I've read a lot of accounts of people realizing they were depressed independently of gender issues after starting HRT, but they were unable to recognize it, and therefore tackle it appropriately, because of dysphoria.
Has anyone experienced anything like this?
My mind has been so ridiculously clear and I've had so much mental energy to solve problems since starting HRT. I was half-expecting maybe I would randomly notice I was a little bit depressed underneath it all, or I would have to work on my anxiety (nope, that vanished), because what are the odds I was completely perfect underneath after decades of spinning my wheels with this gender garbage?
Anyway, it occurred to me that I might actually have an extremely mild, highly functioning some kind of something cousin of autism. Kind of like how I spent most of my earlier life running around yelling about how I felt like a gay man trapped in a woman's body, I've also joked that if I just could wear a shirt that said "mildly autistic" suddenly everyone could key in to where I'm coming from.
(Dearest sense of humor, you have always been an eloquently veiled cry for help. Also: I am hilarious.)
I have to talk to my therapist about it, but my next appointment isn't for a few weeks.
I know there is a huge overlap with autism and transgender. Since I've started connecting with trans people, I have spoken with many who are somewhere on the spectrum, and so much has resonated beyond gender issues.
And when it hit me, I started connecting the dots all through my life, especially past social situations that had been in some way traumatic, and it makes so much sense. I have a ton of sensory issues, too.
I don't need to pour out more of my life story, but I basically had a huge lightbulb moment and realized I need to get this checked. I never would have realized the subtleties involved without being able to think clearly.
Practically, there isn't much to DO about it. In the context of a work environment, it could be useful to be aware if I have a tendency to respond to certain things certain ways. I think just unpacking it all will be really therapeutic.
It has been most helpful to me to process being trans as simply having a brain that is different. And now I'm like, oh dear god, that isn't the only way it's different...
"Fix my gender" =\= "make me normal"
