Opening the cage

[Moonflower]

When I was at Ulta to pick up some things that I thought Beth might like, I noticed that one of the store employees was a cross-dressing man, and one was a trans woman. That seemed to indicate that the company (or the local store) likely welcomes trans women.

So, when Beth expressed interest in a professional makeup lesson, I took her to Ulta. We both felt awkward since this would be her most public feminine presentation so far. She used her male name to sign in, and asked me to use male pronouns to refer to her, but she left more transformed into herself.

She was more photogenic than ever as I captured the results! I love seeing how she blossoms. She's even talking about questions she will ask next time.

I would post a photo, but she looked more gay than trans. I'll have to study the photos to identify what's so different about the way that the professional did her makeup. Maybe the lipstick color is too bold for Beth. The eyeliner was a lot thicker and darker than what I do. The foundation is paler than I'd choose.

Beth wants to start learning how to put makeup on herself. She was surprisingly eager when the professional handed her the mascara wand! We have great lighting and mirrors in the bathrooms, but not enough room for the two of us to work together there. The dining room table is a better setup. Any recommendations for a mirror?

[Maid Marion]

My last two wall mounted mirrors came from Target.    I have one in my office. 

Really enjoy your reports!

[Moonflower]

Hun, you are a family that needs it!  Family / single-user washrooms are for anyone who is not comfortable in a shared space.  I hope no one reading this will hesitate to use one if it is available and they need it.

Thank you Kathy for the encouragement. Apparently many people choose to use the family/single-user room instead of a public stall. I guess it's like when I sneak into the spacious handicapped stall when no one is around.

We discovered one Family Rest Room in the new wing of the jumbo mall. Beth felt so certain that she would be read as a man, she used the Men's room. Uneventful. Phew!

[LizK]

Hi Moonflower

Bathrooms really are a huge issue over there...In Australia I have the choice to use the disabled/single toilet or the womens bathroom but will quite often choose the disabled one because its easier with my walking stick and stupid hip.

I learned to do make up in steps and use a mirror with a 50x zoom on it along with a standard mirror for perspective. I started simply with one element(kohl eyeliner) until I was happy I could repeat a good result without even thinking about it, then I moved to liquid eyeliner and did my top lid, then mascara etc etc eventually doing a full basic makeup session that I have now got down to about 20minutes.

onwards and upwards

Take care


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Moonflower]

My last two wall mounted mirrors came from Target.    I have one in my office. 

Thanks for the pointer.

Really enjoy your reports!

Thanks. 

[Moonflower]

BlueStar was presenting as a male with all Man Clothes, and no thoughts of looking feminine when we went to Lowes several days ago. The checkout clerk said to us, "Have a nice day, ladies." BlueStar was on top of the world! She "passed" with absolutely no intent! I have noticed it happening before, but this was the first time that it caught her attention and delighted her. What a nice accomplishment for her, to accept and revel.

She had found a product online that might enliven her dried-out curly hair. We had the ingredients, so I mixed them up and applied it several nights after supper. I massage the oils into her scalp with the intent of restoring her lost hairs. It makes her curls curlier, and she really enjoys the feeling of her well-tended hair. We're wondering how effective one of the red-light helmets might be for coaxing her strands to grow again. I hate to cover up her gorgeous hair with a wig.

Two mornings ago I put some makeup on BlueStar. We have accumulated eye shadow, mascara, eye liner, eyebrow pencil, an eyelash curler, bronzer, blush, finishing powder, and lipstick. And a set of brushes. Soon we will have foundation, lip liner, and ... hmmmm I know that a third item is coming. I can't imagine what else we'll need. I'm looking forward to the foundation coming so I can start playing with the concealers that we got.

After I used each makeup item that we had, I stepped back and verified whether I had helped BlueStar to come out of hiding. Sure enough, she emerged, playfully urging me to accompany her to our favorite place to eat out. She surprised me, she was so excited about showing off her face. We went. All new employees, and no one looked amiss or said an unkind word. The world is proving to be a safe place! And she was much more observant of our environment. As a man, he buried his attention in a book, but she paid a lot of attention to who was there. People watching is a new interest of hers. She felt so safe there, she's considering going alone as a woman.

It used to be that dressing as a woman caused her to close the window shades and hide. Now it has the opposite effect. I love it!

One of her friends said that at a nearby university, students now introduce themselves with their names, majors, and preferred pronouns.

We spent a few hours with my youngest child a week ago. Beforehand, we discussed whether to let her know what we've been busy with. We decided against it for now, unless it came up. It didn't come up even though my fashionista daughter must have noticed that her stepfather was wearing ladies clothes. If it came up, I was considering pointing out that women's clothes fit him much better than men's. After all, BlueStar has slender arms and narrow shoulders.

I'm looking forward to telling my kids. I look forward to seeing and hearing their responses. I hope they have questions. I'm sure that they will behave well because they know that I embrace diversity. I'm looking forward to them meeting BlueStar. We hesitate because their stepmother has surprised us several times by being inhumanely cruel, and we don't know if we can imagine how she might respond when one of my kids inevitably mentions something about Her.

I wonder when BlueStar will feel ready to tell them. She says that starting HRT will cause her to tell another wave of people. She had an appointment for her first HRT consultation Wednesday of this week, but yesterday we got a text message stating that the provider canceled it. How annoying!  Especially after they made a mistake a few weeks ago, and lost the appointment that she had made then. They open in an hour and a half. I think that BlueStar will be on the phone...

[AnneK]

I'm glad she's going for hormones.  I have my first appointment in April.

[Moonflower]

I'm glad she's going for hormones.  I have my first appointment in April.

Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm excited for you!

And groooooan! Why do you have to wait until then? I wonder how you can make good use of the wait time. I'm impatient. Maybe they'll have a cancellation?

[AnneK]

Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm excited for you!

And groooooan! Why do you have to wait until then? I wonder how you can make good use of the wait time. I'm impatient. Maybe they'll have a cancellation?

I've mentioned this in other threads, but I suspect the issue is there aren't that many endocrinologists supporting the trans community.  Also, the protocols, in Ontario, changed back in 2016, making the process much easier.  I suspect this may have resulted in an increase in people wanting these services.  One improvement is hormones are now informed consent.  I told my doctor I wanted hormones and was referred to the endocrinologist. No therapist needed.  Even surgery is much easier.  Now, it requires a year on hormones and two evaluations.  However, those evaluations can be done by other than a psychiatrist, as used to be the case.  They can be done by a doctor, social worker with a masters degree, practical nurse and a few others.  Years ago, it was necessary to be in real life experience for a year, before even getting hormones, and the program was more of an obstacle course than a process to help people achieve what they needed.  Now, RLE is not even needed for surgery.

BTW, I have a personal friend who's a psychologist.  I was dressed as a woman, when I first met her 23 years ago.  Perhaps I could get her to provide an evaluation.   

[Moonflower]

BTW, I have a personal friend who's a psychologist.  I was dressed as a woman, when I first met her 23 years ago.  Perhaps I could get her to provide an evaluation.   

Sounds like a great plan!

[Moonflower]

Happy New Year!
KimOct and I were working on defining what makes my responses so different from other trans SOs'. Why don't I mourn? Why do I share my BlueStar's excitement? Why am I sometimes more in a hurry for the next steps than she?

* He was more cautious than I; I'm more adventurous. BlueStar shares my love for getting out and about. .
* I deliberately raised my kids to be gender neutral until they each expressed their own genders in their own ways.
* I grew up attracted to adults who taught me to see the world with open perspectives. I was always adverse to people who saw and did things The Right Way.
* BlueStar's feminine, bold side is what I saw the moment that I first noticed her/him. That's who I fell in love with.
* Her masculine facade was also compatible with me, but both Beth and I prefer her feminine self.
* Her puberty-like enthusiasm for all things female is contagious. I want to be more feminine too! And she is beautifully artistic with color combinations that delight me.

If you're an SO, I hope that you find my stories boring, compared with yours. If so, please share more items to add to this list. If not, then being inspiring  to you is my second choice. And I hope to be inspired by you.

If you're a single trans person, I hope this list helps you believe in and recognize a great partner.

If you're a trans person in a relationship, I hope that this list helps you to assess how likely your relationship is to survive. As I said to SOs, please share items to add to this list.

Best wishes to you as you and your loved ones face the new year with hope.

[AnneK]

KimOct and I were working on defining what makes my responses so different from other trans SOs'.

I probably mentioned this before, but I'm sure many of us here wish we had a partner like you.  In my own case, my wife liked to see me in stockings or pantyhose, but that was as far as she was prepared to go.  I wasn't able to fully dress as a woman, until after we split.  I would have loved to have had your kind of support from her.  Perhaps I'd be a lot further along by now.

[Moonflower]

I probably mentioned this before, but I'm sure many of us here wish we had a partner like you.  In my own case, my wife liked to see me in stockings or pantyhose, but that was as far as she was prepared to go.  I wasn't able to fully dress as a woman, until after we split.  I would have loved to have had your kind of support from her.  Perhaps I'd be a lot further along by now.

Anne, you have had terribly hard decisions to make, and painful consequences. If the world was a more supportive place, your identity wouldn't have been an issue at all. How does our society benefit from keeping people, men in particular, confined to restricted, rigid sex roles? How are dresses different from business suits?

You can have a partner like me. You deserve a partner like me. One way to succeed is to make your own list of characteristics so you'll recognize a good candidate. Be clear about what you want. Tune into it, and then focus on it. Boost your power with prayer and/or telling certain people.

At the risk of sounding crass, I commend you for choosing your identity and self expression over a relationship that squelched them. That was a significant step toward finding your angel.

[AnneK]

At the risk of sounding crass, I commend you for choosing your identity and self expression over a relationship that squelched them. That was a significant step toward finding your angel.

Actually, that had nothing to do with why we split.  She had some very harmful ideas about relationships in a marriage.

[KimOct]

Moonflower - I think that was amazing and thank you for sharing.  I certainly understand SOs that cannot deal with transition.  It is not what they thought they were getting into HOWEVER I think it shows an incredible love to want to stay with someone when they become who they really are as a person.

Is it difficult for some? If course.  Does it take adjustment - yes to that as well. But I think if you truly love the PERSON you realize that nothing has changed about them - instead they are simply showing a deeper level of who they really are.

And in some cases such as Moonflower it doesn't take that much work at all.  Those are the free spirited, open minded people that have not been molded by societal constructs as much as most of us have been.

Sadly transition IMHO probably reduces chances for finding great romantic / partner type relationships but it does not eliminate the possibility altogether.  I am not expecting one and may not find one but I am hoping.  A good life is a balance of hope and realism.  You need both.

Thanks Moonflower You are the best !!!  And I think you and Blue Star are great for each other.    (insert heart emoji here)

[Moonflower]

Actually, that had nothing to do with why we split.  She had some very harmful ideas about relationships in a marriage.

Many apologies. I'm so sorry for my assumption. Thanks for correcting me.

[Moonflower]

I think it shows an incredible love to want to stay with someone when they become who they really are as a person.

I learned to be so loving from BlueStar. She set the bar high. I can't understand why no one else grabbed her up. She waits on me hand-and-foot, tirelessly, when I am sick, or just tired. She accommodates my every wish. She studies and shares my values. Her principles are loftier than mine. I had no idea what I was getting into when I married her. I lucked out.

But I think if you truly love the PERSON you realize that nothing has changed about them - instead they are simply showing a deeper level of who they really are.

And in some cases such as Moonflower it doesn't take that much work at all. Those are the free spirited, open minded people that have not been molded by societal constructs as much as most of us have been.

Kim, it really doesn't take any work at all to want to be worthy of keeping a close relationship with BlueStar. I am deeply glad to find that I am free spirited and open minded, not molded by social constructs in spite of intense pressures from conventional people. As you know, being who I am is much easier and healthier than conforming to social constructs.

Sadly transition IMHO probably reduces chances for finding great romantic / partner type relationships but it does not eliminate the possibility altogether.  I am not expecting one and may not find one but I am hoping.

Kim, I am hoping that your transition leads you to see that you now have INCREASED chances for finding great romantic/partner type relationships.

Much love,
Grace

[Moonflower]

Yesterday, BlueStar's hormone doctor didn't want to start her on estrogen. Feminization hormone therapy was no problem as we three considered spironolactone to reduce her facial hair, or finasteride to help her recover hair on her balding scalp, but BlueStar's cholesterol had exceeded a critical level, and she and I weren't ready for her to try statins. The doctor wouldn't prescribe estrogen until BlueStar agreed to take a statin, expecting that the estrogen would further increase BlueStar's cholesterol which might cause a fatal blood clot.

You see, BlueStar's primary care dr had recently recommended statins, so we've been researching their pros and cons.

But high "bad" cholesterol doesn't make sense for someone like BlueStar who is slender with low blood pressure, low blood sugar, low triglycerides, low inflammation markers, high HDL, and no history of any heart disease. She exercises vigorously almost every day. She eats nutrient-dense foods. She feels great!

We have been discovering that BlueStar's "bad" cholesterol probably isn't the kind that clogs blood vessels. We understand that it is the kind of cholesterol that transports energy to the cells. It might be elevated in response to her newly-discovered (mild) thyroiditis.

Fortunately, the hormone doctor is familiar with the functional medicine doctors/authors whom we are learning from, and she respects them. Her husband has been studying under one of our favorite ones.

So, we picked up the statin (to appease the dr, possibly err on the side of caution, and cautiously try it while we continue to choose a heart dr) and the spironolactone. The estrogen is on order, due in the day after tomorrow.

BlueStar is officially beginning HRT! We celebrated by going shopping, and found a blouse on Clearance that we really liked for her. And a sales clerk referred to us as "ladies".

Please keep us in your prayers as we deal with what might be a life-or-death decision. Thank you.

[AnneK]

Great she's starting HRT.  As for cholesterol, my understanding is it varies greatly with the individual, regardless of other considerations.  Fortunately mine's low, despite not being the healthiest eater.  Some people have that problem and others don't.

[AnneK]

BlueStar is officially beginning HRT!

I believe you said this was her first appointment with the endocrinologist.  I'm hoping it will also take only one appointment for me.