Vent about people

[Arianna Valentine]

So my nephew is 22 years old convinced that being an adult is supposed to be cupcakes and rainbows makes $700 every two weeks only pays 150 every two weeks for rent and still ends up being broke before his next paycheck a week before his next paycheck to make it worse and then bums money from the people he's paying rent to which is me he leaves open food around which is a waste he leaves lights on all the time which runs up the electric bill the only thing he's got going for him is his ability to build things but in his building things he destroys things well other things it has literally got to the point to where if I just see him I hate him I despise him and it is driving me nuts I've got one person to talk to which is my therapist every two weeks I'm afraid to bring up how much I hate him because I don't want to be taken off hormones just because I'm feeling feelings after only being on hormones for 6 months so it's kind of frustrating that's why I'm hoping that this little vent thread that I made actually helps and maybe somebody can understand what I'm going through and filming the other thing that drives me nuts is everything that happens has to somehow benefit him so that tends to make me angry as well oh and not to mention that he prefers his life to going to his friends house getting high getting drunk and passing out with all the lights on of course because you know when you go to pass out you need all the lights on so I just told him the other day that if he loses his job which it would be the second job that he's lost I'm throwing him out in the streets I don't care at this point he's doing it to himself he doesn't want to grow up I've tried to help him by teaching him responsibility and trying to help him grow up and he doesn't want to learn he just doesn't care I should also mention that it's gotten to the point where even if I think about him for 5 seconds I get stressed my anxiety level raises and I start throwing up because that's what I do when my anxiety gets too high

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[Northern Star Girl]

@Arianna Valentine
I am so very sorry to hear of your difficult issues with your nephew...

"Vent threads" or any other thread or diary that you can use to write down your frustrations and difficult issues is a good form of personal therapy.  You can write, read, mentally process and then try to formulate positive solutions.

When good things happen in your transition and in your life it is also a good  exercise to journal it and then you can balance out the good issues with the difficult issues.... I keep my personal thread here on the forums and also a personal pen & paper journal for my more private stuff... anyway, that is the way that I keep a more positive mindset for myself.   

I hope and trust that you can get some of these issues with your nephew worked out.   I would suggest that you do not loan him money as that just enables him to continue being irresponsible with his finances.   When he gets paid, demand your rent money at that time... otherwise it could be a wise move to ask him to move out... but I am not certain that is a solution within your circle of family dynamics... 

Keep writing, keep venting and hopefully you will find a way to come up with a solution.
Thanks for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle   

[Jessica]

You have done all you can do for someone who has stopped listening to any voice except for his own.  Young adults sometimes need to self destruct to learn any life lessons.  But that's why they are called "life lessons".  Let him live and possibly burn, but it's his choice.  The more you push the farther he goes.  Hopefully you will be there for him if he falls, with a smile and a hand.

As far as your attitude towards to him........take a vacation from thinking about it at all.
Think about what your life needs for the moment.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Arianna Valentine]

I would like to thank you both for your Speedy replies I do agree about the money situation actually stop loaning him money let him make his own mistakes he's been out of cigarettes for almost 2 to 3 days now and he's going nuts so maybe I'll do something good like quit smoking that would be a positive but I do try to keep a journal I'm just not the best at keeping up with stuff like that because of my ADHD so it makes it difficult to remember or even concentrate on it. I also have a family history of bad memories unfortunately apparently some things you can't forget right but I think you both so much for your support greatly helps even just having somebody to talk to and vent to it actually makes me tear up a little bit that people actually care how I feel and what I think

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[Arianna Valentine]

It is actually funny but I do have people that are okay with my transition but they don't actually support me I mean they're not hostile towards me or anything they completely accept it but there's a difference between accepting and supporting I believe I guess that's why all the ladies on here means so much because I get that support that I feel that I'm not getting from all of you maybe it on the what made you happy today or you look fabulous or even my Halloween thread that stuff really cheers me up and it makes me feel good that I can help the other members of this community of The Sisterhood with advice that I may have picked up

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[Northern Star Girl]

@Arianna Valentine
That is what is so good about the forums and the like-minded members here.   We are each others biggest fans and we can root for each other and rejoice together for the good things happening and when not-so-good things are happening we can then offer our kindness  in the form of words of support and a we have an ear to listen.

OH, by the way,  if your nephew is is a ONE PACK A DAY smoker the monthly cost of that habit can total $250 or more .... and if he smokes 2 packs a day then up to $500 or more per month....  that is a big un-affordable expense for him considering that he only makes $700 every TWO WEEKS.

Just thinking out loud here.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Arianna Valentine]

@Arianna Valentine
That is what is so good about the forums and the like-minded members here.   We are each others biggest fans and we can root for each other and rejoice together for the good things happening and when not-so-good things are happening we can then offer our kindness  in the form of words of support and a we have an ear to listen.

OH, by the way,  if your nephew is is a ONE PACK A DAY smoker the monthly cost of that habit can total $250 or more .... and if he smokes 2 packs a day then up to $500 or more per month....  that is a big un-affordable expense for him considering that he only makes $700 every TWO WEEKS.

Just thinking out loud here.
Hugs,
Danielle

I know I told him this not the whole price thing but I have told him he should quit you know wise idea death risk and all that but what really bothers me is I've caught him smoking and our bathroom my father is on oxygen with stage 4 COPD he does not have much time left his bedroom is right by the bathroom and he got the COPD from smoking for some reason he seems to think that's okay when he goes to take a shower to smoke cigarettes in the bathroom with my father is even gotten to when he smells too much cigarette smoke he ends up in the ER and then in the hospital for a couple days sometimes a nursing home for rehab for a couple weeks and I'm stuck dealing with all the emotions from that

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[Dena]

Your nephew is older than 18 years old so it's time. If he chooses to continue to live under your roof, it will be by your rules. If he wants his freedom, show him the front door. To this day, if I spend time at my mother's house, even a few hours, I know the rules and I obey them. If she needs help in the kitchen or has some repairs, I do those things the best I can without complaining.

It's time for you to stand your ground. Yes it will be uncomfortable for a few hours but it will greatly reduce the stress in your life one way or the other. In the long run it will be in his best interest because the way to get ahead in this world is to satisfy other people's needs. Being self centered isn't something other people want to deal with.

As for your therapist, if your unable to do this yourself, ask for help to become assertive. You should be able to ask for what you need when dealing with issues like this.

[GingerVicki]

Tough love can be the best life learning lesson. I don't know anyone who like to give it. I believe that it is one of the last steps in a relationship.

[Arianna Valentine]

Tough love can be the best life learning lesson. I don't know anyone who like to give it. I believe that it is one of the last steps in a relationship.

Oh I do believe in tough love I also believe a boot in the ass and quite honestly I would love to deliver the boot in the ass I would love it but I forgot to mention it's two against one

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[Dena]

Assertive training still goes. You need a little different approach like "Do you enjoy living in a pig sty?" or "The power bill is out of control!" or "Unless changes are made he will never amount to anything!. Your approach will need to be different but your therapist can help you with that.

[Arianna Valentine]

Assertive training still goes. You need a little different approach like "Do you enjoy living in a pig sty?" or "The power bill is out of control!" or "Unless changes are made he will never amount to anything!. Your approach will need to be different but your therapist can help you with that.

Well I know the power bill will definitely be a big thing for my dad because in the winter time it jumps up to $500 and that does not make him happy so but I thank you very much Dina for your advice I will talk to one of my two therapist I have not decided which one I'm going to stay with at this moment my old one just got back after pregnancy leave but the one that replaced her I like just as much so I got to figure out which therapist I want to see now

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[GingerVicki]

I remember when my nephew moved in with me. I swear he was a slob and probably ate 5,000 calories daily. I let it go for a while, but it only got worse. After a month I advised him that he must get a job. That is when his drug addiction became apparent. All he did is go to work, get high, and play his x-box. He needed rehab, but did not want to do it and I was not going to pay for it. I worked with him, but it did not work.

Eventually I had to kick him out! I was very disappointed in him. Its been years and he really has not changed. Oh well. Life goes on. As far as my family goes he is the only one that accepted me for transitioning. Him and my dead father.

I am thinking about removing him from my life because he is toxic.

<sigh> Then I will have zero family.

[Arianna Valentine]

I remember when my nephew moved in with me. I swear he was a slob and probably ate 5,000 calories daily. I let it go for a while, but it only got worse. After a month I advised him that he must get a job. That is when his drug addiction became apparent. All he did is go to work, get high, and play his x-box. He needed rehab, but did not want to do it and I was not going to pay for it. I worked with him, but it did not work.

Eventually I had to kick him out! I was very disappointed in him. Its been years and he really has not changed. Oh well. Life goes on. As far as my family goes he is the only one that accepted me for transitioning. Him and my dead father.

I am thinking about removing him from my life because he is toxic.

<sigh> Then I will have zero family.

I am very sorry to hear that and I think I'm at that point now and I don't know if it means anything or if it helps at all but you always got me and the rest of your sisters that are here so you will always have family

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[GingerVicki]

thanks