Does IT Ever Simply Go Away?

[Katy]

I have stayed away from forums, online conversation, dressing, etc. (pretty much the whole nine yards) for several months with the hope that IT would just fade away like early morning fog.  Pink fog is obviously made of sterner stuff.  I have tried to move on by filling my life with so much to think about and do that there simply isn't room for in my life for dysphoria, but despite my best efforts IT crowds its way its way into my consciousness.  Sometimes it is just a gentle whisper.  Today it is a full-blown roar.  What is a body to to do?  I suppose at some juncture I invited IT into my life to fill a void and from time to time through the years I have toyed with IT, to a certain extent nurtured IT and even occasionally embraced IT as simply part of who I am.  This is one genie that simply refuses to go back in the bottle.  Once again, what is a body? 

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Katy.

Sorry to hear that you have the dysphoria blues.

No, dysphoria, unfortunately, does not simply go away.  It is not something that you "invited in".  It is there because you are living in a gender role that is not who you are, or because your body does not match who you are.  And all the experiences I have heard about on these forums indicate that it does not go away until you do something about it.

[Deborah]

This discussion comes up repeatedly here. And the unanimous answer is no, it never goes away. It only gets worse until you take some proactive steps to deal with it.

If it is in fact caused by what medical science is slowly proving then it can't go away. It's not a psychological choice or condition at all.  Rather is a patterning of physical brain structures caused by epigenetic influences before you were born.

It is simply who we are and forcing ourselves to be something different causes increasing mental distress as time goes on.


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[TonyaW]

This discussion comes up repeatedly here. And the unanimous answer is no, it never goes away. It only gets worse until you take some proactive steps to deal with it.

If it is in fact caused by what medical science is slowly proving then it can't go away. It's not a psychological choice or condition at all.  Rather is a patterning of physical brain structures caused by epigenetic influences before you were born.

It is simply who we are and forcing ourselves to be something different causes increasing mental distress as time goes on.


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Hi, Katy.

Sorry to hear that you have the dysphoria blues.

No, dysphoria, unfortunately, does not simply go away.  It is not something that you "invited in".  It is there because you are living in a gender role that is not who you are, or because your body does not match who you are.  And all the experiences I have heard about on these forums indicate that it does not go away until you do something about it.

What she said. 



Didn't go away for me either, no matter how hard I tried to make leave.  It would stay quiet for months at a time sometimes but never stopped being there. I didn't call dysphoria at the time as I didn't really know there was a word for always wanting to be a girl.

  Was about 2 years ago I finally figured out that it wasn't going away and went to a therapist to see if I could figure out what was going on.

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[Allison S]

Do we want it to go away or does transphobia tell us that it doesn't belong?
Either way I know I have to live with "it" and I guess with myself too...

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[josie76]

It never goes away no matter how hard we struggle to make it disappear. I made my own life miserable by trying to block my emotions and with it those feelings. You really can't. We are hardwired by the basis of multiple sexually dimorphic brain regions. In those neural structures are basic gender instincts. We grow up fighting those instincts because we are afraid to let who we are be known by others.

In the end it is like a computer program trying to access addresses that do not exist on the processor. It doesn't work right.

I found the disphoria only goes away with the right hormone for your neural wiring, and letting you be who you are. As I let my emotions fully integrate into my thoughts so much of that background stress went away. It is scary no doubt. For me moving into normal life as myself has made everything but disphoria about specific areas go away. I hate those masculine traits that still haunt me as they remind me of who i had to pretend to be and limit my adaptation into a natural state of being.

[DawnOday]

It's nothing we have control over and therefore it won't go away. It began in utero in the first trimester. Everything was humming along and our bodies formed male. But the second and third trimester is where the brain is formed. Between about week eight and the second trimester something happens. In my case my mother was given large doses of female hormones to prevent miscarriage. Which affected my brain development. Today's bombardment of GMO's and other hormones have an impact that has yet to be explained due to lack of research and the strong religious belief that we bring this on ourselves. I was 64 when I started, I was having a breakdown, my marriage was on the rocks and in order to stabilize my mind  I began HRT. The relief I have felt for shame and guilt being addressed and coming out of a very dark, scary closet. I no longer have the weight of the world on my shoulders. If it is possible find a support group near you and attend some of the meetings. I didn't know another transgender person before and when I started attending, I rejoiced that I was not alone. Since then my marriage has recovered. My children and wife support my decision. I have again started to make friends and if my congestive heart failure abaits for a few more years, I expect them to be the best years of my life.

[sandigurl99]

I have stayed away from forums, online conversation, dressing, etc. (pretty much the whole nine yards) for several months with the hope that IT would just fade away like early morning fog.  Pink fog is obviously made of sterner stuff.  I have tried to move on by filling my life with so much to think about and do that there simply isn't room for in my life for dysphoria, but despite my best efforts IT crowds its way its way into my consciousness.  Sometimes it is just a gentle whisper.  Today it is a full-blown roar.  What is a body to to do?  I suppose at some juncture I invited IT into my life to fill a void and from time to time through the years I have toyed with IT, to a certain extent nurtured IT and even occasionally embraced IT as simply part of who I am.  This is one genie that simply refuses to go back in the bottle.  Once again, what is a body?

Hi Katy. 

I'm probably younger than most of you,  but,  I remember my dysphoria, my pink fog.  Ive always thought I was just a sissy male, but, after realizing that I was transgender, I embraced it. 

I know I'm not helping you at all,  but,  I do know the fog will not leave you,  unless you embrace IT.

Love,  Sandi

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[Katy]

I'm sorry I plowed a furrow that has been unearthed repeatedly.  It is likely in years gone by I may have written something similar.  My memory isn't what it used to be. 

I am grateful that each of the contributors took time to reply to my query.  I appreciated reading your perspectives which have a common theme, "It doesn't go away."  Seemingly there there are no simple answers.

Thanks again.

Katy

[TonyaW]

I'm sorry I plowed a furrow that has been unearthed repeatedly.  It is likely in years gone by I may have written something similar.  My memory isn't what it used to be. 

I am grateful that each of the contributors took time to reply to my query.  I appreciated reading your perspectives which have a common theme, "It doesn't go away."  Seemingly there there are no simple answers.

Thanks again.

Katy

Probably others wondering the same thing, seems to be why a lot of people come here.  I don't think there's a problem with revisiting the subject.  I don't think Deb was saying "hey we covered this already", just pointing out that this comes up often and the answer is always an uppercase NO.

Which isn't totally true, it's really "not on its own". 

For me it started to lessen when I figured out that the reason I always wanted  to be a girl is that I am one.  Got fooled by the birth body and then the testosterone. HRT then helped make it mostly go away. I still have bouts of dysphoria at times, but the triggers are different and its more about things I missed out on by not growing up female or my still too male and too large body rather than "the why am I not female". 






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[Deborah]

Probably others wondering the same thing, seems to be why a lot of people come here.  I don't think there's a problem with revisiting the subject.  I don't think Deb was saying "hey we covered this already", just pointing out that this comes up often and the answer is always an uppercase NO.

[emoji3] Yes, that's what I meant. I could have phrased it better. [emoji20]



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[Katy]

Not to worry.  I wasn't offended, not in the least; just concerned that my post was a bit annoying.  I have no desire to do that.

All the best,

Katy

[Paige]

Not to worry.  I wasn't offended, not in the least; just concerned that my post was a bit annoying.  I have no desire to do that.

All the best,

Katy

Hi Katy,

I've been on Susans for quite a while.  I continue to read these particular threads because I'm constantly looking for an alternative approach that works.  Unfortunately there haven't been any.   

I've tried low dose E but I'm now craving a much higher dose.  My body has already changed a bit.  I see myself in the mirror now and I can see a lot of femininity.  It seems like this approach for me has just started me on the slippery slope.  It just a matter of time until I fully transition.

I wish I had a more positive alternative to treat this dysphoria, unfortunately as others have said it's who we are.

Take care,
Paige

[krobinson103]

I tried for 30 years to make it go away by more and more extreme measures. I came to the conclusion I was only making myself miserable trying to run from something that is simply part of me. Choosing to embrace it and transition was by far the best decision I ever made bar none.

[Dena]

I have threads book marked where people buy time using various flavors of HRT. Some underdress while others survive with occasional vacations from their birth gender. Work arounds are highly personal as what works for some, doesn't work for others. For some the only answer is to transition. A work around might reduce the dysphoria so that you can live with it.

It never goes away but for some there is a compromise that will buy them time.

[Dani]

For many of the ladies on this forum, including myself, IT never goes away until we DO something about IT.

However, since we are all individuals with different needs and situations, I can imagine that there are some people who have managed to send IT away with little effort. But I have not met anyone who has.

[Katy]

Thanks again for your kind advice.  My circumstances are such that doing something about IT is unfathomable.  I shall simply have to muddle on.

All the best,

Katy

[Janes Groove]

My circumstances are such that doing something about IT is unfathomable.

I urge you. Don't give up the dream.

One day you may find, the impossible becomes possible.

[Katy]

Jane, I don't think I have a dream.  I'm just trying to muddle through life as best I can.  Most days I cope fairly well, but from time to time the dysphoria really sends me reeling.  Sleepless nights and anxiety replace any sense of normalcy.  It is at times such as these that I long for something that would put IT behind me for good. 

I appreciate all of the replies I received.  The fact that no one offered me the silver bullet neither surprises me nor diminishes my gratitude.

All the best,

Katy

[Dena]

The closest thing I know of for a silver bullet is low dose HRT. It doesn't work for everybody but it can reduce the amount of dysphoria you feel. Low dose may reduce the rate of change but there will be changes. A month or two with your testosterone suppressed is sufficient for a test period but it's not long enough for much in the way of changes.