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Which hurts less

Started by Emma1017, August 24, 2018, 12:42:27 PM

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Emma1017

Kylo I share your anger, fear and frustration.  I travel to Europe regularly and see the ugly sides of Europe between religious zealots and right wing fanatics.   Fortunately I am still stealth and present as male.  I realize that my male  "protection" will disappear once (if) I transition.

I always hated the old horror movies when the women fell in fear screaming or ran away in high heels that ultimately tripped them up. 

I like the fighters who don't take it passively.

My favorite women in the world right now are the Kurdistan women.  When attacked by ISIS forces, they picked up AK47s and fought back as an army.

That is why Jessica Chastain is my favorite actress for the roles she plays.

The men that attacked that woman in Paris are cowards who had to do it as a pack. 

I agree that passivity is a dangerous path to follow.  Bullies don't back down unless they are confronted.  You have to be willing take the chance and fight back.  It's not any easy call and its extremely dangerous to do it alone.  We need social outrage and punishment to show that this is not acceptable.
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Linde

Quote from: KimOct on April 07, 2019, 09:58:18 AM
Yep Linde - I got it on Amazon - I love it.  Even though it is made of hard plastic it is very rigid.  It would do some damage.  Security check points will not let it through, they know it's a weapon.  Twice I had to take it back to my car.

Moni - "why I oughta ...."   Only a stooges fan is on board with that one.
It would not show up in a scanner, would it?  If one buries it very deep in the never ending depth of a woman's purse?
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Linde

Quote from: Kylo on April 07, 2019, 12:43:37 PM

Certain enclaves of Europe are not going to be very friendly to trans people in the near future. I disagree with the victim Julia's appraisal that her attackers were just "ignorant people who do not understand her situation". There's a definitely cultural/religious clash in progress, this certainly is not the first such incident and it won't be the last in which a large crowd in broad daylight tries to assault someone of the LGBT community. That typically isn't the behavior of native Europeans, even the transphobic ones. But it is typical behavior toward LGBT members by people from islamic countries, or certain countries in the African continent. The time for pussy-footing around the issue is over, trans people should be aware for their own safety of the risks to them now present in Europe.
I don't know where you get your information from, but I would not be afraid to walk around in any city in Germany today, in which I would have felt safer lets say 20 or 30 years ago.  There were always areas in Germany, in which I would not walk alone, and that was when I was still a man!  But no matter where in Germany, or for me also the Netherlands, I still feel way safer than in certain areas in the US!
I am sure that other Germans/Europeans here on this forum, will agree with me!  To add to this, here we have to be afraid of our own government and some of the law enforcement agencies!  For them, we intersex people are just a bunch of weirdos that need to be eliminated!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Emma1017

Sadly they are everywhere and we need to keep fighting.
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KatieP

Quote from: Dietlind on April 07, 2019, 09:07:40 PM
It would not show up in a scanner, would it?  If one buries it very deep in the never ending depth of a woman's purse?

Sometimes, it does, even when you are careful. My daughter has carried her attack kitty with here for at least 4 years, with lots of flying in that time. Only once, in FLG, did they find it and not let her take it through. Hers was made on a 3-D Printer, and cost about 50 cents, so losing one every few years to TSA is not a huge deal. Buy them in the 10-pack...

;D

Kate
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Emma1017

OK I saw this today and had to laugh.

I was reading the NY Times and they had a big story on the national backlash against the LGBT community there (Poland's Populists Pick a New Top Enemy: Gay People  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/07/world/europe/poland-gay-rights.html).

It was followed a few pages later by "Pulaski, Polish Hero of the American Revolutionary War, Was Most Likely Intersex, Researchers Say"  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/07/science/casimir-pulaski-intersex.html


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Linde

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 08, 2019, 08:33:35 AM
OK I saw this today and had to laugh.

I was reading the NY Times and they had a big story on the national backlash against the LGBT community there (Poland's Populists Pick a New Top Enemy: Gay People  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/07/world/europe/poland-gay-rights.html).

It was followed a few pages later by "Pulaski, Polish Hero of the American Revolutionary War, Was Most Likely Intersex, Researchers Say"  https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/07/science/casimir-pulaski-intersex.html
And in today's America under Trump, he would have been thrown out of military service!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Emma1017

Exactly. You gotta love the irony.
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Emma1017

I met with my analyst today and I said that although I feel female I don't feel like a woman.

She asked me why?

I thought about it a few moments and answered:  "Feeling female was on the inside while being a woman was on the outside.  I am still a 63 male on the outside.  I just don't see a woman."
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Emma1017

I just posted this on Kirsten's thread on "Point of No Return".  I thought it fit here: 

"Kirsten I have been thinking about my response for a while now because you and I seem to be paralleling a lot in this experience.   I feel your sadness and frustration.

I strongly believe that we have a right to be happy.

I don't know the complexity of your life beyond what you have shared.  We each bring our own nasty twists to the experience it seems.

I know I want to stop and I can't.  I want to go back to the way I was two years ago and I can't.  I don't know where I will be in a year.  At some point you and I will reach that point of no return.  Everyone has said that and everything I have read says that.  There doesn't seem to be a way to freeze this process.

I have rejected suicide.  That to me is a stupid waste of life.  I don't think I can stay male but I am trying.  I know where my heart is but I have time to continue to doubt.

Unfortunately when that time comes, our spouses will need to make their own decision.  It's miserable but we didn't choose this.  My son's girlfriend broke up with him when his cancer came back and broke his heart.  She decided she couldn't handle losing him.

I don't know what my wife will choose once confronted with my choice.  I will at least know that I will have exhausted every option and tried ever alternative solution and looked for a better answer. 

That is all I can do.

After that, she will have to decide.


Hugs,

Emma"
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Linde

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 08, 2019, 01:21:37 PM
I met with my analyst today and I said that although I feel female I don't feel like a woman.

She asked me why?

I thought about it a few moments and answered:  "Feeling female was on the inside while being a woman was on the outside.  I am still a 63 male on the outside.  I just don't see a woman."
Remember that it was not to long ago that I freely could switch between a guy and a woman?  That has stopped like overnight.  After I has some male fails a few weeks ago, I became more and more female, and did not feel like going as a guy anymore.  I don't know why that was, it might have been estrogen erasing my male thinking or what.  And now after my orchi, I don't even like the male idea anymore!

Your point of being a female inside and out will come at some point that is entirely out of your control.  You will be as surprised as your environment is!  It will come, and exactly at that time at which you do not expect it!
The man will be gone soon!
Hugs
Linde
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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KimOct

#771
Quote from: Emma1017 on April 08, 2019, 01:21:37 PM
I met with my analyst today and I said that although I feel female I don't feel like a woman.

She asked me why?

I thought about it a few moments and answered:  "Feeling female was on the inside while being a woman was on the outside.  I am still a 63 male on the outside.  I just don't see a woman."

Emma I have been transitioned for awhile now and I still feel like that.  My birth certificate, Drivers license, social security and on and on says I am female.  I feel female emotionally but my body doesn't.

When I think about the possible additional surgeries, vagioplasty, breast enhancement, FFS which one will make me feel like a woman?  Do I need to do all or just some.  My testicles are gone, if my penis is gone will I feel like a woman?

You get the point.  My therapist made a great point to me.  Gender is a societal construct.  You are who you feel that you are.  A small bit of tissue or lack thereof does not define you.  Regarding my face and breasts - are small breasted women less than large breasted ones.  Are ugly women less than beautiful ones.

You are who you feel what you are.  Do not let the societal construct of gender control who you know you are.

I intellectually believe all of the above but feeling it is more challenging.  Just thought I would throw it out there.  When she proposed it to me it made sense and still does.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself
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Emma1017

#772
Kim I think that each of us has a vision of ourselves, regardless of our gender, that we try to live up to but we just never seem to achieve that perfection.  With maturity (and some times a lot of therapy) we come to some kind of peace with who we are.

Life threw us all a major curve ball.  We are forced to experience all the pain of a second puberty plus a double dose of insecurity and doubt.  Life also doubled down on us by adding the female need for beauty with the classic teenage problem of hating the refection in the mirror.

Before this gender dysphoria exploded in my life, the only vanity I felt was hating my receding hairline.  Now I am totally screwed!

We are all going through an unstoppable process. Each of us will have our own unique solution.  We all will try to get as close as we can to some sort of personal satisfaction and peace.

I have just signed a lifelong contract with my analyst. ;D...I really thought that I needed just one visit to square myself away. 

Yeah, right..... :o :o :o ::)

Hugs,

Emma
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HappyMoni

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 08, 2019, 01:21:37 PM
I met with my analyst today and I said that although I feel female I don't feel like a woman.

She asked me why?

I thought about it a few moments and answered:  "Feeling female was on the inside while being a woman was on the outside.  I am still a 63 male on the outside.  I just don't see a woman."
Emma I hope this feeling or lack of feeling doesn't throw you for a loop. It is a very common thought. I have felt this way. I guess even if someone transitions this feeling takes a while or perhaps may never come for some. I have started to feel like a woman more with each passing day. At first, I felt like I was a squatter on the woman's turf. Now, I have been regarded as a woman for long enough  to feel like it fits. I always give the job analogy. Your first day on the job, you don't feel like a Senator for example. You technically are one if you got elected but until you start doing your every day Senator stuff, you don't feel like one. Same with being a woman. Some people just can see themselves as a woman without any physical changes. I was  not lucky enough to be one of those. Bottom line, don't worry about this too much. Just be you. Hopefully you will be able to bring things in line what what your mind says they should be. Fingers crossed!
Hugs,
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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KimOct

One visit will do it LOL LMAO ROFL HAHA MUHAHAHA  I can't think of anymore laughing acronyms.

It's funny how we all think a therapist is to fix us whatever the challenge.  We go to a therapist to learn how to fix ourselves.  And we are fixing the crap that took a lifetime to break.  But we all think it.

Lifetime contract.  I know you were sort of kidding.  Most people eventually go into maintenance mode and visit once in awhile - that is what I think I will be doing in 2020.

No wonder it is so hard to get an appointment  ;D

Once again Moni shows off how smart she is.  :D  Seriously though she is right.
The first transphobe you have to conquer is yourself
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Linde

Quote from: KimOct on April 09, 2019, 07:29:50 PM
One visit will do it LOL LMAO ROFL HAHA MUHAHAHA  I can't think of anymore laughing acronyms.

It's funny how we all think a therapist is to fix us whatever the challenge.  We go to a therapist to learn how to fix ourselves.  And we are fixing the crap that took a lifetime to break.  But we all think it.

Lifetime contract.  I know you were sort of kidding.  Most people eventually go into maintenance mode and visit once in awhile - that is what I think I will be doing in 2020.

No wonder it is so hard to get an appointment  ;D

Once again Moni shows off how smart she is.  :D  Seriously though she is right.
I just upgraded to one visit a month, and I support group meeting a month!

And I don't face nearly the problems that many ladies here have to deal with!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Kylo

#776
Quote from: Dietlind on April 07, 2019, 09:19:42 PM
I don't know where you get your information from, but I would not be afraid to walk around in any city in Germany today, in which I would have felt safer lets say 20 or 30 years ago.  There were always areas in Germany, in which I would not walk alone, and that was when I was still a man!  But no matter where in Germany, or for me also the Netherlands, I still feel way safer than in certain areas in the US!
I am sure that other Germans/Europeans here on this forum, will agree with me!  To add to this, here we have to be afraid of our own government and some of the law enforcement agencies!  For them, we intersex people are just a bunch of weirdos that need to be eliminated!

Yes I am talking about specific areas, particularly the no go zones and immigrant community enclaves. I did not say the whole of Germany is unsafe, I said:

1) the no go zones are unsafe
b) Europe will most likely become less safe over time with more mass immigration, as we have already seen since 2014
c) Denying this and claiming everywhere is safe for trans people is irresponsible.

Sure, I get that you might be proud of where you live etc. but to claim there is no risk when there is mounting evidence that the mass immigration in the last 4 years has brought a spike in crime and sex attacks in the countries most affected including Germany is also irresponsible. I had never heard reports of mass sex attacks upon women happening in modern-day Germany until it happened in Cologne 2015 on New Year, and it's now apparent fact that the German police suppressed information about it at the time. The same can be said of what's happening in Sweden. Where do I get my information there from? Local news which is not translated into English and from people living in those countries as well as the online public crime records since the "migrant crisis" in these places. And other evidence such as the aforementioned video; there are plenty of videos showing the hostility of certain groups towards passers by if you care to search.

Good for you that you feel safe. But I know a lot of people that don't and less so more recently. My female friends in Sweden no longer go out at night alone without male friends present, and have been attacked before. My German friends avoid the no go zones for a reason.

You should certainly be afraid of your own government or the EU if it is suggesting you shouldn't openly criticize Merkel's immigration policies or mass immigration in general. Which I have been hearing increasingly concerning things about from people in Germany that I know.

Denial of potential danger has already cost lives. There are people in Western countries so ignorant or willfully ignorant of any danger from certain groups that they ended up murdered. The most recent cases springing to mind would be the raping and beheading of two women from Norway and Denmark around 5 months ago in Morocco who were backpacking by themselves. On closer look at the case the women appeared on their social media accounts to believe that there was no threat from certain cultures and groups to themselves. I've been to Morocco myself with a large group of seasoned travelers, and my expedition leader made absolutely sure that none of our female members ever went anywhere near a town or tourist area without at least three of the male members for protection from any unwanted attention, as well as impressing upon us how unwise it is to wear revealing Western clothing in towns and villages if female. The murder was recorded on video and the murderers made it quite clear they committed the act opportunistically and purely because the two women were Westerners (stating literally that they were enemies of their culture and religion as islamists). The idea that two Western women can or should walk through Morocco safely on their own is one I've had plenty of contention from "keyboard warriors" of the internet with, but at the end of the day, those two women are still dead. I shouldn't need to stress that if it can happen to regular people, then it can almost certainly happen to us as well (compound the risk of being a Westerner in certain areas, a woman alone in certain areas and and LGBT person in certain areas). The risk is there because a culture clash exists and to pretend it doesn't would have blood on my hands.
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
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Kirsteneklund7

Some superb well informed debate here. I have already had my interest and awareness spiked. Kylo amd Linde you both rock !

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

As a child prayed to be a girl- now the prayer is being answered - 40 years later !
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Emma1017

Moni I agree. 

I think its a matter of evolving over time.  I have been acting and dressing male for so long that my mirror is going to reflect what it's been looking at for the last 63 year.

I have only come to terms with being female in the last year and only started HRT in November.  What did I expect?  There are a lot of layers to chip away at.

Additionally I have begun to appreciate how massively complex the female world is: fashion, makeup, public decorum, safety concerns, and serious self doubt in the mirror.

...but I still want it. 

It just feels right but it still makes absolutely no logical sense...I know it's all about to the heart :)


Hugs,

Emma
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Emma1017

Kylo I agree that religious zealotry and right wing fanaticism is increasing globally.   

Thugs never disappear from society. 

Its a question of whether society is strong enough to police and enforce the law.

Aggressive behavior is faster than the resolve necessary to contain it or eliminate it.  Appeasement is never the solution.  Unfortunately history is littered with many tragic examples in the last 100 years.

We can't give up, either our hope or our resolve.



 

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