Motivations, Dreams, Arousal and HRT

[ConfusedSarah]

Hi Everyone,

I have been trying a low dose regime for over 12 months at varying dosages. More recently I had upped the estrogen to increase energy levels, my testosterone levels have basically nil for long period of time. I noticed after the increase of estrogen that my sex drive had restored itself a little bit nothing like pre, but up from non-existent. As a result I would dream about making love to my wife very vivid dreams. Pre HRT on full blown male hormones it would be a mix of regular dreams of all sorts particularly dressing. Like most of us I want get off the blockers due to side effects of long term use. I stopped blockers about 2 weeks ago and now the dressing dreams have started and I can sense that sexual inspired dressing noise returning.

I am happy with the changes from HRT, social tranistion remains a  massive barrier, but this sexual driven dressing desire from rising testosterone irks me and makes me question my whole motivation for going on this journery in the first place?

Can anybody relate experiences? 

Sarah 

[Kirsteneklund7]

Hi Sarah
One thing about HRT is it has the tendency to eliminate or extinguish a thing called your "fantasy". Your fantasy is a feedback loop that gets fed by androgens. As people running on male concentrations of androgens the thought of sexual activity is never really off ones mind. The physical urge creates mental response that creates more physical urge that creates a drive for release and resolution. As you mentioned the fantasy can focus on one's wife, cross-dressing or even a kink. HRT can shut down the feedback loop. It can be an excellent way to reassess ones status quo.
Unfortunately I don't know how to maintain the peace and harmony of HRT without androgen blocker or orchiectomy. I am seriously considering orchiectomy but worry about the downside for SRS. I think if reproduction is not an issue then orchiectomy is not really a problem and testosterone supplement can be used if required.
Sarah you are quite right in your concern over long term effects of androgen blocker.
Yours truly, Kirsten.

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[Chloe]

I am happy with the changes from HRT, social transition remains a  massive barrier, but this sexual driven dressing desire from rising testosterone irks me . . .

       Sarah I sympathize with your plight but arousal from cross-dressing can be healthy & normal, many cis women experience it too. If your fear of a successful social transition interferes with that desire then perhaps a different, safer blocker is in order as well? What is it we fear most? Dysphoria or it's supposed "cure"?

Have you ever read this blog? ( copy/paste -> "lostintransgender.org/2018/06/the-fear-of-becoming-woman.html" )

"I'm hoping that I can skirt the issue between genders... living work as male and everything else as female. I understand this is a very limited and difficult existance (and possibly not fulfilling), but I have no choice. No therapist has shown me a way to get rid of this... and years of willpower and denial made me angry and almost suicidal, so..."

Be curious as to what others think . . .