Idealism

[Grad0507]

My fiancé talks a lot about getting away from everything and finding a place where we, and the family we raise, can be free.

However, until I come across a ton of money (which can't be ruled out completely), we will still need good salaries to maintain our lifestyles, and our conservative Republican families will always be our families. I don't think that running away from things solves anything, and I don't like the idea of denying others an opportunity for spiritual growth either.

Even though we intend to homeschool, we still will want our children to be socialized and have good social graces and skills. We cannot hide our heads in the sand while we let our kids fend for themselves.

I'm here to understand how we can navigate reality.


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[Northern Star Girl]

My fiancé talks a lot about getting away from everything and finding a place where we, and the family we raise, can be free.

However, until I come across a ton of money (which can't be ruled out completely), we will still need good salaries to maintain our lifestyles, and our conservative Republican families will always be our families. I don't think that running away from things solves anything, and I don't like the idea of denying others an opportunity for spiritual growth either.

Even though we intend to homeschool, we still will want our children to be socialized and have good social graces and skills. We cannot hide our heads in the sand while we let our kids fend for themselves.

I'm here to understand how we can navigate reality.


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@Grad0507
Dear Grad0507:
Hello again, I had just sent you an Official Welcome message on the Introductions Thread that you first posted on when you signed up as a Susan's Place member....  I had also sent you the LINK to this  "Significant Others Talk"  thread that you have now posted on, but I see that you have already found it by yourself.  Thank you for getting involved in the discussions here on the Forums.

I trust that you will find the support and the shared thoughts of others that are in your situation and that you can be assisted in processing your concerns and questions.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Best wishes to you.
Danielle

[BlueJaye]

My fiancé talks a lot about getting away from everything and finding a place where we, and the family we raise, can be free.

However, until I come across a ton of money (which can't be ruled out completely), we will still need good salaries to maintain our lifestyles, and our conservative Republican families will always be our families. I don't think that running away from things solves anything, and I don't like the idea of denying others an opportunity for spiritual growth either.

Even though we intend to homeschool, we still will want our children to be socialized and have good social graces and skills. We cannot hide our heads in the sand while we let our kids fend for themselves.

I'm here to understand how we can navigate reality.


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Hi, Grad0507,
I am the one transitioning, but similar circumstances. We have young children (6 of them, ranging from three weeks old to 9 years old). My wife and I are conservative evangelical Christians. We homeschooled our oldest for a year in the past and are considered returning to homeschooling.

I am very early in transition, not passable as female yet and have not come out professionally or publicly. Just my wife, a few close friends, and my oldest child know right now.

Just like you, we need a LOT of money to get by. A family of eight on one income is very demanding. I have a wonderful career and make about $150,000 per year right now. We are not hurting financially by any stretch of the imagination. However, we had several years of very hard financial times before I started making this kind of money.

One thing my wife and I had to discuss was what if this negatively impacts my career. What it really boils down to is we need me safe and alive. If that means risking my career, then that is better than having a funeral and kids growing up without me.

Right now I am 100% confident I will encounter no problems with my employer when I come out professionally. Although I live in the US, my employer is headquartered in Quebec and they have excellent rights for transgender people. Plus I know that we have some lgbt folks working in the company and they are loved and accepted.

My concern is about my clients. Will they feel comfortable enough with me (especially during transition) to want to do business with me? I just re-started HRT a couple of weeks ago and I really don't know what I will look like yet. Will I look masculine enough to freak them out? Will I be able to maintain a passing voice? Will my old customers who knew me pre-transition feel weird about doing business with me? Lots of questions going through my mind.

Please know that you're not alone. I encourage you to be active on here. Ask questions. Lots of them. Talk to other spouses of people in transition. And talk to those of us who are transitioning, it can help to understand what your spouse is going through.

[KathyLauren]

I can sure understand the appeal of running away to a more wholesome place.  My wife and I moved to an island a few years ago, long before my transition.  There were advantages: interesting, creative, mostly liberal people, it was away from the rat race.  There were disadvantages, too: no jobs, expensive real estate, an expensive ferry ride to civilization.  On the whole it was a good move for us, though we eventually moved to a more conventional rural setting, where I am now transitioning.

You have to be really careful what your objectives are before selecting a location.  If the objective is for your fiancé  to live in "witness protection" stealth, then you could choose almost any community where you were not known.  If the objective is to live off-grid, on a back-to-the-land acreage, there are still places where you can do that, though they are in demand, and land can be expensive if it is anywhere close to civilization.

If you choose your location carefully, your kids will not suffer.  The island where we lived for a few years had an elementary school, and there were lots of children's enrichment programs that home-schooled children could participate in.  You just need to do your research to find the right place.

The important thing is to clarify your objectives.  Talk a lot with your fiancé, find out what their goals and priorities are, and share your own.

[HappyMoni]

Hi Grad welcome to the site. As I contemplated coming out, I had considered moving away from the very conservative county I live in. It turns out that coming out was way less traumatic than I expected. I have had no problems. I think when we look forward  to the scary process of coming out, we look for ways to minimize the 'disaster' that we are convinced will surely befall us. It usually doesn't happen the way we fear. Being with people is a double edged sword. On one hand, interaction can be scary. On the other hand, interaction can be very  validating when you find supporters. It would be a shame to let fear drive you away from people. You could always move if things go bad, but if you give it a chance, it might be fine, even great. Oh, my name is Moni. Good luck to you and your partner.

[Moonflower]

My fiancé talks a lot about getting away from everything and finding a place where we, and the family we raise, can be free.

However, until I come across a ton of money (which can't be ruled out completely), we will still need good salaries to maintain our lifestyles, and our conservative Republican families will always be our families. I don't think that running away from things solves anything, and I don't like the idea of denying others an opportunity for spiritual growth either.

Even though we intend to homeschool, we still will want our children to be socialized and have good social graces and skills. We cannot hide our heads in the sand while we let our kids fend for themselves.

I'm here to understand how we can navigate reality.


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Hi Grad! I hear your reasonable concern about how things might work out. As you and your fiancé discuss your concerns, do you have any trouble with trying to prove that you're right? Do you try to predict the future? Do you try to resolve conflicts instantly? I have found that I can fall into these traps, and cause an explosion.

I see that you are listening well to your fiancé. Keep it up! The two of you can certainly continue to chip away at these questions, and explore possibilities. I love the idea that whenever we have a problem, we are the one who has the key.

[Grad0507]

I can sure understand the appeal of running away to a more wholesome place.  My wife and I moved to an island a few years ago, long before my transition.  There were advantages: interesting, creative, mostly liberal people, it was away from the rat race.  There were disadvantages, too: no jobs, expensive real estate, an expensive ferry ride to civilization.  On the whole it was a good move for us, though we eventually moved to a more conventional rural setting, where I am now transitioning.

You have to be really careful what your objectives are before selecting a location.  If the objective is for your fiancé  to live in "witness protection" stealth, then you could choose almost any community where you were not known.  If the objective is to live off-grid, on a back-to-the-land acreage, there are still places where you can do that, though they are in demand, and land can be expensive if it is anywhere close to civilization.

If you choose your location carefully, your kids will not suffer.  The island where we lived for a few years had an elementary school, and there were lots of children's enrichment programs that home-schooled children could participate in.  You just need to do your research to find the right place.

The important thing is to clarify your objectives.  Talk a lot with your fiancé, find out what their goals and priorities are, and share your own.

He's really into gardening, so I think the objective is to live a self-sufficient lifestyle, which I find really interesting since we just got Wi-Fi enabled outlets.


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[Grad0507]

Hi Grad! I hear your reasonable concern about how things might work out. As you and your fiancé discuss your concerns, do you have any trouble with trying to prove that you're right? Do you try to predict the future? Do you try to resolve conflicts instantly? I have found that I can fall into these traps, and cause an explosion.

I see that you are listening well to your fiancé. Keep it up! The two of you can certainly continue to chip away at these questions, and explore possibilities. I love the idea that whenever we have a problem, we are the one who has the key.

I do like to resolve conflicts as soon as possible so that we can hug again, but sometimes he's okay with letting conflict linger.


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[Maid Marion]

I discovered that in New England, property value depends on how many houses you  can build on it, not the size of the property! I have a big back yard that costs no more than if I had bought a smaller property  with the same frontage.

[AnneK]

Around here, Ontario, it's generally some mix of frontage and value of improvements, so one real nice house may pay more tax than two small ones.  However, what we (and I suspect many other areas) need is a progressive tax rate on property values.  As it is, the better parts of town don't pay proportionally higher taxes, shifting the burden onto lower income areas.  So yeah, I think a mansion should be taxed at a much higher rate than a starter home.