There are two ways of sitting on an armchair, perching on the edge, still partially supporting yourself; or easing right back, sinking in, and letting all your muscles fully relax.
Reflecting today, that if femininity is the armchair, I'm still perched on the edge somewhat.
I suspect it's the mental baggage of almost 40 years of 'playing male', but I'm finding it hard to fully settle back.
I do ponder if, after less than 18months full time, this is still something to come, or if I'm simply not giving myself permission to fully relax into that chair. My two young children have given me a great excuse to hold back a bit and take things slowly, but I'm reaching the point where it's really only me holding me back.
Earlier on in my transition, when I would reach a point where I felt I needed to go further, I would take that step and then reflect.
At this point in my transition these steps are more mental than physical, but little things like finally getting my ears pierced, focusing a little more on makeup, or wearing heels more than flats might help me reach those comfortable cushions just behind me! X
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