Thought I'd make an update about how it's been going for me since having stopped taking T. Just in case anyone's interested. And cause I just randomly feel like sharing!
So it's been a little over 7 weeks now since I was "supposed" to take my next shot by end of September. The actual last shot I took in mid June. So I count it as me now being "7 weeks off T". I met my endo for an appointment by the end of October and had gotten my levels checked on the 9th October. By that time my testosterone levels were still within the male range, and my estrogen was within the female range but in the lower end of it, as far as I've understood. So my ovaries started producing estrogen again quite quickly, but the T takes longer to go down. I've not gotten my levels checked again since then, but I let my endo call the shots on that, unless I start experiencing any issues, which I have not yet. How long I'm gonna keep in contact with her and getting my levels checked, neither of us know, but we came to the conclusion that it simply depends on my body.
My endo also prescribed me T-blockers, on my gentle request. She seemed highly skeptical about what sort of effects that kind of medicine could have on me, but was willing to let me try it. So that feels experimental. I've taken it for a few weeks now and it seems to actually be speeding up reversals, which pleases me. The only side effect I've noticed from it is it makes me a little tired.
The first change I noticed was very vague but I felt slightly more connected to my emotions, like my brain started feeling familiar in a way I did not expect. I was first unsure if that was really because of my hormones changing or just wishful thinking, but as time went on, it has become much more so in the same direction and the difference feels very distinct now. So I think it's the hormones. With this change I feel like I can actually trust my own feelings again, that they're really genuine, and like I understand them much better. So this is a very positive change!
I'm finally able to cry again, and much more frequently, once a week or so now, compared to a few times per year when I was on T. It helps me greatly to release my inner turmoil (especially all that chest grief) and feel better afterwards. I've greatly missed having this ability.
Then my body odour started changing, at around 3-4 weeks off T. It was a very instant change, from my usual super musky, kinda pungent smell to a "barely anything" and much milder smell. I noticed it from one shower to the next and the change was very drastic, and has been consistent ever since. I also sweat less, but I've always had issues with excess sweating even pre-T so I don't expect any miracles on this point.
On the TMI point my sex drive has gotten a bit lower which I expected but what I did not expect was my orgasms are way stronger and much easier to achieve now. A little too easy, if I may be allowed to complain about such a thing!
As for the more visual changes I noticed around a week ago that my skin has gotten softer and my leg hair has thinned out quite a lot, and my stomach hair has thinned out a little. Chest hair, facial hair and other areas of fluff appear to grow in the same amount and rate as before. I know that around 1 millimetre per 3 days is my beard's usual growth rate. And my head hair's growth rate too, apparently.
That's all so far, I think. No periods yet, not even spotting. But I'll give that some more time before I'll start worrying about it. I think it can just be that it takes a bit longer for that cycle to kick in again, and it might take at least another month, for all I know. I'm not looking forward to it much, but I hate not knowing when it'll hit me. My fat distribution is still the same as it was on T. I was already curvy on T though so it's not a big concern for me. I'm just casually hoping for my waist to get a little narrower and flatter again, but other than that I mostly just shrug about it. As for the TMI department, I keep thinking my clit does look smaller, but my measuring tape informed me it's the same size as ever. It could be that the skin texture in that general area has changed/softened (cause my regular skin got softer, I mean) and giving the illusion of it being smaller, but I'm unsure. It could just be me imagining things too, I guess. I don't mind its size either way though.
Some sidenotes: I feel a lot less anxious about having various kinds of hairs on my body, so I don't often shave much these days. That makes it easier to see when there's a change in amount and/or growth rate. I don't mind being hairy but I'd still prefer to be less hairy. I've come to realise I actually like having facial hair even as a woman, despite it reducing my chances of passing by... really a lot. I'm not too bothered by passing, in most situations. But mostly I just like how it looks and how it feels on my face. I still proudly think of myself as a woman, but I've just additionally embraced looking different as well. But with that said I don't really want for my beard to grow in slower or get thinned out, but I also accept that eventually that will happen cause I can't choose which changes to get reversed/lessened and which ones to keep as is. But I don't think my beard would reverse entirely. There's really a lot of it and it's said to be permanent so hopefully much of it will stay, and I know for sure now that I don't want to get it removed like with laser or anything permanent. And it feels good to have come to that decision so clearly and kinda passionately already. Thought it would take me forever to figure out!
I've gotten to the point where I'm mostly comfortable with my changes from T, but I still don't at all wish to go back on it. I especially really like the psychological changes since going off it, the crying and the change in my smell. So I feel good about being off T but I no longer feel bad about having been on it. Simply put, I've made total peace with it, but I don't need it anymore.
So, I don't really have any expectations at all about how much or what might reverse or to what degree. I simply observe and feel good about the changes so far. It's fun to analyse it, but I don't even check things every day. It's more like I randomly notice stuff and then get excited about it. So it's still positive for me to have gone off T. I don't think I rushed that decision, even though I did that quite quickly in my detransition.
