On the 1st Sept 2014 I resolved to finally face the thoughts, feelings and needs that had always and we're increasingly tearing me apart and threatening my continued existence.
The last 4 years have been a physical and emotional journey that perhaps only other trans* people can relate to.
Someone on this site once described transition as going through a long tunnel. You pass into the dark and unknown, after a while you lose sight of the light you came from, while still unable to see an exit. Faith and support from others drives us on until we catch a glimpse of fresh light ahead.
I'm not out of that tunnel yet, but the light ahead has been clear and getting closer for some time.
Are we the same person we start this journey as? I'd say no. I've met people and been exposed to views that were very foreign to me. My values and priorities have changed, as has my willingness to leap into the unknown and trust my instincts.
My ability to feel emotions and my reactions to them are all new; requiring some real and hard lessons to master, and that's a work in progress!
Many of us pause parts of our lives to focus our energies on getting through that tunnel, and I certainly did. Career and romance certainly got sidelined for some time, but I find myself with the energy, focus and desire to pick these up and move my life forward again.
The biggest price I paid for this process was the loss of my marriage, but I've be incredibly lucky to have found another truly special and unique person to share the road ahead with.
My own journey was never about denying or forgetting the past, I treasure it greatly. Rather I'm moving forward with a new life that integrates who I was with who I am.
Bring it on, life and love [emoji4]. X
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