Which hurts less

[Emma1017]

Ok I just did my one month refill on my HRT and I have my first follow up doctor visit next week.

Nothing new to report.  Still have food craving and I urinate more frequently but I read that spiro makes you crave salt and increases urination so no surprise.

My female desire seems stable with an occasional spike.

Emotionally I really want breasts and I wish my hair would grow back but I accept that will be limited even a year from now...sigh.

My wife and I are still processing but I feel like our kisses and hugs are really tender.  I really love that.

Thanks for the ongoing support... you are all the best!


Hugs,

Emma

[Linde]

My update is that I am now almost done with week three, and still feel nothing.  I was at the psychologist today, and she wrote a letter to the endocrinologist to increase my estrogen dose and add Spiro to it.  She feels that Finasteride alone is not enough.

I wish you continuous good luck with your relation with your wife!

[Emma1017]

Thanks Dietlind

[Joanne ONeal]

My update is that I am now almost done with week three, and still feel nothing.  I was at the psychologist today, and she wrote a letter to the endocrinologist to increase my estrogen dose and add Spiro to it.  She feels that Finasteride alone is not enough.

I wish you continuous good luck with your relation with your wife!
[/quote

Emma, I can't believe it has been a month for you already!!  Congrats!  My appointment with the endocrinologist is next Thursday. I have asked my wife to go with me to better understand what may happen to me. Were you scared prior to your fist visit?  ]

[Emma1017]

Hi Joanne:

Yes I almost cancelled a bunch of times.  Sitting in the waiting room I was screaming in my head "why am I here" but I stayed.  As the doctor interviewed me I understood why I was there.

I actually started the pills as I walked out of the office.  It felt great!!!  It was exciting to just do something positive.

A month later I am still afraid.  Its still all of the "unknowns" in front of me.  I also feel tremendous relief and a new sense of happiness.

Each of us walks a different path but I am glad that others have shared their map.

I wish you the best,

Emma

[Joanne ONeal]

Thanks Emma!

[Emma1017]

Hey Joanne:

Just did my first month check up.  It felt less intimidating.  They checked my blood and everything is ok.  I was told to make an appointment in 4 months.

No physical changes but definitely in a better mood. 

The good thing about HRT is that you can change your mind.  I am still debating about whether I will go  for full transition or just stay with HRT.  I have plenty of time to figure it out.   

Best of luck,

Emma

[Northern Star Girl]

@Emma1017
Dear Emma:
Thank you for posting your ONE MONTH update regarding your checkup and good blood test results.
Yes, from now on, it does get a lot less intimidating each time you see your Endo.

At one month into your HRT it is a little early to see or feel too many changes other than some breast tenderness perhaps.   By the time you have your next check up after 4 more months of HRT you might be having more significant changes and they should be coming at a faster pace.   

This is all very exciting for you I am sure....
I will be eagerly following your updates to check up on you.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Hey Joanne:

Just did my first month check up.  It felt less intimidating.  They checked my blood and everything is ok.  I was told to make an appointment in 4 months.

No physical changes but definitely in a better mood. 

The good thing about HRT is that you can change your mind.  I am still debating about whether I will go  for full transition or just stay with HRT.  I have plenty of time to figure it out.   

Best of luck,

Emma

[Linde]

Hey Joanne:

Just did my first month check up.  It felt less intimidating.  They checked my blood and everything is ok.  I was told to make an appointment in 4 months.

No physical changes but definitely in a better mood. 

The good thing about HRT is that you can change your mind.  I am still debating about whether I will go  for full transition or just stay with HRT.  I have plenty of time to figure it out.   

Best of luck,

Emma

If you do not see any physical changes, I don't need to be concerned either.  But I do not feel any mood changes either, but I am moving towards the female side for the last 15 years already.  I might be there already concerning any mood changes, who knows?

I will go all the way, because I want my original body back!

[Emma1017]

Hi Dietlind:

Everyone's chemistry is different.  All that is important is that you are making progress!

Good luck as you move forward,

Emma

[Emma1017]

Hi Danielle:

You and everyone here have helped me tremendously to begin to conquer those fears, so my continued thanks.

I am really happy just to be happy again.  I can be patient with everything else, including my wife's understanding.

After following your thread I am ready to move to a small town in Alaska!

Big hugs back,

Emma

[Emma1017]

I'm curious if anyone has started HRT who really felt they were trans or had gender dysphoria and absolutely knew after starting that HRT was not the solution for them.

I love the perkiness that I now feel but I want to know that I am on the right path and not just being seduced by my sudden shift in hormones.

In one month my total testosterone dropped from 368 to 36 and my estradiol is at 65.

[Emma1017]

My estradiol is at 65 and my endocrinologist said the goal is 100-200.  She asked me if I wanted to up my estradiol.

I said no because I really want time to process the emotional impact of HRT before the physical changes force more major life decisions.  It also gives my wife time to process as well. (I still want my wife to stay with me).

Has anyone stayed at 65 on a low dose of estradiol for an extended period of time?  If so, when did the physical changes become more apparent?

I know "your mileage may vary" but I would like to get an idea of what to expect.  Thanks

[Emma1017]

Ok changing direction a little in my on-going journey:  my libido is now officially zero.  I have read that that is to be expected.

I accept that because my gender is more important than sex but, as I was once told, "who doesn't like an orgasm?"

I have read that those who have had GCS can have orgasms and some multiple. 

How can you get there from here before GCS?  Does your libido come back at some point as your body acclimatizes to the female hormones in your system?

[Linde]

Ok changing direction a little in my on-going journey:  my libido is now officially zero.  I have read that that is to be expected.

I accept that because my gender is more important than sex but, as I was once told, "who doesn't like an orgasm?"

I have read that those who have had GCS can have orgasms and some multiple. 

How can you get there from here before GCS?  Does your libido come back at some point as your body acclimatizes to the female hormones in your system?

I hope I don't destroy muh of your hopes.  Since the time, my body is growing breasts (which seems to be because of increased estrogen??), I am down to zero libido.  This means for about close to 5 years.  I am now absolutely used to it, and it does not bother me anymore.  I try to test myself once in a while by watching some porno clips, and I think they are absolutely boring, and I am only interested in the physical appearance of the females in them, to probably learn a little about female movements and body handling.  Otherwise I don't get anything from them, and turn them off after a while.
Living without any libido makes life way more easier, because I never get an erection anymore, and I do not have to try to hide my plumbing (which as shrunk pretty dramatically).  The little bit allows me to wear any tight fitting leggings other female clothing items without being afraid that anything might look out of place.

I actually like not having a libido, it is pretty easy to live without it!

[Joanne ONeal]

Emma,  Had the blood work done last week and the endocrinologist has submitted the prescriptions. My T level was low but she still recommended a T blocker plus Estrogen. I am so nervous and excited about starting. I took my wife to the appointment with the Endo. That really worked out well! She better understands what this means to me.   

[Emma1017]

Hey Linde I guess I would still like the option but gender happiness come  first.

Joanne really exciting news on your progress with HRT.  You are way ahead of me with your relationship with your wife.  Its great that she is actively with you on your journey.

My wife and I are still struggling with accepting my transgender reality.  I am even still fighting with denial.  My wife is just hoping that HRT is just enough (part me hopes so too...).

[LizK]

Talking about libido...I have been on HRT for a couple of years now and I have noticed (could hardly miss it) that things are very different for me than they used to be. I find I need to be more in my head and less about physical stuff(still important) but I don't have to "finish" to enjoy myself..

The big O is very different and takes me longer to get there but very enjoyable...not sure about post op...but gonna have some fun finding out...I can at 10 days post op tell you that I have sensation...I can feel random connections happening firing off some weird sensations ...

Stay positive that you will be Okay

Liz



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Emma1017]

Wow Liz glad to hear that there is still hope of "O"s in my life. 

I'm totally with Linde that my gender peace is the most important but but I do like orgasms.

I guess I should set aside more time

[HappyMoni]

Hi Emma,
   I am just reading your thread this morning. I like to think of it as being fashionably late. lol You have made me feel warm inside. Whenever I see someone bashed by the dysphoria beast, step out over the fear threshold and take steps to figure things out, I feel good. Maybe it is  because I stood frozen in fear for 50 years myself, but it does seem like such a great thing to see. Part of what makes it hard to move is fear of mistakes. Well, the old saying is that we learn more from our mistakes, right? My gut tells  me that you aren't making a mistake.
   I have two thoughts for you. One is a thread from a dear friend of mine who passed away this summer. She found great peace in being on HRT while not transitioning. You may not have seen it, but it might be of interest. https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,234332.0.html
   The other is about orgasm. I am now post op. When I was pre op, orgasm was a necessary evil. So dramatic, right? Orgasm was mentally painful, because it was the mental end of feminine feeling and the start of emotional withdrawal. So, no it was not good. It was just a way of stopping the frustration of not being able to be my feminine self. I doubt I am alone in this experience. Post op varies so much person to person. The one thing that can be done is to take testosterone to increase sex drive. I won't get into my complicated situation, but I have been able to orgasm, but it does take more of a creative atmosphere to happen. Some might call it more work. 
   Anyway I thought I would chime in with wishes that you and your partner find your happy place.
Moni