I don't pass at the gym

[Angela H]

Hi guys, I'm looking for some advice.

First of all, for context, I'm MtF and have been on hormones for about six months. I 'pass' ok when I go out (I usually don't get misgendered, and when I correct people they get it right away). But that's with my wig, makeup, the right clothes etc. It feels pretty good actually, and I'm very happy that I've come this far in my transition.

But, I joined up with a gym just a week ago and I don't pass there. I guess I kind of had an unrealistic view of my appearance and thought I'd be ok without my wig or makeup and just wearing workout clothes. And well, I'm getting a lot of stares, and not good ones either. Yesterday, the receptionist 'sir'ed me ("how are you today sir?") and I had to correct him. I took a picture of myself in my workout clothes and yeah, I can see some feminine features, but I wouldn't gender me as female based on my appearance either. 

So, basically I'm wondering what you guys think I should do. I've considered the idea of wearing one of my cheaper wigs when I go to the gym (I'd rather avoid the wear on my better ones). Or maybe putting on makeup before going. I've never worn makeup to work out before, but I assume all the sweat would ruin it pretty quickly. The other option would be to just tough it out like I've been doing so far, it sucks, but I guess I can live with it.

What do you guys think I should do? Does anyone here wear a wig and/or makeup when they workout?

[Devlyn]

Tough to give you advice on this one. People see what they see, and apart from gentle corrections there isn't much you can do. I remember early on buying a catsuit because "how sexy is this going to be on me!" Well, it made me look so masculine I peeled it right off. My body wasn't there yet, and just as you said, not even I could gender myself female in it.

I feel your pain, all I can offer is be patient, it will come.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Northern Star Girl]

@Angela H
Dear Angela:
Without a photo it is difficult for me to suggest too many specifics that may help you.

At 6 months of HRT, there are some transitioners that can start passing reliably and for others it will take longer and therefore you will need patience and practice.
Please know that there is much more to passing than just HRT... ... body movements, voice, cosmetic enhancements, eyebrows trimmed and shaped....  and of course a wig if needed... BUT... many times the wrong wig can sabotage your "passing" attempts.   I see that many beginning transitioners seem to go for a wig with very long hair... which in itself can look good, but there are many very cute and very feminine hair styles for shorter hair and if there are other issues with face appearance the longer hair wig won't help at all in some cases.   

With longer hair, if going to the gym or being involved in physical activities, do what the cis-girls do....  pony tail, hair up and out of the way, etc.

Another thing that will help you to pass and be more confident is to go the the gym and other places with accepting cis-female friends... that will go a long way in not getting mis-gendered, plus you can learn how to refine your appearance and body movements by being with them and watching them.

Good luck to you, and keep going out there as Angela...  being clocked is disheartening but it can also be a learning experience ...

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Angela H]

@Angela H
Dear Angela:
Without a photo it is difficult for me to suggest too many specifics that may help you...

You want pictures?

Here's one of me as I usually present in public. I mostly get gendered correctly...


And here's me in my workout clothes (right after work out).

(hope these uploaded correctly)

Tough to give you advice on this one. People see what they see, and apart from gentle corrections there isn't much you can do. I remember early on buying a catsuit because "how sexy is this going to be on me!" Well, it made me look so masculine I peeled it right off. My body wasn't there yet, and just as you said, not even I could gender myself female in it.

I feel your pain, all I can offer is be patient, it will come.

Hugs, Devlyn

Yeah, this is so true. I bought several dresses when I first started transitioning, but I've only worn them one time since then... they really aren't very flattering on me at all, maybe it's the dress, maybe it's me.

Thanks for the responses. 

[Megan.]

Workout clothes are really tough when it comes to passing. I purposely wear quite bright/patterned womens fitness clothing. Pass or not, when confronted with that, most people are polite enough to accept me as they find me.

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[Virginia]

From the pictures your wig is a very strong female gender cue. Would you consider wearing workout clothes that were more female stereotypical (leggings and sports bra tops)?

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I would suggest going with a cheaper wig put into a ponytail. Another thing you could do is try wearing a t shirt with a feminine cut. Also shorter shorts would probably help, though it depends on how comfortable you are showing lots of skin.

[Kendra]

I recommend a different type of t-shirt.  Although both t-shirt collar styles are worn by men and women I think a vee-neck collar style fits well with chest shape.  You are fortunate to have a nice jaw line (mine was very square before surgery), a vee-shaped shirt collar compliments a tapered jaw. 

And consider color - the grey and blue are okay on any gender (and hot pink might over-do it) but I'd replace one of the two colors with something brighter and more feminine.  The grey shirt works okay with white or light color sweats or shorts.  Blue can look good on women (blue jeans, or a pure blue dress can be bold) but that often needs to be offset with a different color. 

I don't like stereotypes but it's the world we live in.  I remember clearly when I was six years old and bicycle shopping with my parents.  I told them I really liked the red bike but my dad said no that's a girl color.  They bought me a metallic blue bike. 

Workout clothes are obviously more comfortable if they fit loosely but your body has a nice shape - trying one size smaller on the t-shirt might help.  I can understand (from experience) the best pants or shorts depend on whether you have had GCS or are considering that - a loose fit may be the best answer for now. 

Makeup doesn't have to be all-or-nothing.  A touch of under-eye concealer can help lighten the face without any worry from eyeliner. 

Just some ideas.  You're on the right track.   

[KathyLauren]

I would suggest wearing a T-shirt in a feminine cut and bright colours.  Same for pants/shorts.  Something that no guy would be caught dead in. 

If you get a workout wig, get one in a short style, like a pixie cut.  There's nothing worse than wearing a fur hat when you are sweating, so the less you wear on your head the better.  I often wear a short wig (not for workouts, though) and it gets me gendered female every time.

[sarah1972]

I would second the idea of more feminine workout clothes. Passing is the sum of all cues people get, and clothes are a big part of it.

This is one of my gym outfits, I also have skorts (a combination of short and skirt) and a few shorter styles. Tank tops are nice since they allow the sports bra to be somewhat visible. You can see that I try wearing typical feminine colors and cuts.



Also, I would suggest to give it some time. It took me 15 months of HRT before I could pass without makeup. You are already showing some breast growth which is good. If you can, grow your hair. It takes a while to get through the awkward hair phase. In the gym I usually wear a ponytail, everything else is just too warm.

[Maid Marion]

My take on it.  People take gender clues from what they see.  If you are talking they look at your face, as that provides important communication clues.  Unless they are a cashier taking money from you, in which case they need to focus on your hands so they don't screw that up.  Then they would look at your hands for clues.  Are your nails done, for instance?

Female colors like pink and lavender would help,  as that should register even when they are looking at your face.  The blue shorts aren't helping.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

Also, when I do a long run I wear my hair in two braids to either side just behind my ears. Having hair frame the face is a big feminine cue.

[lostinlonging]

Hallo, Angela H.
You are looking good. I was the same feelings when I was beginning this change. You may try a head scarf and more girl close body clothes. It is to have to shout to others a girl so they are knowing this.
You will very soon be looking with your body more of you and not the boy. This is a long change but a happy feeling for you. Have fun and enjoy being a girl.
Dank.

[Gertrude]

I would suggest going with a cheaper wig put into a ponytail. Another thing you could do is try wearing a t shirt with a feminine cut. Also shorter shorts would probably help, though it depends on how comfortable you are showing lots of skin.

Or a fitness skirt or skort.


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[Angela H]

Thanks for the responses everybody!

I'll definitely try to get some more feminine workout clothes in lighter colors. It's difficult for me to present in a feminine manner because I have a lot of internalized transphobia and I don't feel like I'm allowed to dress or act like a woman sometimes. I'm always worried that people will laugh at me...

Anyways, after my last post I went to the gym and it was really hard. (I kind of thought that I had gotten to the point that not passing didn't really bother me anymore, but I guess that never happened: I just started passing without realizing it.)

I tried wearing some other items I had available. They're not really workout clothes exactly, but they're ok. I also put on some light makeup like Kendra suggested. And I ditched the sports bra, I don't really need one anyways.

And well, I look a little better, see for yourselves


I guess this is alright. I didn't get very many stares (a couple of stares I can deal with. I mean, sometimes people just stare; it doesn't have to mean anything).

Thanks for the support guys 

[lostinlonging]

You are looking very better and have a girl shape of your body.
I am not a " Guy "   
Please be happy and not to worry so much.
Dank.

[Maid Marion]

Men's shirts can be fitted to look more feminine if you learn how to use a sewing machine.  I need to do this because wearing over-sized shirts is really bad look.

[Allison S]

I think you look great [emoji173]
I remember just a few short months ago... I would go for walks and people on the streets would shout "sir!" at me asking me for money... I still remember those voices shouting out at me...  It's very hurtful [emoji20]

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[KathyLauren]

Your very beautiful


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