Hi, My names Corey.
With an introduction like that I'd beginning to think I was writing up on an AA forum.
A little about myself, I'm a 26 year old male whom I'd consider to be an artist, I paint & do some film work.. Now, I'm hoping that I've come to the right place to open up a little.. I've recently been thinking about my own gender identity, currently I identify as a straight male however as a child I do recall having thoughts come to mind in relation to my genitals as to "why don't I have a vagina" and to also thinking that between my testicles and rectum must've been sewn up. Now, this isn't something that caused a great deal of pain growing up although I did often feel discomfort in my own skin, at times I'd wear female clothing and always being envious of females for, well, being female.
My father, RIP. was a really lovely and caring man however did often portray a lot of homophobic remarks and verbally insulted me when I got my ears pierced. The whole story with my dad is a long winded one that I wont get into at the moment. However, I will mention that my parents were separated and growing up in two separate living conditions and mindsets was actually extremely confusing now to think about it.. I do recall a time when I was around 17 out with my mum and my brother who is 5 years my senior for lunch in Melbourne after recently moving there, they both made comments about a transgender person in our presence and at the time, I feel i can actually recall that I felt quite embarrassed to be with them with such talk.
Over the last few years I've been living quite a spiritual life which sprouted after my use of psychedelics in my late teens, to some extent I had abused them but they've been mainly positive in providing a rewarding and rich growth in my own personal and creative development, these days I rarely if ever drink or take any drugs and have been replacing those with meditation & yoga. Now, something that's been coming up quite a lot lately has been my gender.. for a long time I've felt uncomfortable in my own skin, sometimes a desire to not have a penis also comes up. I've been embracing a lot more femininity into my life over the last few years, not to the point of outwardly or openly transitioning however I have mentioned it to a few people. I'm really unsure of how to go with this as it's causing a lot of internal distress. One thing I've always done for a majority of my life has been distract myself to escape any self reflective though.. this has always been through addiction for myself, firstly videogames, then drugs and then art.. Only now that I'm honestly trying to come to terms with myself and deeply reflect on my own life story that this truly arises.
