Quote from: Emma1017 on April 18, 2019, 12:26:11 PM
Hey Moni of course you are a friend. I figure when I come out I will need a batch of new ones anyway.... 
As Kim has pointed out to me this thread is a team effort so please post your explanation. Help with this process is always welcome!
I am willing to wager you will keep a lot of friends. Okay, this was about three years ago in a school setting. I announced through email that after work I had something personal to share (in front of like 90 coworkers.) I was so nervous, I confess I read some of it, still trying to look up at people's faces as I did it. Here goes!
"I really have no desire to impose my personal life on anyone, but what I must do cannot be hidden. I cannot control how you receive my news. The best I can do is be respectful and tell you face to face. First let me give you some background.
As far back as I can remember, I have had a painful struggle within myself. It caused me to be very emotionally withdrawn, angry with myself, and very ashamed. About a year ago, I got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore. I truly felt like I had spent my whole life pretending to be someone I was not. I decided I had to make a decision about how the rest of my life would go.
One possibility would be to continue as I always had. I have no doubt that this path would be filled with anxiety, depression, and a growing discomfort with myself that is hard to put into words.
My second choice would mean accepting something about myself that I have tried to run from a million times. It would put me in a position of possibly being made fun of, being shunned, or even physically attacked in some situations. This path is very uncertain and would require I go through some very awkward times. The upside could mean I have a chance to find happiness and be myself.
I guess if I chose option 1, I wouldn't be standing here talking to you.
So far I have told about 80 people. I have been lucky so far in that every person I've told has shown support including my partner and sons. For the first time in my life, I have experienced 14 months of consistent happiness, and I feel like a whole person instead of two battling halves.
I am here to tell you the secret that I have kept from all but my partner for 50 years. Simply put, I'm transgender. This means that I am unable to be happy or comfortable with my gender at birth, male. This is strictly about how I view myself and in no way does this have anything to do with harming anyone else. Last June, I started transitioning away from the person you knew as (deadname.) By next fall, my physical appearance will change, but I will essentially be the same person. (I joked that some may be sorry to see that stay the same.)
I hope people will try to understand. The truth is, I don't understand why this happened myself. What I must do is hard, but it is easier when people are kind. I know some of you have been through worse (cancer, death of loved ones.) To anyone thinking this is a choice, maybe, in a sense, it is. The thing is, I made the choice to say no to this many, many times and was always unhappy with myself. I can't live in fear of other people's disapproval anymore. What I would ask from you is to ask questions. I prefer people asking questions to people shying away for fear of saying the wrong thing."
I must have said things okay because I got a standing ovation and about 20 hugs. Of course there are no guarantees, but things can work out well. It is no surprise that the desperation came through in this. I was desperate. I hope this gives food for thought as one way to explain to others what must be done. Hugs,
Monica
