Visit With My 3 Kids
Oldest
During a conversation with my kids this past week, one referred to a meme that was unfamiliar to me, with the caption, "It's Ma'am!" My oldest explained that a ">-bleeped-<" was at a cashier's counter, wearing a dress, and the cashier referred to her as, "Sir." Thus, the meme. My eldest concluded, with impatience, that when someone makes a choice like that, they have to expect such things. Rage swelled in me, that she would dare to be so bigoted and noncompassionate, but I was barely recovering from a migraine, so did not perpetuate the conversation opportunity, and the subject changed.
Middle
My son said at one point that if he hiked a rough mountain trail, and when he got to the summit, he discovered a lot of people there because there was a car road to the top, his hiking effort would be wasted. I questioned him about this, and he insisted that his effort would be wasted. Completely. He saw no value in hiking a rough trail unless the destination was somewhere that few people can ever get to. I finally conceded that maybe he saw it that way because he's a stereotypical man who is focused on the destination, while women are more likely to focus on the journey. He said that such stereotypes don't hold true anymore because the sexes aren't so distinct any more. I asked him to explain. He said that people are more gender fluid now, like the ancient Egyptians and Romans; more true to our nature. How delightful!
I took this opportunity to tell him that some people are concerned because they perceive that all of the students at the high school that he attended over 10 years ago are conforming to pressure to be transgender and/or homosexual. His eyes bugged out. He confirmed that this was a huge change from when he was there. I said that I like opportunities for exploring self expression. Of course, he knows that about me. Beth and I agreed to keep her in the closet during this visit, so I didn't make this conversation any more personal to me.
Youngest
My youngest mentioned that she was continuing to follow her favorite customers on Instagram from several years ago: men who bought women's shoes for themselves from the store where she worked. She said it with obvious affection and respect, which made me proud. So, my husband asked her to take us shopping to help him find a warm woman's hoodie in a pretty color. She knew exactly what he meant about men's clothes being horrid, drab colors. I pointed out how men's don't fit him well, and she agreed. We found one, and she shared our joy. Then, he wore it in front of my other two kids, and my son-in-law. He wore women's hoodies, shirts, and a coat during the entire visit, but these were all relatively androgynous.
Conclusion
I'm glad that these subjects arose. I'm glad that Beth took a big baby step by expressing a bit of her clothes preferences. We have overheard them bashing men for wearing what they (my kids) perceived as feminine clothes, years ago (e.g., nightshirts), so this was a significant milestone. I'll continue to keep my ears open for indicators that my oldest might be less judgmental, or at least hope for times when I can question her apparent misconception about why some people wear clothes that she doesn't like on them.
When we arrived home, I repeatedly scolded myself for thinking of Beth as a He, and thinking of her as her dead name. I'm so glad to be home with her again, and seeing her come back to full life.
Any thoughts? Suggestions?
