HRT 4 Life Control

[MikeP]

Good morning all, for years I have spent so much time on my sexuality and sensual feelings it has taken over my life in many areas.  I feel out of control and am seeing a therapist for gender questioning because I feel it is more than being a hyper-sexual male or a cross-dresser and they agree.   

I was wondering if anyone here found HRT to take away the out of control feelings and get back time that was once spent   trying to figure things out.  I dont feel like a man trapped in a womans body but never felt like I fit the masculine body either.  I am really interested in what happens in your mind more than the physical changes. My theripist is asking what I may want and I am very nervous about makeing choices and that is why I am here. 

I just want to get on the right track and move on if this makes sense to anyone.  IF HRT of some sort may help I will pursue but it there are other suggestions I will welcome them.  Thanks so much.   I really love this resource.   

PM works great too. 

[Devlyn]

Well, since I'm not your therapist, why dont I ask? What do you want? 

I told my doctor I didn't identify as a woman but presented female and wanted to feminize my body. She's on board with that.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Jessica]

@MikeP

As far as hrt medication changing out of control sexual feelings, it can reduce or more likely eliminate it.  With myself, the over powering urge was relentless and it tamed it to where my desires are more of a sensual type rather than "wham bam thank you ma'am"
One thing to keep in mind is that gender identity is not the same as sexual identity, or how could you explain lesbianism or all the other variations of human sexuality.

In my case I became better in tune with myself through hrt and understanding that there is more woman in me than I had originally thought through therapy.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Hikari]

I find this to be a really mixed bag, at this moment I am having far more sexual thoughts and desires than I think I have in my entire life and I would expect it to be the opposite as I am post op but not back on estradiol yet, and there is no way just testosterone from my adrenal glands is on par with the testosterone I had pre-hrt.

I also noticed increases in my libido when my estrogen doses were increased though with large amounts of antiandrogens I didn't get erections unless I tried but, it was definitely more invasive to have such a libido.

So it may well curb sexual desire, but in my expierence it can also increase them.

[Jessica]

I find this to be a really mixed bag, at this moment I am having far more sexual thoughts and desires than I think I have in my entire life and I would expect it to be the opposite as I am post op but not back on estradiol yet, and there is no way just testosterone from my adrenal glands is on par with the testosterone I had pre-hrt.

I also noticed increases in my libido when my estrogen doses were increased though with large amounts of antiandrogens I didn't get erections unless I tried but, it was definitely more invasive to have such a libido.

So it may well curb sexual desire, but in my expierence it can also increase them.

One needs to differentiate between desires and libido.  The libido is the drive, desire is love.

[MikeP]

One needs to differentiate between desires and libido.  The libido is the drive, desire is love.

Since age 6 I have have had excessive thoughts about lingerie and wearing it has been one of the most important things I did growing up. My mind has always had a feminine bent.  All my life I have spent time searching for acceptance of my habits. I always look at others in a sensual way and cant say I experience much physical arousal but much more mental stimulation.  I can spend hours looking at real nudist sights or hours looking at lingerie or fashion pages and never have a physical sexual experience during or after.  But I find I have let my sensual side take over and find myself not getting things done that I should to the point I have been seeing a psychiatrist for over 4 years and now seeing a gender specialist too.  I feel addicted to exploring my sensual side.

So what do you call my obsessive behavior?  Libido or Desire?    I am interested in having control over my type of behavior that is taking away form my everyday life.

My understanding is HRT can be used to suppress male hormones and take away certain desire "libido"? and estrogen may be used to bring about alignment with feminine feelings etc. 

Thanks for all your help. 

[GordonG]

I am currently on spironolactone without any E for much the same reasons as you. I've only been on it one month so far but I'm beginning to see that it has diminished my sexual drive. I'm liking it so far. I may have to take a "maintenance" dose of either T or E in the future because you body needs one or the other for general health. I'm ultimately looking to get an orchiectomy and become a eunuch if everything goes right.

[Allison S]

I think physical and psychological play a huge part in this world. Female bodied people tend to have a broader spectrum of gender expression allowed than male bodied. I think being on mtf hrt gives me more of a likelihood to fit the role in society that makes me feel comtortable.
Sex has a big part to play because I want a person to be interested in me as a woman.
I know from real life experience and it's not just a "I feel like a woman so I am" (but it can be too, I don't think it matters).

I'm probably missing you're point entirely, but this is something I always think about.

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[MikeP]

What do you think would be best to diminish my mental Libido E or an anti-androgen?  I have been on the low end of T at about mid 300's and looking at me you would think I would be in the 1100 range all my life.  Grew a full beard by age 15.  Could also be part of my issue of hyper-masculinity but I never had the mind of the masculine guy just the body. 

My mind has always been very sexual but it was directed and sensual pleasures leaning towards the feminine and not at all a guy looking for quick sex with men or woman.  Now not that I think all men are animals but I grew up with a lot of them and it was expected. 

Right now it would seem the biggest issue taking E would be if breast grew too much and the issue with AA is hot flash and increased lethargy. I have an appointment coming this week to discuss.  Love your input.    Thanks for you help again.   

[Rachel]

Spiro takes a while to work and well as E. During that period you may lose a few pounds and have higher sexual energy. At a point when your T drop low and E is sufficient your libido will drop. In time erections can become difficult, depending on how much spiro you take or react to the spiro.

I am post op and am on E for life (very happily) and take a small amount of T every other day for bone health and the fact that humans evolved with T in their bodies and are meant to work with it, as per Dr. McGinn. My T levels are below 3 NG/DL. Some times it is 3 days between T cream administration. Low T means I have low libido. If I raised the T a few days a month I am sure my libido would rocket. I will discuss that with my doctor in September.

You may want to try HRT full transitioning dose and see how you feel. You may love it or need to get off of it. That may pretty much tells you a lot about how your body reacts to the medicine. Then you need to decide the next steps.

Boobies, it takes a while to grow and enough time to see a different perspective. I was so scared to grow boobies. I ended up with 555 cc breast implants and want larger. I came to terms with the road blocks (me) and love how I look.

[SaraDanielle]

I found that low dose E, has definitely taken away the 'out-of-control' dysphoria and frustration feelings. 

[Northern Star Girl]

Spiro takes a while to work and well as E. During that period you may lose a few pounds and have higher sexual energy. At a point when your T drop low and E is sufficient your libido will drop. In time erections can become difficult, depending on how much spiro you take or react to the spiro.

I am post op and am on E for life (very happily) and take a small amount of T every other day for bone health and the fact that humans evolved with T in their bodies and are meant to work with it, as per Dr. McGinn. My T levels are below 3 NG/DL. Some times it is 3 days between T cream administration. Low T means I have low libido. If I raised the T a few days a month I am sure my libido would rocket. I will discuss that with my doctor in September.

You may want to try HRT full transitioning dose and see how you feel. You may love it or need to get off of it. That may pretty much tells you a lot about how your body reacts to the medicine. Then you need to decide the next steps.

Boobies, it takes a while to grow and enough time to see a different perspective. I was so scared to grow boobies. I ended up with 555 cc breast implants and want larger. I came to terms with the road blocks (me) and love how I look.

@Rachel
Dear Rachel:
Very good posting... much of what you experienced I have also... good information for the newbies here and for many others as well.   

Within 4 or 5 months of taking Spiro, erections for me were nearly impossible and as I continued on with Spiro my Endo told me that sterility was impending. 

Of course for a MTF seeking full-time as a trans-woman, no more erections are usually a good thing.  For those that may want to eventually "father" children it is usually suggested that they have some sperm sampled and stored in in sperm bank early before starting Spiro or soon after.

Thanks for posting.
Hugs,
Danielle

[MikeP]

I found that low dose E, has definitely taken away the 'out-of-control' dysphoria and frustration feelings.

Thanks so much Sara, I have been reading many of your post and I have many of the same concerns. Out of control is me at certain times but not always like some suffer from.  I was trying to research how fast certain types of HRT work and if it is possible to control my dysphoria on a as needed basis.  My therapist and group encourage me to cross-dress and allow myself to embrace my feminine desires as part of me as often as I can.  Being in a group has been a great help in understanding the vast spectrum of dysphoria others experience.  I am OK with being different but not alone. 

[MikeP]

I am currently on spironolactone without any E for much the same reasons as you. I've only been on it one month so far but I'm beginning to see that it has diminished my sexual drive. I'm liking it so far. I may have to take a "maintenance" dose of either T or E in the future because you body needs one or the other for general health. I'm ultimately looking to get an orchiectomy and become a eunuch if everything goes right.

Thanks for the PM, It is great having information from you just on AA and from Sara only on E and all of us dont seem to be seeking total transition for different reasons.  I need to work with my therapist and decide what path to take and wondered how you made the decision you have and how you are tracking effectiveness?  Thanks so much. 

[GordonG]

I came to my conclusion all on my own after reading just about everything I could find out about it on the web. I then went to Planned Parenthood and asked for Spiro, and got the prescription the next week.

Tracking wise I have an Excel spread sheet that I fill out every Sunday evening. It has my measurements, weight and blood pressure. And I try to keep mental notes on how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling and state of mind.

I have dealt with depression in the past, so I am well aware of how to tell if it comes back. I have noticed in the month I've been on Spiro that I'm getting more tired than I used to be towards the end of the day. I have to make sure I'm getting my 7-1/2 - 8 hours sleep a night.

[pamelatransuk]

Hello MikeP

Emotionally HRT has made a substantial difference. The fog/confusion has been removed. I feel more at ease; I have a sense of peace; I can express my emotions; I can cry and I can laugh. It is the "right fuel" for me and it is not only for life control but also for the rest of my life!

I wish you well whatever route you choose to pursue.

Hugs

Pamela

[MikeP]

Met with my councilor today and he is thinking AA would be a good fit.  Wants me to consider the negative and positives of both physical and emotional changes I might expect and do a deep evaluation.  He says in my end goal is to be free from male genitals we can do that but the surgeons like to see HRT for 6 to 10 months.  So the good part is HRT and surgery are available and covered. Nothing is off the table and that is great.  I feel we are going to make a good choice. 

I have got a lot of great input so far here at Susan's.   I love comming here and someday soon I will be sharing my experience.  👍

[Kendra]

> I have got a lot of great input so far here at Susan's.   I love comming here and someday soon I will be sharing my experience.  👍

You already are!  The earlier decisions and initial thoughts I had were important, and I found it so helpful to see other people going through similar experiences.  I spent more time (and that's good) figuring out my best initial path compared to the amount of time involved once I had made final decisions. 

[GordonG]

Met with my councilor today and he is thinking AA would be a good fit.  Wants me to consider the negative and positives of both physical and emotional changes I might expect and do a deep evaluation.  He says in my end goal is to be free from male genitals we can do that but the surgeons like to see HRT for 6 to 10 months.  So the good part is HRT and surgery are available and covered. Nothing is off the table and that is great.  I feel we are going to make a good choice. 

I have got a lot of great input so far here at Susan's.   I love comming here and someday soon I will be sharing my experience.  👍

Good to hear Mike. You are on your way.