How do/did you cope with dysphoria?

[Alice (nym)]

In the past, my dysphoria was mostly just envy of girls and then women (as I grew). There were periods when the dysphoria was absolutely hating my genitalia. But mostly it was envy.

I am unsure how much it affected me in the past but in August, I started to notice that I was getting increasingly stressed ticking the 'male' box on HR equality forms. Then everything exploded inside me and I came here looking for help and some fabulous people reached out to me and have helped me get things back under control enough to function and set me on my journey.

But I have almost a year to wait before seeing a specialist at the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC). In the meanwhile my dysphoria has been increasingly getting worse. The other day I silently cried all the way home in the car after picking my daughter up because I wasn't a woman. Today it took all of my effort not to do the same in the middle of the supermarket when shopping. I changed my name on the forums and the people I am open to have started calling me Alice and I feel great when they do that. It gives me a buzz but at the same time I find myself cringing when I hear the name I was given at birth.

I am getting massive mood swings from elated and joy to deep deep depression. Swings that are happening in minutes. I've literally got no control on my emotions and my dysphoria has never been so high as it is right now.

So I was wondering what people do to cope with their dysphoria. 

[Virginia]

Tai Chi, Yoga, Meditation; ; the change must come from within.

[Rayna]

Can you get some satisfaction from cross dressing and presenting female? This has helped me, and particularly going out in public that way, scary as it may be.

Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk

[ShannonH]

When I started experiencing increased gender Dysphoria I would play Second life or Black desert online, I know it is not what we want but it helped when I couldn't possibly cross-dress in public due to not ''being out''

The depth of Character customization on both those games are huge, so you can build the beautiful women you have always wanted to be! not to mention the amount of clothes you get to pick from lol and obviously loose yourself in an online game world and make some friends!

Not sure if you play games on PC but this helped me a lot.

Also going out and meeting people who may be going through the same thing will really help, it can be hard to make certain friends in todays world but its worth the long journey trying to find them.

<3

[jaybutterfly]

When I started experiencing increased gender Dysphoria I would play Second life or Black desert online, I know it is not what we want but it helped when I couldn't possibly cross-dress in public due to not ''being out''

The depth of Character customization on both those games are huge, so you can build the beautiful women you have always wanted to be! not to mention the amount of clothes you get to pick from lol and obviously loose yourself in an online game world and make some friends!

Not sure if you play games on PC but this helped me a lot.

Also going out and meeting people who may be going through the same thing will really help, it can be hard to make certain friends in todays world but its worth the long journey trying to find them.

<3

The black desert thing absolutely. I made a Mystic using my eye and hair colour, with attempts to approximate my shoulder width and such as best as I could and the design is the closest I can get without putting stubble on her. I actually cried when I made her and started playing.



These days, since my last assessment that went sour, my dysphoria has skyrocketed along with depression, but Ive come to realize I just need to cope a little longer. I cant transition in my family home, and a lot of my uncertainty is down to my family. If they would stop attacking me every time i bring up my gender by telling me nobody would love me or that they are supportive because 'they havent thrown me out' and that I should take 'alternative treatments I am comfortable with' (By which they mean, THEY are comfortable with).

Im also back in touch with my old gender therapist who I havent seen for the best part of 5 years now

[Gabrielle66]

Alice,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having so much suffering with your dysphoria. I can't say that I've discovered any amazing methods of my own. What I have found to be the most helpful for me are wearing panties, sitting to pee, shaving body hair, using a feminine smelling shampoo and conditioner, and using lotion to soften my skin are all things that have helped. Talking to my therapist is very important and makes a lot of difference. A lot of that I think is that it feels proactive. I'm working towards a goal that matters to me. I will day that Shannon has a nice idea there with the games. A good role playing game that allows you to create a female character can be a great outlet. Of course, that time spent playing the game is time away from your wife and daughter. Perhaps in small increments that could be a good outlet. The Mass Effect trilogy and Dragon Age Inquisition are epic games with very uplifting story lines. The character creator gives you a decent mix of features to allow you to create a pretty satisfying character including makeup and tattoos or even scars. I've spent hundreds of hours playing these games myself and they even allow you to pull off a same sex romance. I sure hope you can find some things to ease your dysphoria very soon Alice. Love and faith and a huge hug.

Gabrielle 

[Kirsteneklund7]

In the past, my dysphoria was mostly just envy of girls and then women (as I grew). There were periods when the dysphoria was absolutely hating my genitalia. But mostly it was envy.

I am unsure how much it affected me in the past but in August, I started to notice that I was getting increasingly stressed ticking the 'male' box on HR equality forms. Then everything exploded inside me and I came here looking for help and some fabulous people reached out to me and have helped me get things back under control enough to function and set me on my journey.

But I have almost a year to wait before seeing a specialist at the Gender Identity Clinic (GIC). In the meanwhile my dysphoria has been increasingly getting worse. The other day I silently cried all the way home in the car after picking my daughter up because I wasn't a woman. Today it took all of my effort not to do the same in the middle of the supermarket when shopping. I changed my name on the forums and the people I am open to have started calling me Alice and I feel great when they do that. It gives me a buzz but at the same time I find myself cringing when I hear the name I was given at birth.

I am getting massive mood swings from elated and joy to deep deep depression. Swings that are happening in minutes. I've literally got no control on my emotions and my dysphoria has never been so high as it is right now.

So I was wondering what people do to cope with their dysphoria.

Hi Alice- love the avatar!

  Funny thing in my forties mental will alone couldn't stop my desire to be a woman - the black dog of dysphoria visited as well- that was a confusing time because I didn't have any methodology to manage the dysphoria. These days I can get by
1.Talk to friends and family as required.
2. Continue HRT.
3. Allow feminine expression.
4. Maintain good health and fitness.
5. Not getting drunk.
Another fortunate situation is I have a friend I have known for 20 years who happens to be trans. When things have been tough or depressing she has been my agony aunt. Its often interesting comparing notes with her.

Is it worth getting HRT via informed consent in the short term?. HRT is highly effective in reducing dysphoria intensity straight up.

Peaceful meditative time out is also important. Quiet reading, yoga, fishing with the kids -swim at the local beach, walking in a peaceful environment,playing the guitar. Limit social media, gaming, television & frenetic activities.

Feminine expression and HRT are the most helpful though.

Thoughts are with you, kind regards Kirsten.

[big kim]

Cutting, skipping meals, drinking, drugs & fighting

[pamelatransuk]

Hello again Alice

I know exactly how you feel as I used to get extremely depressed whereas now I am still depressed at times but not to the same degree. My GD is also triggered by seeing women and being so envious of their shapeliness and regrets that I missed out on so many years of womanhood including female puberty and changing fashions and being perceived and treated as a woman.

My advice is as many here in UK have already done is to contact GenderGP (there are several GenderGP threads on Susans) and they will provide both therapy but more importantly HRT. I have great admiration for British NHS but it is inadequately funded for transgender care and I have been on HRT for 8 months after both I and their therapist believed it was appropriate and I have certainly benefitted from it.

Secondly I assume you have some "equipment" and there must be times when only you are alone in the house during which time you may be able to crossdress and apply make-up.

Finally I don't think you need anyone's permission to bodyshave. You can simply do it in the privacy of the bathroom or you may wish to take it to the next stage and at least consider Body Hair Removal by Laser.

I truly hope you don't have to suffer such pain and constant depression and find resolution. I promise you the temporary solution is certainly HRT and BHR.

Hugs

Pamela 

[cargo555]

crossdressing, practicing speaking in a feminine voice, complimenting my female coworkers on their dress/makeup (lord knows how jealous i am of them), watchin Youtube videos of other transgender women and seeing how happy they are

[Kylo]

Mine is mostly gone now, whatever remains is more like existential issues and issues of being dealt a crap hand. Before I just used to turn a blind eye to it as much as possible. Avoid mirrors. Etc.

[Alice (nym)]

Thank you everyone for your advice and kind comments. It feels like a bit of a catch 22 situation... I am observing women more closely and comparing them to men in order to correct any errant behaviour I have. Some things I do more feminine naturally anyway but there are little differences I didn't used to do. When I am on my own practicing those little things, I feel good. But when I am in a setting with lots of women and observing how they move, what they wear, how they do their makeup etc. it is triggering my dysphoria.

Similarly, when I am chatting with the people who I am open with and on Susan's I am using Alice and I am being referred to as she/her and it is fabulous. I love it. It really makes me feel happy inside to be accepted. But then I have to go back to pretending to be masculine and that too is triggering the dysphoria.

I now can't wait to see the therapist. It is not that I expect my dysphoria to suddenly vanish, it is that they will give me the legitimacy I need to start being more open. I know who I am and I know what I suffer, and the people I chat openly and honestly with me agree with my assessment but having a professional confirm what I know will give me the boost I finally need to overcome my fear. Until then, there is still a little voice inside me accusing me of being a fraud, there is a bit of me that clings on to the need to hide, that tells me to feel ashamed, embarrassed and to fear.

I am hoping that with legitimacy that I can finally break free from the fear and begin to truly express myself.

However, in the meanwhile, I will try some of the things mentioned (perhaps not cutting though).

Thank you

love
Alice

[ChrissyRyan]

Now this may sound dumb in terms of helping dysphoria, (good to do though!) but
if you can also volunteer at a shelter that helps women or the poor or the homeless, that can be internally satisfying and you are helping people.

It does take the focus off of ourselves. 

For sure, a good therapist is a must for me though to help my clarification of thoughts and feelings.

Chrissy

[MissKatie]

I alternate between crying and holding back tears lol.
Not the best way of coping

[JannaLM]

I now can't wait to see the therapist. It is not that I expect my dysphoria to suddenly vanish, it is that they will give me the legitimacy I need to start being more open. I know who I am and I know what I suffer, and the people I chat openly and honestly with me agree with my assessment but having a professional confirm what I know will give me the boost I finally need to overcome my fear. Until then, there is still a little voice inside me accusing me of being a fraud, there is a bit of me that clings on to the need to hide, that tells me to feel ashamed, embarrassed and to fear.

I am hoping that with legitimacy that I can finally break free from the fear and begin to truly express myself.

OMG I feel you so much girl. I want a therapist to confirm this with me too. I have a little voice in my head saying "
"LIAR! Just go back to the way you were. It will be easier. You'll never be a REAL woman so don't pretend." and it makes me want to cry. But the more I embrace who I think I really am, the quieter that voice gets.

Like some of the other girls here, I play a lot of online games that allow a female avatar. I make her however I want, and then just live life vicariously through her. I like roleplaying in these games because it lets me get out of my own head and essentially BE the girl I am playing as for awhile. (I also play a lot of table top games and my characters in those have been almost exclusively female for the past few years).

Otherwise, when it comes to my dysphoria, I have random bouts of crying too, but I try to cope by shaving as much body hair as I can, keeping a clean shaven face, wearing pretty make-up (in private), sitting to pee, and wearing women's underwear (bras, panties, tights, etc.). I know it can be really hard to deal with sometimes (and to quote one of my friends "sometimes I just want to take a pair of scissors to [it]") but you can only do your best. Try to make the healthiest decisions you can and get a way to take your mind off of it somehow. It can be writing, drawing, playing music, any hobby really. Just don't let yourself keep dwelling on those bad thoughts or they will consume you.

[Virginia]

Now this may sound dumb in terms of helping dysphoria, (good to do though!) but
if you can also volunteer at a shelter that helps women or the poor or the homeless, that can be internally satisfying and you are helping people.

It does take the focus off of ourselves. 

For sure, a good therapist is a must for me though to help my clarification of thoughts and feelings.

Chrissy

Brilliant, Chrissy. When we focus on others, true happiness begins.