Opening the cage

[Moonflower]

From the reading I have done here I don't feel you should be scolding yourself. My wife really gets upset when she messes up my pronouns but she is in such a difficult position. It mainly happens upon her return from work where they are not aware of my transition so still infrequently has to use male pronouns when referring to me....to her my transition is a private matter and she is not ready to share it with her work colleagues. Like you she is very accepting and encouraging of me but you were in a difficult situation being forced to think of Beth in male terms as you are yet to have all your kids know. You have demonstrated time and time again your understanding and love...can I suggest you are remarkably caring  in so many ways that these kinds of things just take some time to work themselves out ... and they will

Take care

Liz

Thanks Liz so much for stopping by! You're looking great! I was on the edge of my seat, sending you comforting thoughts, following along with your posts until you were safely home from your surgery, and then got caught up in my own life dramas.

Thanks for your support and encouragement as I put these slip-ups into perspective.

Always appreciating you and wishing you well,
Grace

[Moonflower]

I've been away from Susan's as my sweetie and I deal with health challenges. Three drs in a row bullied her into taking a statin for her extremely high cholesterol. They put a damper on her HRT enthusiasm. We kept coming across statements advising that she balance her hormones according to conventional targets.

Finally, the fourth dr ordered lots of tests to determine why Beth's cholesterol is so high. It looks like a hormone issue, not something that a statin can address.

On the one hand, Beth's health seems to depend on her balancing her hormones.

On the other hand, Beth has been lucky to appear so feminine because her sex hormones are naturally so "unbalanced".

We welcome thoughts.

We understand that some people here gladly exchange long-term health for a body that more accurately reflects who they are. But when Beth was described as being about to have a heart attack, she was willing to put all transitioning on the back burner, in exchange for strong health and continuation of life.

As it turns out, Beth's heart health reflects all of her loving kindness. It is planning on ticking for a long time. Her cholesterol level soared to address a hormone issue, which we expect the doctor to guide us through.

Have you been in her shoes? What would you do?

[Dena]

You may have already considered this but I would look at it from the point of diet. Being overweight or consuming unhealthy fats might at least contribute to the problem. On the other hand, elephants have high cholesterol and all they eat is grass so a doctor who will work with you is important.

[Moonflower]

Thank you Dena for your caring suggestion.

Beth is slender. She eats an immaculate whole foods organic diet that is nutrient dense. Never any processed foods. She exercises hard, and feels great after each session. Her cardiac risk factors are outstanding. Those 3 doctors who just looked at one of her cholesterol numbers rattled us. We intensely dove into learning deeply about different kinds if cholesterol, what their roles are, how they interact with hormones...

Yes, we are glad to have found a doctor who is on the same page as us. Meanwhile, I hate seeing her femininity being neglected. No energy for feminine grooming (cosmetics, voice training, photographing progress, mannerisms...). We wonder if HRT is completely out of the question; we were so excited about the possible results.

I encourage her by pointing out how often she passes, and how feminine she is, but her stress level seems to be pushing her into the safer territory of more masculine persona.

Dena, talking with you is great. I realize that I need to set aside time for grooming her. We are catching our breath now as we have saturated our brains with health stuff for now, and are in a lull as we wait to meet with the dr a second time to discuss the test results. Thank you for helping me to see this.

Wishing you well,
Grace

[Faith]

Moonflower, it's great to see you posting. Cholesterol .. yep, mine is up as well. My GP looked at it and said right away that it was likely hormone related and to just watch my diet.

health vs transition. I couldn't do it either. I'd have to choose health. I'll always be me, if I'm dead who am I?

Please don't let her drop everything. I know what it's like to shift single mindedly into one direction. It rarely ends up well, for physical and mental well-being. Lori has always hounded me guided me when I did that. Good luck keeping her on track in all aspects. A slow-down is better than a stoppage.

Post more!!
Hugs
Faith

[Dena]

I also have marginally high Cholesterol but because my LDL (bad cholesterol) is only 72 and my HDL is 103, the doctors said don't worry about the high total. One additional item, some unprocessed fats can still be bad for you. Coconut oil is a fat that might cause problems in some people. Olive oil which is monounsaturated and polyunsaturated oils are best in this type of diet. The funny one is peanut butter. If the peanut butter is solid at room temperature, use it for mouse bait. If the peanut butter separates at room temperature, it's good for you.

[LizK]

Hi Moonflower

I have battled high cholesterol for many years and was put on statins prior to transition. My diet was no the best as I didn't much care about my health. Once I began to take care of myself as I began to transition myt then Dr refused to even entertain the idea that statins may be bad for you and when I argued he refused to see me again...he did me a huge favour as I sought out another far more knowledgeable Dr who also ran a battery of test s and determined that whilst statins were one option they were not the only one.

Careful consultation with good Dr's can lead to some really good outcomes. I have found with my hereditary high cholesterol that diet worked for me I hope a combination of things will work for Beth. It sounds like she already leats a healthy diet and the Dr's almost had a kneejerk reaction.   

So glad to see you back posting you insights have been missed

Liz

[KimOct]

I've been away from Susan's as my sweetie and I deal with health challenges. Three drs in a row bullied her into taking a statin for her extremely high cholesterol. They put a damper on her HRT enthusiasm. We kept coming across statements advising that she balance her hormones according to conventional targets.

Finally, the fourth dr ordered lots of tests to determine why Beth's cholesterol is so high. It looks like a hormone issue, not something that a statin can address.

On the one hand, Beth's health seems to depend on her balancing her hormones.

On the other hand, Beth has been lucky to appear so feminine because her sex hormones are naturally so "unbalanced".

We welcome thoughts.

We understand that some people here gladly exchange long-term health for a body that more accurately reflects who they are. But when Beth was described as being about to have a heart attack, she was willing to put all transitioning on the back burner, in exchange for strong health and continuation of life.

As it turns out, Beth's heart health reflects all of her loving kindness. It is planning on ticking for a long time. Her cholesterol level soared to address a hormone issue, which we expect the doctor to guide us through.

Have you been in her shoes? What would you do?

MOONFLOWER  !!!!  My favorite SO  !!! 

I came by to take a peek when I saw it was you.  So sorry to hear about Beth's health issues.  Here's the thing.  The ability to do or not do certain medical procedures, medications etc do not define who someone is.

I have been battling cancer for 7 years, lost a kidney to it but it is contained.  More of a pain than anything.  Also I have had two heart attacks.  One very serious.  My heart function is 39%.  This limits my estrogen to 1/3 the normal dose.

Anyway enough of me.  I only mention my health issues to say it has nothing to do with living authentically.

I had an orchiectomy -(testicle removal)  got rid of that nasty testosterone. 

It is a relatively simple procedure.  But more importantly Beth can live as who she is no matter what the medical constraints.  As for me I just figured a different way to do it.

I wanted to get a nose job.  They said sure but it has to be in the hospital.  Twice the cost. 

Doesn't matter.  I changed my name, my birth certificate, my drivers license, social security etc etc.  I am legally a woman.

Beth is also a woman.  Living as one is an option.  It just needs to be figured out by the two of you what that looks like.

Hugs, from your biggest fan.

[Moonflower]

Thank you everyone for rallying around us, and giving  us food for thought. Monday is BlueStar's dr. appt. when we'll discuss what the test results look like, and what to do about them.

Thank you for reminding us that transitioning occurs many different ways. Thanks for encouraging us to see that health doesn't have to be sacrificed in exchange for transitioning.

I continue to refer to her with male pronouns in my mind. Something about her seems to have reverted to being more masculine, since these health scares arose. I continue to end each day, disappointed that I neglected opportunities to foster her deeper self expression.

Maybe we're trying to negotiate a deal, thinking that if she continues to be as masculine as she can be, her health issue will resolve. We're hoping that we can see a way to safely resume her HRT.

Soon the weather will be suitable for something that she has been pining for for months: a walk with me in a park in a summery dress. Our snow melted, and frosts are less often. Soon!

Hugs,
Grace

[AnneK]

We're hoping that we can see a way to safely resume her HRT.

I don't recall the origin of her high cholesterol.  Did it have anything to do with HRT?  I have fairly low cholesterol, so that's not a problem for me.  I also started HRT 3 weeks ago, so I'll have to see what my blood test results are, when I go for my next physical in September.  Hopefully, she'll soon be on HRT again.

[Linde]

@Moonflower it may be that Beth can continue on her way to femininity for a while without using hormones.  I had no clue about HRT when I started to transition, an am on that stuff now for 6 months only, and after my orchi I have a rather low dose of estrogen only, because it does not have to fight testosterone anymore.  Maybe you guys could consider an orchiectomy for Beth?
We have one lady her on this forum who had to stop taking estrogen because of a server DVT, and as far as I know, she still feels very feminin.
I am lucky, I have relatively low cholesterol, but I eat mostly fish, vegetables and use healthy fats.  maybe a realignment of her diet may also help?

Good luck for you guys!

[Moonflower]

I don't recall the origin of her high cholesterol.  Did it have anything to do with HRT?  I have fairly low cholesterol, so that's not a problem for me.  I also started HRT 3 weeks ago, so I'll have to see what my blood test results are, when I go for my next physical in September.  Hopefully, she'll soon be on HRT again.

Thanks, Anne, for sharing this journey. We still don't know the origin of Beth's high cholesterol. Her hunch is that it is a reaction to her (subclinical) low thyroid functioning. Yesterday we met with her Functional Medicine dr, and she confirmed that Beth's thyroid and cholesterol have improved since Beth has been taking a thyroid gland supplement. We wonder if Beth's naturally-low testosterone level might be contributing, since it is a hormone, like T3 and T4, but we forgot to ask yesterday.

3 weeks for you on HRT! Congratulations! May it be only good for you! May you receive only benefits from it! May it help you get to where you want to be!

[AnneK]

Thanks, Anne, for sharing this journey. We still don't know the origin of Beth's high cholesterol. Her hunch is that it is a reaction to her (subclinical) low thyroid functioning. Yesterday we met with her Functional Medicine dr, and she confirmed that Beth's thyroid and cholesterol have improved since Beth has been taking a thyroid gland supplement. We wonder if Beth's naturally-low testosterone level might be contributing, since it is a hormone, like T3 and T4, but we forgot to ask yesterday.

Glad to see there's still hope.

3 weeks for you on HRT! Congratulations! May it be only good for you! May you receive only benefits from it! May it help you get to where you want to be!

Thank you.

It'll be 4 weeks tomorrow.  And yes, I'm finding it's what I want to do.  It just feels so right.  I have noticed some breast growth, starting about a week ago.  Also, my areola seem to be in the process of enlarging.  I expect I'll soon have to buy some news bras.   

[Moonflower]

@Moonflower it may be that Beth can continue on her way to femininity for a while without using hormones.  I had no clue about HRT when I started to transition, an am on that stuff now for 6 months only, and after my orchi I have a rather low dose of estrogen only, because it does not have to fight testosterone anymore.  Maybe you guys could consider an orchiectomy for Beth?
We have one lady her on this forum who had to stop taking estrogen because of a server DVT, and as far as I know, she still feels very feminin.
I am lucky, I have relatively low cholesterol, but I eat mostly fish, vegetables and use healthy fats.  maybe a realignment of her diet may also help?

Good luck for you guys!

Thank you, Linde, for checking in with us. HRT is something that Beth is deeply longing for, but the cholesterol issue is blocking her transition energy. We are afraid that an orchiectomy might aggravate the hormone imbalance that seems to be at the root of the cholesterol issue.

Yesterday, when the doctor reviewed the changes that Beth made since her last visit, she zoomed in on the thyroid supplement that Beth has been using, and prescribed a (possibly) better one. Perhaps bringing her thyroid up to speed will do the trick. The dr.is considering suggesting a trial low-fat vegan diet, but not yet. She is focusing on fixing the thyroid issue first with direct support. I love how this dr thinks out loud and presents many choices with humble recognition that she doesn't know what will work best, and supports whatever Beth chooses to try.

I am stunned that you have been on HRT for 6 months! It seems like you started just a few days ago! Time has been flying! We're glad that it is working out well for you. We always wish you the best,
Grace

[Moonflower]

I'm finding it's what I want to do.  It just feels so right.  I have noticed some breast growth, starting about a week ago.  Also, my areola seem to be in the process of enlarging.  I expect I'll soon have to buy some news bras.   

Hooray for bra shopping! May you soon outgrow your new bras

When Beth's breasts started responding to her HRT, I remembered how happy I was when my breasts started growing. I remembered being annoyed with the boys who made such a fuss about how tender their testicles were, when my breasts seemed just as tender.

Take care,
Grace

[AnneK]

Hooray for bra shopping! May you soon outgrow your new bras

When Beth's breasts started responding to her HRT, I remembered how happy I was when my breasts started growing. I remembered being annoyed with the boys who made such a fuss about how tender their testicles were, when my breasts seemed just as tender.

Take care,
Grace

I also remember those days, many years ago.  It seemed some girls "bloomed" overnight!  I do recall I did not want to go through puberty.

[AnneK]

Hooray for bra shopping! May you soon outgrow your new bras

That's why I'm looking in Walmart, rather than the bra shop I usually go to.  I'm also considering sports bras, as they don't seem to so limiting as to size.  I bought one a while ago.

I'll go back to buying good bras, once the growth slows/stops.  The 38As I've been wearing since I started wearing a bra daily are now getting a bit snug.   

[Moonflower]

The 38As I've been wearing since I started wearing a bra daily are now getting a bit snug.   

[Linde]

I remembered being annoyed with the boys who made such a fuss about how tender their testicles were, when my breasts seemed just as tender.

Take care,
Grace

Believe me, the most horrible breast/nipple pain cannot come close to the pain that is felt from a kick into the balls!

I had the chance to experience both!

[Linde]

That's why I'm looking in Walmart, rather than the bra shop I usually go to.  I'm also considering sports bras, as they don't seem to so limiting as to size.  I bought one a while ago.

I'll go back to buying good bras, once the growth slows/stops.  The 38As I've been wearing since I started wearing a bra daily are now getting a bit snug.   

Would you mind telling me why you wear a bra?  I wear those contraptions only if a clothing item I wear on top calls for one.
I have a 40 B bust trying very hard to become a 40 C.