Which hurts less

[Linde]

Next month will be three years since I wore guy clothes. Can't fathom that. I wore a cute little sun dress yesterday and what does my friend say? "You need to shave your knees!" Dang cis woman! I grew them to zap em.

Wow, for me it will be one year pretty soon.  Well, I still sneak them in for a few hours once in a while when I plan to go to a auto repair shop, I don't know for how long I still can do this, because it gets harder and harder to hide the changes caused by hormones.  But wearing male stuff does not cause any dysphoria for me.  My therapist thinks it is like dressing up for Halloween.  If I would ever get started to give my male clothing away, but I am a pack-rat from nature, and giving stuff away hurts a lot!

My cis girl friends envy me, because I do not have anything to shave, not even my arm pits.  I hear constant :I hate you, for not needing to shave my legs!  But to be honest, I found a hair on my right knee the other day!  I am now stressed out, I don't know whether I should keep it, to show them that I do have a hair on my legs, or if I should cut it off?

[Stepheewt]

.................I am now stressed out, I don't know whether I should keep it, ..........if I should cut it off?

I have thought about this my entire life.....wait ..no your we're talking about something else...
I got confused...for a moment..... Lol...


Btw .....hairless legs in general, that's a great thing, 1 year of hormones that's a milestone...congrats ...Linde

[Linde]

I have thought about this my entire life.....wait ..no your we're talking about something else...
I got confused...for a moment..... Lol...


Btw .....hairless legs in general, that's a great thing, 1 year of hormones that's a milestone...congrats ...Linde

There is noting to congratulate me about being hairless, I was born that way and had no influence on it.  Now, as a female, I am happy about not having any body hair.  But when I was a young men, I always felt like an out cast and was made fun of for having a hairless, mainly female looking body.

[KimOct]

Hey Paige, we can 'gang up' on you like we did Emma if you like! LOL I say that in jest, I hope she didn't feel ganged up on. Come on Paige, to quote a Monty Python skit, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Where's Dr. Kim? Paging Dr. Kim!

Dr. Kim is in the house.  Dealt poker on Sunday and was so sore and tired when I got home I never made it off the couch to the laptop.

I love Monty Python !!!!  Sure Paige can be our next victim    I mean patient 

Even though Emma has turned the corner I am pretty sure some follow up will be required.

Guy clothes !!!! OMG get rid of that stuff.  Mine all went to Goodwill the week I went full time.  I am sure somebody loved all of those business suits at Goodwill prices.

I kept a few t-shirts to wear with jeans when I visit my kids.  The ex requires no makeup and hair under my hat when I visit my adult autistic children ( so as not to confuse them in her words )

I purposely got rid of my guy clothes right away so I wouldn't be tempted to chicken out.

[Stepheewt]

There is noting to congratulate me about being hairless, I was born that way and had no influence on it.  Now, as a female, I am happy about not having any body hair.  But when I was a young men, I always felt like an out cast and was made fun of for having a hairless, mainly female looking body.

I've actually been the same way. Very light hair on my legs. I always had a lot of girlish ways. When I was younger I got picked on......So I then got tough...started acting like a man being tough, doing all those man things, didn't want to be called a "sissy" at school...frankly I was scared.
Secretly I was wearing my moms p@ntyhose, and bras. I thought I was just a sick person. Can't let someone know. Strangely enough it's taken me 40years to know, it was just that an act.
I think I have been acting my whole life. I can act with different types of people to get along, act like a man to ward off ridicule.....But that's the point....it has always been, see something to emulate..and act like that person. When I let my guard down, I'm so different, Im actually being me. That person is Stephee. Huge breakthrough to understand this. Now doing something about it this far along......scary to know your whole life has partially been a lie.

[KimOct]

I've actually been the same way. Very light hair on my legs. I always had a lot of girlish ways. When I was younger I got picked on......So I then got tough...started acting like a man being tough, doing all those man things, didn't want to be called a "sissy" at school...frankly I was scared.
Secretly I was wearing my moms p@ntyhose, and bras. I thought I was just a sick person. Can't let someone know. Strangely enough it's taken me 40years to know, it was just that an act.
I think I have been acting my whole life. I can act with different types of people to get along, act like a man to ward off ridicule.....But that's the point....it has always been, see something to emulate..and act like that person. When I let my guard down, I'm so different, Im actually being me. That person is Stephee. Huge breakthrough to understand this. Now doing something about it this far along......scary to know your whole life has partially been a lie.

Is it late to do something about it?  Sure.  I transitioned 3 years ago at 55.  Do I wish I had done it 30 years ago? Yes.
I wasn't ready.  My thoughts were overcome by fear and that I wouldn't look good enough and would look like a freak.
Finally at age 55 I decided I was tired of hiding.

Doing something about it this far along?  Late? yes but not TOO LATE. 

I have read people claim that they at least want to be buried in a dress.  What ?  You are dead.  What's the point? Some kind of statement.  Make a real statement.  Live as you.

[KathyLauren]

scary to know your whole life has partially been a lie.

Not your whole life.  Only the part behind you.  The part ahead of you can be the truth.

At age 61, I knew that at least 2/3 of my life was behind me, even with an optimistic guess at my lifespan.  But I resolved that I was going to enjoy the part that was left.  It is never too late!

[Emma1017]

I absolutely agree Kathy.

I have been living my life with leg weights on but I definitely lived my life!  I have accomplished so many thing in my life that I am proud of.

Maybe all of that was to get me ready to transition, for my next adventure.  I intend to enjoy the rest of my life without the leg weights!

Emma has waited enough time in the shadows

Hugs,

Emma

[HappyMoni]

Hi ladies, got to admit to being a bit worried about Kirsten today. I feel bad when friends are treated badly. I have another friend who's partner has been less than understanding. I can always understand a partner not going along for the ride, but if they get mean, it is hard to take.

[Stepheewt]

Hi ladies, got to admit to being a bit worried about Kirsten today. I feel bad when friends are treated badly. I have another friend who's partner has been less than understanding. I can always understand a partner not going along for the ride, but if they get mean, it is hard to take.

I have also been thinking about her all day, what happened hits close to home. And I think of her alone.  Just hoping she gets to the other side of this, hoping the freedom of being out there wins out over the pain from what happened.

[Stepheewt]

Is it late to do something about it?  Sure.  I transitioned 3 years ago at 55.  Do I wish I had done it 30 years ago? Yes.
I wasn't ready.  My thoughts were overcome by fear and that I wouldn't look good enough and would look like a freak.
Finally at age 55 I decided I was tired of hiding.

Doing something about it this far along?  Late? yes but not TOO LATE. 

I have read people claim that they at least want to be buried in a dress.  What ?  You are dead.  What's the point? Some kind of statement.  Make a real statement.  Live as you.

I hear you loud and clear........I know what I face plus some things I don't know too. Weighing out the loss of income is hard but real, the loss of friends maybe, the loss of family is very complicated for me. My wife is disabled. Not completely but doesn't work, has several issues and needs me. She is genuinely a beautiful person inside and out, to break her heart admit to the lies I've already perpetuated........it's a lot to figure out. So baby steps are happening, more are coming it will come to a head at some point. Then......,..,I don't know....

[Linde]

I have been living my life with leg weights on but I definitely lived my life!  I have accomplished so many thing in my life that I am proud of.

Emma

That is exactly the way I see it!  I was married for 36 years to the love of my life, and these were the best years of my entire life.  If I would have been Linde for that time, i would not have been married to my ex, and I would have missed out on 36 wonderful years, and would not have the greatest son in the world!
Everything else I could have done as Linde, but never this marriage and the kid!

[Emma1017]

I have been thinking of Kirsten as well.  I wish there was more I could do.

[TonyaW]

Not your whole life.  Only the part behind you.  The part ahead of you can be the truth.

At age 61, I knew that at least 2/3 of my life was behind me, even with an optimistic guess at my lifespan.  But I resolved that I was going to enjoy the part that was left.  It is never too late!

What you talking about 2/3 done?  Way I see it, I'm in my 3rd year of puberty so I should have a good 60 to 70 years left.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

[davina61]

That's the thing, at 61 I decided it was now or never but if I had done this at an earlier age I would not have 3 wonderful kids and a lifetime of fun and experiences. OK so I got kicked out immediately but that meant I could get on being me with no restrictions . Apart from having to work (22 months 19 days till I retire BWCA) life is better and I have new friends. 

[KimOct]

Hi ladies, got to admit to being a bit worried about Kirsten today. I feel bad when friends are treated badly. I have another friend who's partner has been less than understanding. I can always understand a partner not going along for the ride, but if they get mean, it is hard to take.

Yeah me too.  Every time I encourage transition and something goes badly I blame myself a little so I am particularly worried.  I have no intention of not giving my opinion because I think many people are here to get view points on this but I hate when it hurts.  I don't blame any spouse for saying they can't go down this path but it should be with some kindness.  We are not trying to hurt anyone.  I hope Kirsten is going to be OK.

I hear you loud and clear........I know what I face plus some things I don't know too. Weighing out the loss of income is hard but real, the loss of friends maybe, the loss of family is very complicated for me. My wife is disabled. Not completely but doesn't work, has several issues and needs me. She is genuinely a beautiful person inside and out, to break her heart admit to the lies I've already perpetuated........it's a lot to figure out. So baby steps are happening, more are coming it will come to a head at some point. Then......,..,I don't know....

Stephee I said in another thread called 'the decision' that this is not for everyone for many different reasons.  I am not
saying it is not for you rather I am acknowledging that everyone has their unique situation and many factors to weigh.
The one thing I do believe in regarding couples is honesty.  Not communicating with your spouse is not helpful.  Even if someone thinks they are protecting them they are really doing them a disservice.   Bad moods, sadness, anger will be misconstrued.   The ultimate downfall of my marriage was that my WIFE was the one that would not communicate. 
Imagine that. LOL.  I was the girl back then too. 

Regardless of how people proceed I think it is imperative to have an honest discussion with a spouse.  Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about?

[Stepheewt]

Stephee I said in another thread called 'the decision' that this is not for everyone for many different reasons.  I am not
saying it is not for you rather I am acknowledging that everyone has their unique situation and many factors to weigh.
The one thing I do believe in regarding couples is honesty.  Not communicating with your spouse is not helpful.  Even if someone thinks they are protecting them they are really doing them a disservice.   Bad moods, sadness, anger will be misconstrued.   The ultimate downfall of my marriage was that my WIFE was the one that would not communicate. 
Imagine that. LOL.  I was the girl back then too. 

Regardless of how people proceed I think it is imperative to have an honest discussion with a spouse.  Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about?

I agree. So much to say in response as tonight talking to my wife, I've never been so close to telling her everything, coming clean about everything. I even played it out in my mind what to say. How I could say it in a way she would understand.  My anxiety in my stomach is so high right now. I'm having a panic attack. At least I just did. I drove to get us food, had one in my car. Don5 know if this means I'm not ready......or I've never been more ready... Just a crazy feeling.
Ok I'm going to g9 now and try to gather myself. Thanks for caring

[GinaG]

Stephee

I. faced the same frightening situation in February. I knewmy wife might want to choose to part.  I finally realized I owed the woman I loved to be honest.  It was hard, but we started listening deeply.  It has renewed our love.  I knew it might, but knew she had to be free to choose, to have her concerns equal to mine.  As Kim said it is what marriage should be about.

Still,  It is a fear we each must face, I think. My view is the sooner the better.  Delaying may erode trust.   

Courage!  Good luck

Hugs

Gina

[Emma1017]

Wow a lot of stuff covered in the recent posts.

First I know we are all concerned for Kirsten but she is strong and I believe in her!

Second, I have sworn my whole life that in the last 15 seconds of my life I never wanted to say "I should have...".  I have always felt "just do it" but boy did I ignore the biggest "just do it" in my life!!!  I am so glad you all helped me see what I couldn't.  I said earlier that I now feel like a 14 year old girl.  There is excitement in discovery.  I am changing physically, mentally and emotionally and it just feels so right!

Third, age.  Who cares when you come to understand who you are and who you have a right to be.  The important point is that you know, understand and find your own personal peace.

And finally, the "Decision".  I started this thread with what would hurt less, transitioning or not.  I know now that I can't hold back transitioning and, given the confidence I have in our relationship, I believe that my relationship with my wife can grow with this decision.  Our wedding anniversary is this week so I will wait a week but we will have a conversation.  I will continue to hope and believe.

Hugs,

Emma

[KathyLauren]

I agree. So much to say in response as tonight talking to my wife, I've never been so close to telling her everything, coming clean about everything. I even played it out in my mind what to say. How I could say it in a way she would understand.  My anxiety in my stomach is so high right now. I'm having a panic attack. At least I just did. I drove to get us food, had one in my car. Don5 know if this means I'm not ready......or I've never been more ready... Just a crazy feeling.
Ok I'm going to g9 now and try to gather myself. Thanks for caring

Hi, Stephee.  I can so relate to the panic attack.  When I was trying to come out to my wife, I tried for six months to tell her.  I'd have the words all though out, and on the tip of my tongue, and I'd have a panic attack and chicken out.  That must have happened at least 100 times.  What I learned from the experience was that there is no easy solution.  The only way forward is ... forward.  Damn the torpedoes; full speed ahead!

And finally, the "Decision".  I started this thread with what would hurt less, transitioning or not.  I know now that I can't hold back transitioning and, given the confidence I have in our relationship, I believe that my relationship with my wife can grow with this decision.  Our wedding anniversary is this week so I will wait a week but we will have a conversation.  I will continue to hope and believe.

Emma, how delightful it is to read of your self-confidence, your confidence in your relationship, and your caring so as not to spoil your anniversary.  Girl, you've got the right stuff! 

Happy anniversary, and good luck!