What was the first thing you did when you realized you had to transition?

[KatieP]

So, I know this wasn't really a philosophical thread, but in trying to answer the question, it occurred to me that I wasn't sure what I meant, in my own head, by "transition." I know we typically think of "transition" to mean, "get to the place where we blend seamlessly with the Cis world." However, many people here, including me, realized early on that we would never blend seamlessly with the Cis world. So, if that is not the end goal, what am I transitioning TO? I hear others talk about, "Living Authentically" but I think I have lived at least semi-authentically since I realized my gender at 6. Did I look like the other girls? No. Did others treat me like the other girls? No. But until I got to college, I literally had no idea that there were any options at all. (Which is part of why I am SOOOOO impressed with those who found a way in the 70s and 80s.)

So, was I "transitioned" at 6, when I knew who I was?
Or how about at 7th grade, when I started shaving my legs?
Or, high school when I started presenting female sometimes, and male other times? (I would argue that I don't have to be 100% either one of those to be "transitioned" since even cis women sometimes don't present as female 100% of the time.)
Or, the nearly 30 years I have not gone outside without at least mascara on?
Or, the nearly 30 years I have been on some form of HRT?
Or, the nearly 30 years since I bought or owned "boy" clothes? (With the exception that I did buy a man's sport coat for my daughter's wedding 8 or 9 years ago.  Except for that sport coat, I literally can't remember the last boy clothes I bought.)
Or, must I have medically transitioned? And, if so, how far? Is GCS enough? Maybe FFS? BA? (OK. I would really like BA surgery but haven't done that...)

So, when we say, "knew we had to transition" I wonder what we were thinking? There are days when I think I have "transitioned" already, and days when I think, "No, I have much farther to go."

Now, having written this post, I think I have an answer to the question of the first thing I did when I realized I had to transition (whatever the heck that means): I took the next step forward towards a goal which remains undefined and probably always will be for me...

Kate

[Karen]

Karen:

Yes I have to admit that there had been things I had been doing for  a long time in preparation to start a transition.

The one that sticks out in my mind was the purchase of a 38mm Apple Watch.

My wife and I already had Apple Watches, I had a 42mm and she had a 38mm.  My employer had recently entered into a partnership agreement with Apple, and out of it we were given a limited time opportunity to purchase a new Apple Watch for $49.00.  So I bought a 38mm Apple Watch.  I justified it to myself as 'if her watch got broken, she had a spare.'  The truth was I had purchased it for myself knowing someday I would have to transition. 

It now sports a nice femine band and a wear it any time I'm in my 'girl mode.'

Coming out to my wife has been, for me, the scariest thing so far.  She's so far been supportive, but I can't think she has had time to process.  So I'm still being a bit secretive.  She called me out on that this morning.  It started with the 'we need to talk...'. Stomach immediately in throat....  She doesn't want me to keep secrets from her.  We'll I'd kept the biggest one for so long. I have to learn to trust, also.  That's scary.

Kate



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I even order a copy of the National Geographic - Gender Revolution, because it caught my eye and interest in a waiting room.  It shocked me and generated much interest.  I bought it and told my wife she should read it so "it can help us understand our kids"....the whole while I was wonder deeply why I wired the way I was.   I still did not fully register I was TG for close to another year. 

It's amazing how suppressed or poorly understood my feelings were.   How incredibly busy I was for so long and effective at suppressing and not understanding.   

Thanks for this thread!

Karen

[Marcieelizabeth]

I had a long hard discussion with myself, then looked on line and read a lot on Susan's and then told my wife!  Followed by seeing a therapist.

Love and Hugs, Marcie

[pamelatransuk]

The first thing I did when I realized I had to transition (whatever the heck that means): I took the next step forward towards a goal which remains undefined and probably always will be for me...

Kate

I agree that in many cases we will not upon decision to transition in some way (therapy, HRT etc) necessarily know how far we may go and therefore at that point it is undefined. It is just an intention to reach a point where we are somewhat content. However in many cases including mine it soon becomes clear that a lot more than therapy and HRT are required and intended public transition becomes feasible and then later it happens.

Hugs

Pamela