Hello,
Identifying as or with females very often beckons the question, if that is the complete portrait of myself I wish to reveal. I ask myself do I only relate to the world as a woman, who is also gay and also happily married. Somehow the answer is revelational, as the spirit unwinds so too do the truths about a person uncover a whole slew of character traits that are indignant of who I am. The self that governs is therefore open to gender diversity, but also a far-reaching exploration of the mind and heart and how they work, operate and function. At times I would like to survive all of those who became obstacles in my path. At times I miss my offspring and would like them to take pride in their ancestry. As a Transgender Female, I often find myself ascribing to a less intrusive, less invasive and more intuitive sense of who I am. I ask if I idolize what I had known as the opposite sex, but also ask if identifying as a woman is a veritable end in itself, and will getting used to my transition be the sole experience of my entire life. How many transgenders are expected to satisfy and fulfill a role that is pre variantly insane? The real question does life have new meaning and are all of our answers and doubts answered after we transition is invariably no. We wish for resolution, we wish for transition, but how often, after so long do we just wish to be ourselves. Sometimes we can suffer from guilt and shame, as if somehow we messed up, or messed with God's Chemistry, the real thought on this matter then comes from a transitioning identification, it is when I stop believing that my association and reflections are male gendered and accept them as female, does my whole outlook and attitude upon life change, it is then that I am ready to make the decision to include more in my self-portrait, be it beauty, enthusiasm, motivation, and clarity, it is then can I make the decision, to call myself a Woman, someone born with the wisdom of intuition, who knows it will not be safe to revert back to the previous gender I was only partially born with.
