Kathryn's Chronicles

[Northern Star Girl]

@jkredman
Dear Kate:
Thank you for posting your update....

I am trusting that you and your wife can come to an amicable agreement of mutual acceptance.
Regarding your counseling options, certainly individual counseling is beneficial for both you and your wife, BUT also you might want to consider couples counseling with you and your wife together discussing both of your issues with your the counselor.

Regarding your transition thread, you can rename it by sending me a Private Message with your desires and I will get the ball rolling for you....

You can post a picture on your thread and/or post a picture on your Avatar so anyone that looks at your posting and comments on various threads will see you picture.... obviously all of this is entirely your choice.

Thank you for posting your update....
Best Wishes to you.
Danielle

[jkredman]

On a lighter note as we've all been there.

I took this picture starting a business trip home from San Francisco.  At the time I took it, I was thinking about how I don't like airplanes.

Today, I look at this and think about myself....


Hopefully I've opened my pressure relief valve.


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[jkredman]

Been kind a rough couple of days:

That said here is my transition song:






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[jkredman]

OK for posterity's sake.

Warning:  I'm not responsible for any broken display screens!!!

Pre HRT photos.





OK hormones, I'm ready!


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[jkredman]

Again, not responsible for breaking displays.

Here's a photo of an AMAB golf shirt with my new skirt.




Hopefully a year or so from now I'll look a lot more like Kate.


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[jkredman]

One other note;  just bought a couple blouses.  Hopefully they look better with my skirts  than this golf shirt.

And today has been quite fun and relaxing.  I like how below the neck looks.  Now I just need to fix my face....

I'm thinking a year or so on hormones and then start looking into FFS.   Also by then I should also have some nice hair.


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[jkredman]

OK going to do some updating here.

After the go round with legislating us out of existence, seeing how we started denigrating each other as if we were members of congress and getting kicked off for a month because I expressed extreme anger at the moderators because they wanted to take my change.org petition links off the site so they could start their own;  I will make one simple comment.

I saw an endo on 12/10.  I got my HRT script.  YEAH!!!!  Then I went to fill it which turned into a nightmare between a Pharmacy that didn't have it in stock, (but didn't initially tell me) and my insurance company wanting me to use Caremark mail order......

After an almost 2 week delay I got the hormones today - MY BESTEST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER....


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[jkredman]

It's after 10 PM on Christmas Eve.  We've sung one Mass with one more to do in the morning.  Our guests have left.  Our home is cleaned up.  My loving wife has decided to go to bed; and I'm sitting here, listening to Celtic Christmas Music with a deep, deep feeling of peace.

I don't know if it's the hopium or the hormones, but for the first time in all my years I truly feel all is well!

When I accepted the fact that I have always been Gender Dysphoric / Transgendered, and started this transition; I had a vision of a stately & elegant older woman.  This night, the vision is less important to me than the peace I now have.

I don't know where my transition journey will lead me.  I do know I'm finally finding peace with myself.  That is all I ever wanted.

Merry Christmas!

Kate


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[ChrissyRyan]

Kate,

Merry Christmas.

May you have more peaceful, tranquil feelings!   


Chrissy

[Anjanette Miranda]

Kate

Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful next year.

AJ

[jkredman]

Been on HRT for almost a month now.

Left breast first; but now both are sensitive to touch.  Tonight I noticed left nipple area is getting really firm.

Call me crazy, but I'm excited puberty is finally starting!!!  (only about 45 years late...)


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[Stevi]

Go girls!  All three of you.  No slackers, now.

[jkredman]

It's 3:07 AM CST. Not sure what, or how to post this.

I've reached the point where I have to exit a 25 year relationship.

She's not leaving me - I need to leave her.

Too many lies.  3 years of infidelity.  Bottom line is the hormones & Spiro won't let me repress it / compartmentalize it any more.

Biggest problem at the moment:  I don't know where to go.


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[jkredman]

3 months of hormones...

My hips are becoming very tight in my old male jeans, my young breasts are sensitive to every rub of a bra, sports bra or camisole, and are starting to hang out of a 42B bra.

It's exciting and a nuisance.

Now if my hair would grow out faster I could possibly start experiencing 'male fail.'

Kinda looking forward to it!

Kate


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[Eva_Saskatchewatch]

3 months of hormones...

My hips are becoming very tight in my old male jeans, my young breasts are sensitive to every rub of a bra, sports bra or camisole, and are starting to hang out of a 42B bra.

It's exciting and a nuisance.

Now if my hair would grow out faster I could possibly start experiencing 'male fail.'

Kinda looking forward to it!

Kate

That's great! Except the part about the nuisance. That sounds like a nuisance.

Eva

[Gabrielle66]

It's 3:07 AM CST. Not sure what, or how to post this.

I've reached the point where I have to exit a 25 year relationship.

She's not leaving me - I need to leave her.

Too many lies.  3 years of infidelity.  Bottom line is the hormones & Spiro won't let me repress it / compartmentalize it any more.

Biggest problem at the moment:  I don't know where to go.


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Kate,

I'm so sorry to hear about this. When I replied to your PM I hadn't seen this on your thread. I hope that I didn't rub a raw wound. I am however so happy for you in beginning your transition in earnest. Hopefully, I can join you on a similar path very soon. Take care of yourself. Just know that you can message me anytime if you need to talk. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

[jkredman]

This past weekend, I attended the wedding of the oldest son of some friends of ours.

Yes my hair is longer, but I took off my earrings, put on a sports bra and my suit.  It was a wonderful ceremony.

I'm very happy for the bride & groom, but I'm very, very, happy for myself.  I cried tears of joy!!!

I love feeling.  I love my emotions.  I love being able to truly share joy, and I know I will truly share sadness.

That made the weekend all the more special!


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[jkredman]

The trouble with Climara (Estradiol)....

Is it eats away at the walls of our compartmentalizations leaving us with no choice but to grieve the pains and hurts we've repressed.

I was diagnosed as gender dysphoric almost 30 years ago.  I knew it was the correct diagnosis then - even though I didn't deal with it.

I was in the middle of a divorce.  I had been left for another woman.  The Kansas courts would not consider giving my ex custody because of the relationship she left me for. If I revealed my true self there was a extremely high likelihood three beautiful girls would have ended up in foster care.  I COULDN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE.

Here we are almost 30 years later and a long term family joke about burned Hamburger Helper causes a total emotional break down.

Yes, when I was a single parent, preparing Hamburger Helper for dinner was interrupted; and  yes it burned.

30 years ago I sold my soul to protect my daughters.  Today, I'm having to grieve and cry the pain associated with that decision.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't regret it.  I just have to finally shed those tears.

At this moment in time, Climara (Estradiol) sucks....





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[jkredman]

Physical pain hurts less than emotional pain.   Isn't that somewhat perverted?


OK it's my day for some pain.

In addition to the grieving I posted about earlier I've had a very sore calf muscle for a couple of days now.  It's so bad I'm walking with a noticeable limp.  Advil isn't touching it.

My wife suggested I get in our whirlpool bath.  I rejected it immediately. 

I explained the physical pain of my calf, while a nuisance, is less intense then the emotional pain of my life prior to HRT.   I'm not going to mess with my patches.  I wear them Sunday through Saturday and it is too early in the week to risk one coming off.  Friday evening, Saturday; probably a different story.

Thinking about it afterwards it seems most people would think it a bit perverted.  However, I know most people don't know what it feels like to sell your soul for some social norm that I/we never fit into.

From the for-what-it's-worth department.

Kate







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[jkredman]

It's been a up and down several days.

Last Thursday, Patty & I were packing for a 3 & 1/2 hour trip to Kansas City to see a DCapella show.   When we started packing for our overnight trip, and we started bouncing around outfits; she asked 'What are we "Girls" going to wear?'  I froze.  That was the first time she ever referred to me as a GIRL!!!!  It was wonderful because I felt accepted as who I really am!  It was also a moment of disbelief because I tried to hide it for over 25 years.  How could she trust me, and accept me???

The weekend, afterwards, was downhill......  (Another story...)

I didn't ask for Gender Dysphoria.  I didn't ask to be a Des Daughter.  My parents, and her OB/GYN, were doing the best they could based on the scientific info presented to them.  They didn't know it was flawed. 

I didn't one day decide I was a woman. 

It was after 55 years of fighting what I felt was having to live up to somebody else's norm, and having the desire to escape, that I accepted my coping mechanisms were killing me, and if I didn't accept what I was I would die in the next couple of years.


I have a follow up Endo appointment next week.  Looking at the labs from last week, the Testosterone suppression is right on target.  My Estradiol levels may still be a bit low.  That's all for my Doctor to figure out.  My Blood Glucose levels are a bit high, but I wasn't told I needed to be NPO for these blood tests....

I'm not complaining or asking to change anything.  I feel like a human being now vs. being a zombie on 20 years of antidepressants.

Kate


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