Dear Kim, Moni, Liz and Randy (and everyone else):
Thank you for your incredibly warm, sensitive and intelligent thoughts. They always mean a lot.
I am clearly going to transition. I am now working on the "how"?
The most important "how", which will not be a surprise to anyone here, is finding a way to continue my loving, happy relationship with my wife. I know that we will always love each other but what I want is for us to be happy together the rest of our lives.
Really asking a lot huh?
In this first major "how" my goal is to give us every opportunity to navigate through this massively complex thing called transgender. Our generation has no history of acceptance or understanding so we have to work harder. Its like teaching a ninety five year old how to use an Iphone.
The rest of the "how to's" I can rely on all of you, my favorite analyst and local professionals to work out.
I want you all to know that ultimately I am absolutely not afraid to transition. As you all have read as I have been processing and documenting on my thread, you can't stop the train by standing in front of it. That is just silly. It took me a while to figure that out. It also took me a long while to understand just how really big the "train" was.
For me, my transitioning is a train without brakes. I can't and truthfully don't want to stop it. I cannot hold back that smile the you see on my face in the photos. They are real and deep. They repeat themselves when I touch the softness of my skin or or the growing weight of my breasts.
Unquestionably, it is the manifestation of a joy I have suppressed an entire lifetime. Stop it? No way!
Kim I have the courage and resolve. I have been called a "moral pit bull" many times in my life. I have no problem with who I am, I just needed to understand this deeply hidden "who" that I am.
This has truly been a thread that has weaved in all of my fears, confusion, discovery, sadness and joy.
Thank you for being a part of it.
Warm hugs,
Emma
