Quote from: Gabrielle66 on September 28, 2018, 03:35:00 PM
Alright here I go. This will be my first official post tracking my transition. I've seen a lot of other ladies do this and I guess this is as good a place to begin as any. Yesterday I made my first step into transition or at least in my own eyes. Yes I came out to my therapist and yes I came out to my wife. I have been referred to more of a gender specialist therapist and I have come out to my GP. My GP was super awesome about it. She even recommended that I consider switching my health care to Kaiser because of the expanded transgender care that they offer. All of those things can be considered steps towards transition but for me it was this one simple act. I went into Walgreens yesterday after work and picked up a few essential makeup items and a few brushes. It may not be something huge but this was my first time trying to do anything, for me, as me. I was dressed in boy mode and did not panic and did not feel uncomfortable doing this. Nobody game me any crap and the guy at the register just rang me up and sent me on my way. I did buy my wife a little stuffed Halloween kitty too. The only things I still need to get to start my makeup training are an orange concealer for my beard area and some kind of moisturizer. I will also get some remover so that I don't use up what my wife has for herself. My next step is going to be to get some panties. I am going to start wearing them instead of boxers. Then I am going to make a trip to our Goodwill and see if I can find something to put together an outfit to wear at home. My first appointment with the new therapist is on October 5th. I'm going to give her the general rundown and let her know that I want to work towards starting HRT. I'm not sure how long it will be until I start with the hormones but I do want to start moving in that direction. I have already started a consistent exercise routine and changed my diet to be more healthy. I want to lose 80 or 90 pounds eventually. That's going to be a long road but so it this transition journey. I'm going to see about getting a couple of pictures of myself as I am now at the beginning of the end of my male period. It should be fascinating to see how it all turns out. I am hoping for some positive physical changes but what I want more than anything or the positive mental changes. I'm tired of being depressed and angry with life. I am trying very hard to be more positive in general. It's not an easy thing for me to do. I have felt negative for most of my life. I am guessing that's a product of not fitting in my own skin correctly. There could be other reasons as well. I try to smile as much as I can. Once again, not easy for me. It's a constant struggle with my established self. George has always been solemn and melancholy. Gabrielle embraces the light and the good in every turn. She is timid and full of self doubt but eager to break out into the joy that is her birthright. Sorry if this seems over dramatic but it is close to my heart and has me excited for the future in a way that nothing else ever has in my life. As time goes on I will revisit this thread and post updates. I'll have to look into getting pictures on my posts. I have to admit that it's pretty daunting to consider sharing my current picture. There is nothing whatsoever feminine about my current appearance except for the occasional smile. I am hoping as my body molds into a new shape with diet and exercise that I can begin to explore the myriad of feminine fashions available. My ultimate goal is to look good in a dress or skirt. I may never be a beauty but that doesn't mean that I will never feel pretty. Love and faith to all of you.
Gabrielle
Hi Gabrielle
As we've private messaged back & forth, I took a short trip to Anaheim, close to 'your neck of the woods.'. So please forgive me, for just this evening, on the flight home, I'm catching up on posts.
Like you my first step was to come out to my wife. The second person I came out to was a close friend of my wife's. She's gonna need to talk, because she (nor I) ever imagined 'for better or worse' involved a mtf transition.
As you know I've found a therapist? I've also reached out to my PCP and asked some direct / non identifying questions. I got a kind of vague response. So I still don't know her opinion about ->-bleeped-<-. I'll find out this coming Friday, 10/12/18, as she is offering a walk in flu shot clinic. On that day I'll make sure she understands the person I was asking her about is me.
Also, like you, my facial appearance is not particularly feminine. Looking in the mirror, I see my mother, or alternately a face that would petrify Medusa. Let's just say some serious FFS will be needed unless HRT does much more than can be realistically expected.
I'm not doing makeup yet. I'm hoping Sephora will offer one of their Transgender makeup classes in my area soon. I put myself on their mailing list.
My transition so far has been clothing related. Right now I try to present as gender neutral.
As we talked privately, I've been in Anaheim at Disney for the last 4 days. I've presented the whole time in girl mode which is really androgenous for me. I may have caught a break as it was Anaheim Gay Days this weekend, so if people had any observations or thoughts, they kept them to themselves. (I hadn't come to terms with myself when we set up this trip so I didn't KNOW about AGDs until we arrived.)
Speaking of Disney, I'm more & more comfortable converting my wardrobe to the female persona.
I went in to the Disney Dress Shop at Downtown Disney this morning. I first found a dress that I thought I would look great in but they didn't have my size. They had my wife's size. She wasn't interested. I then found a sleep shirt with the caption of 'Unfairest of them all'. Well after raising 3 daughters, who now have given us 5 granddaughters, and being on my second marriage, can you possibly imagine how many times I've heard that I'm UNFAIR? I bought the top for me, AND WILL PROUDLY WEAR IT PUBLICALLY!
As to weight, I'm down 7 (if I didn't put it back in in the last 4 days).
Finally, about timidity: I hope and pray that HRT provides you relief. For me, just getting off the antidepressants, and a little OTC Estrogen & Progesterone cream has helped (but I'm still needing to get on prescription hormones.) Last night, I danced!
One our 2 ABD guides is a professional dancer. She has danced for Disney in movies, and in the parade at DCA.
During last night's parade, she showed me the steps. (Since you're also marching they're not that complicated) and we danced to the parade, and sang the music for a good 5 or 7 minutes. I loved it, and felt so comfortable. (I am a semi pro singer.)
As I move more and more to full womanhood, I'm feeling so much more ecstatic as I'm finally coming home to my mind & heart.
I pray you get there soon for yourself.
Please let us stay in touch.
Kate
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