the minor thread hijack...

Kate

Kate, not to worry!  I'm learning from you all.  This is a whole new world to me, so I'm learning as much as I can.  I told my therapist this: I've been dealing with my gender identity my entire life and it's still so new to me.

[Ashley3]

I forgot to add keynote speakers. So, not sure, but I think the high-level of what Pro attendees can pick-and-choose from consists of what's at the following pages...

http://www.genderodyssey.org/seattle/professional/
http://www.genderodyssey.org/seattle/2018-keynote-speakers-seattle/
http://www.genderodyssey.org/seattle/events/

So I received part of the answer from the Gender Odyssey people...

Hi Ashley, I can respond more completely tomorrow, but the short answer is that our GO Medical program is free of charge this year, although you do need to register in advance or at the door. This will give you access to GO Med sessions as well as the vendors and social events on Friday and Saturday. ... Hope that helps! ...

So it seems you can go to quite a bit of Gender Odyssey for free. I'll pass on anything else I hear about.

I realize discussing Gender Odyssey is not central to this thread... was just conveying what I'd heard since we had touched upon it. There may be a lurker from Seattle who is reading this thread so one never knows but forgive any info overload to those not interested.

[Danielle Kristina]

So I received part of the answer from the Gender Odyssey people...

So it seems you can go to quite a bit of Gender Odyssey for free. I'll pass on anything else I hear about.

I realize discussing Gender Odyssey is not central to this thread... was just conveying what I'd heard since we had touched upon it. There may be a lurker from Seattle who is reading this thread so one never knows but forgive any info overload to those not interested.

Ashley, no forgiveness is necessary.  I am learning so much just by reading all the posts.  I never knew much about Gender Odyssey or any other trans community events.  Now that I know, I'm intrigued.  Not only that,  now I wish I could go!  I want to interact with other trans people in person, though I admit I am still scared to present the real me.

[DawnOday]

Friends. I am sorry for my social ineptness and that sometimes I can be off putting because all I have to compare with is my experience. My experience has been hiding my secret for half a century. I am just now learning to interact with people and it is the HRT that is making that possible. I actually feel like a new person and the feeling is great. Honest answer I don't know what is at Gender Odyssey that would be of interest to someone who has had all the surgeries and have found peace in themselves. I do know the professional tract is described here has some programs that might be of assistance. http://www.genderodyssey.org/seattle/professional/
When I went I was on HRT only a short while and for someone who is in search of themselves it was like walking through heaven.

Again if I offend it is not my intention. I'm getting better but still have a long way to go.

[Ashley3]

... I do know the professional tract is described here has some programs that might be of assistance. http://www.genderodyssey.org/seattle/professional/
When I went I was on HRT only a short while and for someone who is in search of themselves it was like walking through heaven.

Again if I offend it is not my intention. I'm getting better but still have a long way to go.

Great info... and experience! ...and we all have our "days," I'm certain of that!

...and even if one is past Medical needs... if one is really interested in seeing if the GO event has anything, I'd recommend still perusing not only the Medical track sessions, but also the other freebies that come with it, keynotes, events, and vendor exhibits.

When I last went in 2014, I got a chance to catch two inspiring/informative keynotes and "wind down" party where I recall nice hors d'oeuvres, a drink or two (paid out of pocket), and nice conversation. I also caught the vendor exhibits where I got some business cards for someone who makes earrings and those sorts of things.

So Medical track being free is really a bunch of things free, not just medical sessions... site has details. Some things are only available to Pro but not all. See schedules etc.