Hey,
I can relate to you. It's been quite difficult for me in my childhood. The outsider kid. Loneliness. Pain. Confusing feelings. All that. And it got even worse when I began to realize the problem was maybe me being trans. Especially uncertainty. But also, if I were right -- I thought -- how were I to do all that, I felt I had to do, in order to live my life the way I want to. And what about the people around me, how would the react?
However, the uncertainty was the most terrible thing. So, what I did, was to see a therapist in order to become more certain. To be honest, it didn't help me much. I wouldn't have wanna missed him, he did help me, though mostly with other things, bureaucracy mainly.
What really made the difference, was trying things out. Introducing and presenting myself with the (assumed) right gender online. Talking to cis-friends of that gender about mine and their feelings and comparing them. Later, trying on the right clothing. Later seing friends in that clothing, and introducing myself to their parents correctly. Going full-time. Going on hormone blockers and finally HRT. These experiences gave me confidence. I always went a tiny step further and I kept going. It was good. It was better. Times confusing because I wasn't used to many things. But eventually always good and better than the opposite. Which you should not forget: Compare these experiences to the experiences with the ones as your (assumed) wrong gender. And see how these make you feel.
It takes a lot of time, and even after that time you might not be sure a 100%. I wasn't when I started hormones and decided it was probably the right thing to live my life as the "new" gender. The hormones made me effectively sure, though there's still this unrealistic 0.0000...1% chance I might be wrong.
Point is: Try it out. Feel your way. You will have to take risk with every new step, jump, because you won't be sure. But it does pay out in the end. Because usually you do like what you think you'd like. Okay? Just remember that.
It's all gonna be alright. Trust yourself and your feelings.
The people around you might indeed not understand it, not accept it. But most of the time, at least for me, people surprise you by how supportive they are.
And even if not, that's not the end of the world. You can move, you can find a way to live your life they way it's best for you.
Let me hug you and pet your back.
It will be all right.
