Hello all!
After several alluring teases the warm weather is finally upon us here in NJ and I'm absolutely here for it. Finally I get to play with some transitional spring/summer looks including these EXTRA pants I got from Old Navy with all over daisy print that make my butt look large (in a good way!) BA-DONK? XD
Anyway a picture speaks a thousand fabulous words!
I felt like this outfit was a risk from top to bottom but somehow it came together and got my squad's approval(which given my history of not getting their approval shows how far I've come with these fashion experiments!)
Speaking of warm weather clothes a short sleeve shirt I ordered arrived here last week. It's from a design painted by the professional vulgarian, artist of Bojack Horseman, and all around icon of ladyship, Lisa Hanawalt. I love how colorful it is and... horses. I could have gotten one delightfully covered in naughty bits but I don't think I want that kind of attention.
I actually wore it on a mini vacation down to Cape May (a kind of old seaside resort town at the end of New Jersey) with the fam which you can see here:
I know I was telling you all how excited I was to attend my friends' wedding on Easter weekend and it did not disappoint! I decided to wear the dress I bought for sentimental reasons when I was out dress shopping with K and the squad for the rock and roll wedding plus I finally have comfortable, chic heels that go perfectly with it. DESTINY!
BOOM. Did I mention it was a nerd wedding and they totally got the real Chevy Impala "Baby" from Supernatural for us to take pictures with?!? There are some of me in the trunk looking smexy, but they ARE NOT flattering in the least. Hahaha. Know your
angels angles, girl. XD
At the wedding, a couple thin Moscow Mules deep and I started getting my flirt on (harmless fun!) Have to say that I was vibing pretty well with HAMBONE, THE KARAOKE KING OF LYNDHURST, NEW JERSEY. (For real, that's how he was introduced to me) Sorry ladies, he's married. XD
I think I graduated to hair flip levels of flirtosity.
That same weekend someone confessed their love to me over Facebook. He's a part-time mall santa so I definitely am developing
a type...but no, he's a cool guy just, you know, I'm married, he's older, I don't even know if I like men that way. THE USUAL. It was good practice on graciously acknowledging but not encouraging further feelings.
The more I write about it, the more I see that I'm a woman-in-training still XD because so much of this is new territory to me.
Lastly, two more stories and then I'll skedaddle. This week I submitted my name change paperwork and got a haircut. It's been a long time coming. The new cut is similar to the old but I ditched the layers and have committed to a look that reads female no matter how I style it.
My longtime friend Y said, "you're getting better at this." and well, I have to agree. I think I'm pretty much "there," which is why I've started to ask myself those bigger questions. Like, what kind of woman do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to have?
This is going to sound like humble bragging but I swear it happened and I swear it took me by COMPLETE surprise. I was walking through downtown Nyack in Orange County, NY with a couple of friends to join them for lunch on a stolen day off, when an elderly black woman flagged me down with an "excuse me, Miss!" and said to me, "I've been watching you coming down the street for a couple blocks now and I just have to tell you that you are a beautiful girl." After I thanked her she paid an almost-too-late compliment to the other woman in my party "not to say that you aren't beautiful too..." but the message was loud and clear. I, a transwoman, was singled out as the beautiful woman amongst us. Rude, but I'll take the win for all the years that I was passed over.
I swore earlier to COMPLETE surprise but I was also starting to get used this idea because I
thanked her but didn't
correct her even in a self deprecating way. I
am beautiful! Aesthetically pleasing to the eye, I won't say I'm not? But, in a grander sense perhaps? Before I even walked that street I helped several people get tickets in the parking lot or stepped aside for those in a rush. Maybe that colored my aura?
I'm kind, considerate, courageous, loyal, loving, joyful, exuberant, one with my surroundings. Qualities that make a person beautiful inside to out. So much of my time (and this goes for many of us) in transition is dedicated to developing my exterior (sometimes for reasons of survival) that I often forget about the interior.
So, when I got home, I volunteered to help out at the Book Fair at my daughter's school and later, during a parent/teacher conference, let slip that I love reading to children and was immediately nominated to read to her class.
That happened yesterday and it was... EVERYTHING. My daughter told me afterwards that she was "proud of me." You may now melt. XD
There's no reason why I couldn't have done these things as a man but now that I'm comfortable with who I am inside and out, I realize that I have SO MUCH I want to share with others and this is just the beginning. I've even gotten comfortable with the word mom and if there was any worry about me amongst the other parents I didn't sense it. I hope my story can inspire you to keep going. I don't know how much more I can share here without creating the opposite of my intended effect. I don't want to rub my success in anyone's face. I worked hard for this and I feel I've earned it, but I'm also blessed with privileges I did not earn.
We each have our story and the obstacles to our happiness that need to be overcome. This is mine. I'll see you at the 1 year mark when it may be time for me to graduate from this thread and step aside so another girl can get the encouragement and love she needs to blossom as I surely have under the safety and love of your care. Thank you all again.
GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR BEST SELVES!
Love,
Bree