I'm reposting in this thread because, after having told my parents, there are a lot of questions they have, and it's worth continued evaluation if it will help me out with them. I know I'm asking a lot to see if other members have had the same experiences that I have, but I think anecdotal evidence, or links, would help me out.
(Note: I am well aware that not all females have certain "conventional" interests, but the vast majority do, and that mindset is what I'm dealing with.)
As a child, I didn't show interest in girl stuff, no girls' toys, nothing. (Except for mermaids, but there wasn't anything I showed on that externally.) I can't speak for my mindset at the time. I didn't even know the word "transsexual" until I was 15, but that wouldn't have changed my interests - which today in some cases tilt so male I literally know of no female participants. (Put it this way: It's unique enough that explaining it would be self-doxxing.) Are there other members here who did not have feminine inclinations until adolescence? Does late-onset gender dysphoria make it less so?
Over and over again last week, I heard "you didn't show any signs." Did others here have the same issue as the world saw them? Keep in mind, until two weeks ago my parents believed that a diagnosis of Asperger's explained everything. "You don't know social cues," Mom yelled at me.
Did anyone else not care much about their male appearance (always get told to comb my hair), and was there a change in attitude as transition progressed? Is not caring about male appearance - and not being particularly interested in makeup moving forward - a sign I'm NOT trans?
As a child, I wanted to play football, and in high school was on the team but my bad eyesight/skills kept me on the bench. But I remember, in high school, not wanting to get big. I'm guessing some people here were involved in things considered heavily masculine (including Boy Scouts). I have heard stories about MTFs who went a hyper-masculine route before realizing they couldn't do it anymore - but how common is it?
Did anyone else hate having their picture taken? And was it because of being photographed as a male?
"If I can't beat 'em, join 'em" - Does this idea hold any water? Meaning, given my social isolation, am I simply so desperate for ANYTHING in the feminine realm that my brain has settled on this as an answer?
What causes me most distress: Having body hair, going bald, not having breasts, not being able to express myself with women's clothing. I use the male equipment I have for the relief I need, but don't like it. And I wish I could get pregnant. To me, those are signs of being transgender. Aside from the baldness, which no man wants, am I off base?
When I put everything together, I see three possibilities: I am transgender, I [subject matter forbidden here], or I am an incel whose brain was broken by one rejection in high school and went off the deep end.
I KNOW that if I do not transition, I will spend the rest of my life as I am now, alone socially, wondering what might have been, growing more despondent (and bald) with age. But I would have my family, although now that the dam has been breached I honestly don't know how much things can go back to the way they used to be. I THINK that transitioning will make me more comfortable in the body I have. I just can't do it at the cost of my immediate family and risk complete isolation. Does being so scared to transition without any support, and choosing unhappiness, mean my gender dysphoria isn't "enough" to transition?
