Hey

[Michelledeanna1989]

Hey so this is my first post in a long time long enough that
I completely forgot my password.

Anyways I came out as trans fall of last year and everyone I know family or friends
Are supportive My dad still has a hard time but he is slowly started to improve
My mom died of cancer in June 2015 and I'm still fairly young I was 26 at the time and in deep
Denial.. I wish I could of come out to her I've spoken with my brother and he said she would of been really supportive but I still think back to when she way in her last few months a lot and I've cried a lot. All the fear I had prior to coming out the fear of losing everything and how it prevented me from telling her what I really needed too I've trued hard and I know she would want me to be happy and to forgive myself . This for me is my biggest regret even more so then had I come out earlier I was wondering if anyone else maybe someone on here has lost a parent and how they got threw the grief and the regret

Thanks

[Laurie]

Hi Michelledeanna,

    Hi  ,  I'm Laurie, the wandering waif of Susan's Place. I see that you are new here. So please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around.  Perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the Introductions Thread and  create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly. I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
 
Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

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Laurie
Global Moderator
Laurie@susans.org

[Laurie]

Hi  again Michelledeanna,

  Now that You have the official greeting I can say something in response to your post. It is great that you have family support. It is pretty normal for parents to have a difficult time when such a big change in their children is given them to accept. Give him some time and be easy on him.
  As for you Mom, take your brother's word for it that she would have been very supportive of you, She obviously loved you. I can see it in your post. My own Mom died before I came out and yes I regret not being able to come out to her. I believe she would have been supportive of me too. Even at 64 when I started my transition I miss not being able to talk with her about her other daughter She died of cancer about 2 years before. I believe she knew of my dressing but she never let on that she did. I miss my Mom like you do yours.
   Don't beat yourself up about not coming out to her. If you believe in an after life then take heart that she knows and is keeping her eye on her new daughter. Let that thought fill your heart and be at peace with yourself.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[Alice V]

Hey Michelle.

Though I assume you aren't new here, I still wanna welcome you. Sorry to hear what happens with your mom. I don't have such experience, but I'm pretty sure everyone have some regrets and things they blame themselves for. Self-forgiveness is really important. Try to look at this in different way. You cannot change your past so but you can shape your future, so it more effective to look forward instead of pondering on past.

[Michelledeanna1989]

Thanks I can only move forward.     My mom
Used to say something to me that's I think is  very true yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery and all we have is today.. I also know my mom knew before she died there was a handful of conversations where she brought up being trans I also remember she questioned me about it and cross dressing or trying on makeup she caught me one time sneaking in  from a party at 5am and I had mascara  on I think I lied and said I had tripes walking home and it was just dirt or something like that then a few more times after that plus when I was in preschool and kindergarden  my brother would dress up as Batman and I'd be dressed up like a girl running around the back yard playing. I know I can't beat myself up anymore it's the last thing shewiuld want for me. Sprtally im more agnostic I'm confident there's a possibility of something but I try not to spend too much time on it but if there's nothing then I'm ok with that aswell

[Northern Star Girl]

@Michelledeanna1989
Dear Michelledeanna1989 :
I see that you were just welcomed here earlier by our lovely member @Laurie  ....
... if you would, please allow me to also give you a warm WELCOME TO SUSAN'S PLACE

I am thinking that you may have lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..
 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here on the Forums if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 

In her Welcome Message  Laurie  included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.   

Please don't be a stranger, we want to share postings and thoughts with you.

Just before I let you have your posting back so that other members can comment on your posted thoughts..... as Laurie suggested  would you please stop by the  Introductions Forum  to tell more members about yourself and your arrival here on the Forums.  You can include some brief information about yourself so other like-minded members will be able to share with you, and you with them.

Enjoy your time here on the Forums, I trust that you will find this an enjoyable and informative experience.
Best wishes to you.... and again, Welcome to Susan's Place
Danielle