Quote from: Kirsteneklund7 on November 17, 2018, 06:36:06 AM
I always love reading your posts. I think your story is a good read for anyone who is trans or considering transition(like me).
I find the ftm scenario fascinating as certain aspects resonate with me - at the same time I find someone actually chosing to take on a masculine appearance hard to fathom when my world is all about trying to trade my masculine appearance for a feminine one.
Do you think your journey travelling full circle has been highly valuable in the end as you now really value being a woman but also have an understanding of how the other half lives/exists.
Also from a platonic perspective I think you are a very beautiful woman.
Wishing you a continuing positive & strengthening journey, Kirsten[emoji258]
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
I'm glad my posts are appreciated! I've noticed quite many like hearing my detrans perspective on things. And I've lost count on how many (especially ftm's) have contacted me asking for advice on if they should transition, detransition or not transition. I like helping out and giving my support on that but it got overwhelming after a while.
It's very understandable that it's difficult for you to fathom why anyone would choose to get masculinised when you're going "the other way" and vice versa I think many ftm's feel the same about mtf's. Perhaps that's different for me now though, cause I feel like I both understand and relate to both sides but also feel a strong disconnect to both at the same time. My journey is not the same as anyone's (except from other detrans women, ofc). Cause the ftm route is in my past and I have mixed feelings about it, I'm moving away from it by stopping T and reversing my top surgery, and cause I don't identify as male anymore. And then I relate somewhat to the mtf route cause I face some similar social struggles cause I also identify as female but am not always recognised as female by others, cause I don't really pass irl, and I'm legally male. Especially I don't pass when I have a beard going on. But I don't feel any dysphoria about having my male traits, I already have many of the female traits that many mtf's wish they had, and I'll never have to worry about my close friends and family (that have known me my whole life) not seeing me as a woman cause I'm afab. They see me as a sad gender f--up who fail at both genders instead but uhm yeah... But also the kind of transphobia I get subjected to nowadays is the kind that's directed at mtf's, even though that in my case is very misdirected, but that doesn't make it any nicer. However in practice, my detransing is very different from the mtf route, not even my second chest surgery will be similar to a mtf BA at all.
But then additionally I also feel some connection to nb people who do partial transitions to look androgynous and don't feel like they fit the binary male/female boxes, cause I love having a mix of male and female traits. But I'm also not really nb cause my gender aligns with my bio sex and it's really just my body not fitting the binary. So I'm kinda everywhere, yet not belonging anywhere in any of the "established trans categories" but I think I have somewhat of a place within the trans community in general, cause I do share experiences and feelings with many. Well I think I could say really a lot about how much I feel like I "fall between the chairs" though.
Oh I definitely value everything I've learned and experienced about having seen both the male and female social sides! Living as a man (and passing as a cis man) helped me connect more to men and understand them. I got more compassion for their gender struggles and seeing how very different they are from women's struggles. It opened my mind a lot. Perhaps especially cause of seeing the gay male community from the inside, men's locker rooms, being in groups of only men when they thought no women were around, and seeing myself as an equal to men. Then going back to live as a woman but for the first time actually liking being a woman I got more compassionate for other women and their struggles too. You could say I became quite the humanist! Cause I have seen myself as "one of the men" and now I see myself as "one of the women" however I also feel like I don't quite fit in with either now. Cause even though I see myself as a woman and want to be on that side, I get excluded from both sides due to not passing (like I get thrown out from women's locker rooms and have to use gender neutral ones cause I make everyone in such places uncomfortable), and despite being cis, I connect much better to trans people cause other cis people don't understand what heck I've been through gender-wise and I'm now being othered more than ever. So yeah my social struggles are quite intense, cause I'm not being recognised as either a man or a woman irl.
Thank you! I think I got some luck with my looks both naturally and medically, but that also my confidence and lack of shame makes me kinda glow up a bit too. I'm trying my best to stay positive (but also allowing myself to break down and cry sometimes when it's just extra hard) and focus on moving forward to a better and brighter future. I know it's somewhere over there though!
