Jaime’s misadventures with a bit of random thoughts.

[Jaime320]

Like others I decided to start a thread to keep everything in one place.

My adventures so far this week. Went and flew for an hour doing pattern work in and out of the clouds/mist. Jumped across town for follow up with PCP. Good news. I was able to start HRT right there in office. Starting T@340 E@45.  Kicked it off with a full dose, but will back off to low dose for next 3 months.  I got the starter package. IM injections estradiol vilarte (spelling?), spiro (didn't expect the minty ness, & fin. Had to go back to work, ugg there goes the BP. After work 6 hrs after first injection I felt like I got a second wind. Mentally excited and calm. Talked and joked with coworkers more.  Placebo effect I guess.

Next day woke up easier and as the day went on seemed to be mentally less fog. easiest way
To describe. Talked more, smiled more, & calmer despite work stress. I could swear his clothes seem rougher to touch. They must have startched the shirt at cleaners. Went out shopping as me after work. Didn't think makeup was terrible either. Weird thing that night. Put on lotion before bed, but sloughed off a layer of skin in many places. To early for changes right. No clue

Today- first Therapy at end of day. Worked through lunch, left to get ready. Almost at therapy and called for mandatory meeting. Missed half my first session. Afterwards drove to a public house for dinner. Gotta go back to work again. Will stay me as long as possible. Physical notices right boob ached off and on. Left nipple burn/tingle and boob aches once or twice. I grew some boobs at puberty about a b cup @140# originally. They both hurt when grabbing to put on bra this afternoon. WTH. I keep telling g myself it's to early for this. I must be imagining it. Wishful thinking eh. I've had a great day running around town today.  I even went to drug store to fill a prescription as me. No odd looks just stayed in my own little bubble. Sitting at the bar writing this. That's all for now.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jaime320
Dear Jaime:
It is wonderful that you have started your very own transition thread.  Keeping all of your progress, successes in one spot will be a good way to chart your journey... be aware that there will also be disappointments along the way.

When you report good news, we will all rejoice with you, and when you report not-so-good news we will have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.

In additional to an online thread and "journal" here on the Forums I also keep an old-school pen and paper journal complete with colorful doodling and some photos for my more personal and private stuff...   
Having personal threads and private journals are a good way to vent about the issues that we may deal with, allowing us to ponder and mentally process our feelings and hopefully develop positive solutions....  for me, all of this is really good personal therapy as I am certain that it will be for you as well.

I will put together a rough timeline for you that will help you to read what may be in store for you as you progress in your HRT journey....   hang on tight, it will be an exciting ride.

Again, I am so glad to see that you have started your own personal journey thread...  many members here will follow you along in your journey and you can share comments and thoughts with each other as you feel comfortable doing.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@Jaime320
Dear Jaime:
Since you just started HRT this week,  any changes that you "feel" are more than likely in your mind than in your body at the present time. At the 3 or 4 week point of your exciting HRT journey you will certainly begin to feel and see some things happening in a much more noticeable way.
 
It is likely that you will first experience some changes particularly in your nipples and breasts...  soreness, lumps (breast buds) forming under the nipples (and in my case at the same time frame my nipples were very erect and sensitive most of the time) ....  then at 3 months into  HRT most transitioners will maybe start seeing things happening more significantly and at a quicker rate including possibly more changes in your breasts and nipples, reduced body hair growth, your own body and urine smell, changes in erections becoming less intense, libido, etc. 

The transition journey is indeed exciting.  If you have done any reading yet of some of the other postings and threads here on the Forums it has been stated over and over that HRT will work uniquely in your own unique body. What you read about other transitioning members experiences with HRT most likely will not be identical to your own experiences.

The adage that we use here regarding HRT and how it may work for various individuals  is "YMMV"  meaning that Your Mileage May Vary.
Some will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less significant changes more slowly....   it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to the HRT.

PATIENCE is required.... usually not much happens very quickly with HRT... but changes will happen.

Without a doubt this can be very "EXCITING and SCARY all at the same time."   One needs to hang on for an amazing ride.  Some of my best and most appreciated and dramatic body changes happened to me at about the 5 or 6 month point and through the start of year #2 of my HRT journey.   
Even though I was able to very successfully pass before I went full-time... when I did go full-time at the 1 1/2 year mark I had been passing 100% of the time.  Of course that is just my own personal experience, I suppose I can thank my unique body makeup and my genes for all that.
 
You will not see dramatic changes on a daily or weekly basis.  I found that by taking my photo once a month that when compared with previous monthly photos, the changes were quite noticeable and very motivating.

Thank you for sharing the start of your story with all of us.
Wishing you well, and I will be eagerly following your postings and transition progress as you continue toward your goal.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[JudiBlueEyes]

Hello Jaime.  I agree with Danielle that any initial feelings of bliss are probably just from the High of getting started.  It is such a relief, isn't it!   I look forward to reading about your ups and down and I'll try to offer whatever support I can.  You mentioned going to a "public house" for dinner.  Are you in the UK?
Judi

[Jessica]

Thank you for sharing your experiences through your thread.
@Alaskan Danielle is correct about ymmv.  It has everything to do with genetics, look towards your mother or sister to see what the possibilities are.
I too perceived sensory changes in the first week, but Danielle is is right on the mark pointing out the upcoming weeks and beyond.  You seem to be responsive to hrt like I am, and may have some fortunate advantage in your genes.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[Jaime320]

@alaskan Danielle
Always thorough with replies. I see why you're the official greeter. I've read your thread off and on. I can only hope to have your results. You are stunning. I know my "perceived" changes are wishful thinking and this is a marathon not a sprint. I've read/watched what seems like thousands of transition stories over the years. While I go out once or twice a week. I feel I don't pass, but I have fun anyway.

[Jaime320]

@JudiBluEyes

Blissful for sure. I still can't believe the amount of relief I've found. We'll see how I feel as I near next injection. I hear it's a roller coaster until you adjust. Not looking forward to second puberty side effects.

Occasionally in the UK for work, but not this time. Though this place is a distant American cousin, I still use the descriptor. If the feel of the place is right. It's an easy way to describe it.

[Jaime320]

Ok there was another reply in here this morning. I had to rush out to work and was unable to reply this morning. Thanks for the comments. I didn't think there was any reason to remove it.

[Jessica]

Ok there was another reply in here this morning. I had to rush out to work and was unable to reply this morning. Thanks for the comments. I didn't think there was any reason to remove it.

@Jaime320 my apologies, I interject my experiences in others threads sometimes.  Occasionally I feel it isn't always welcome.  I restored it.

[Jaime320]

@Jaime320 my apologies, I interject my experiences in others threads sometimes.  Occasionally I feel it isn't always welcome.  I restored it.

No worries hun. All comments are welcome. I just didn't want you thinking I ignored you. Looking at the family I may be fortunate. Several members have had reductions.  If not lucky there are options.

[Jaime320]

Another few days as him. Clarity nothing else notable.

[Jaime320]

Work always gets in the way. Did get in 3 good days of flying, more shopping (getting a better feel on sizing), mentally clear. I went out a few times this week. Makeup still struggling, but getting faster. Started taking voice lessons. Yup silliness at its finest. At least it was fun. Right now targeting a e- to  b- range.

Physical changes-random boob aches, skin much softer in areas and smoothing out. Downstairs has shrunk at rest and definitely no random activity. Discharge is now runny and clearing up.

I will say I'm finding airline smells are very unpleasant. Pickup on BO a lot more. Hopefully my own funk will change more soon. Chemical smells are sharper as well. Never had a issue with dry erase markers. now they stink and give me a headache. especially in small rooms. Same markers we've used for months.

Anyone else feel like they're developing a multiple personality disorder? Switching speech, pronouns, and names a few times a day depending on the audience is interesting. Either way, We're having fun out being us more everyday.

[Jaime320]

I know most think this is all just in my head. I just thought my boobs were sore over past 2 weeks. Haven't reached the seeing stars point running into things though. Headlights on often more sensitive and red. burn/tingle occasionally.  Aching in boobs has switched to a constant.  Almost a dull pulled muscle feel across entire chest above nipple last 2 days. Had to grab a sports bra while working. Offered some relief. This is my wishful thinking....Weights stayed the same but there's more jiggle, and they feel heavier. I' guess I'll start tracking measurements tape measure doesn't lie.

Any suggestions on low profile holstering options? Still not out at work.  Business casual with button down shirts are the norm. Do they make tank tops with built in Bra maybe?

[Northern Star Girl]

I know most think this is all just in my head. I just thought my boobs were sore over past 2 weeks. Haven't reached the seeing stars point running into things though. Headlights on often more sensitive and red. burn/tingle occasionally.  Aching in boobs has switched to a constant.  Almost a dull pulled muscle feel across entire chest above nipple last 2 days. Had to grab a sports bra while working. Offered some relief. This is my wishful thinking....Weights stayed the same but there's more jiggle, and they feel heavier. I' guess I'll start tracking measurements tape measure doesn't lie.

Any suggestions on low profile holstering options? Still not out at work.  Business casual with button down shirts are the norm. Do they make tank tops with built in Bra maybe?

@Jaime320
Dear Jaime
If I were you I would consider all of this very good news... no pain, no gain.
... your HRT regimen is working!!!   ... AND NO, IT IS NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD !

A lightweight and non-padded sports bra will help dim the headlights and give some support comfort.   Also,  "layers" will help minimize any boobage showing....  a loose undershirt with a fairly loose button down shirt will usually do the job, a darker colored patterned shirt works best ... and if it is has chest pockets that will do a lot for your camouflage and concealment efforts.

Wishing you well... and thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Jaime320]

@Alaskan Danielle

Thanks as always. I'm glad things are working, and for the changes to come.  At the same time worried slightly. Planned for low dose and a long haul. At this rate I may have to figure some things out sooner rather than later is all.

[Jaime320]

Forwarned I'm all over the place. Remember the headline stated random. Almost another 2 weeks. Starting to notice the ebb and flow of 2 week EV injection cycle. Going to ask about once a week injections. though that may mean a constant limp. Especially if I continue to use thigh as injection site. The last one was the worst yet. Went middle center instead of low outter like first. First one was a piece of cake. Had a spasm mid injection owwww. Sore for 4 days. Rushed travel schedule this week due to weather. Haven't had time to be myself in over a week. That really sucks. I mean low end of current cycle. Add in first true therapy session leaving me questioning do I really need to Do this. My biggest take away was therapist stated after a mini 30 min session a few weeks ago, and full session agreeing I was definitely questioning gender. This was affter I stated I feel I'm trans, and have felt that way for decades. Followed by a long day at work. It's late but decided enough. I have to be me. To me at this time of night. that's a comfy set of pjs and a sleep bra.  I changed and almost started crying as I caught myself in the mirror. Call me crazy but I had a quick conversation with myself, and gathered my thoughts. YES this is me.

As far as my perceived changes over past 2 weeks. Skin continues to soften. I'm allowing myself to be more emotional. I haven't cried since the 4th or 5th grade. Now I find myself getting misty eyed during movies, if the material resonates, or induces the slightest hint of empathy. Here I thought I was one of the least empathetic people you'd ever meet. In my previous job empathy, and pain were for the weak. Pain is weakness leaving the body.  Hell my childhood was a warm up for that lifestyle. Gotta thank the therapist for a trip down memory lane. Fight or flight. Those flashbacks often put me in fight mode. I reliv the time then and the more aggressive combative skills Learned a decade later. Yeah I'm a bet screwy, but who's not. Thanks nes normal is another's weird. I realize I set off red flags on psych Evals, but know I'm not alone and must clarify as there are 1000's like me. In reading this.  no this does not mean I am about to run out and inflict harm on others or myself. Well maybe others if given cause.  Back to perceived changes. Boobs ache occasionally, but not as consistently.

BTW.  I try to be about honesty. Well all but the trans side of me. It's almost as if I'm leading multiple lives. Home, work, & "me". A bit stressful, but I put the biggest stress factor on work. Though I'd rather be "me" overall. Guess I need to work out the kinks in my plan still. If Anyway, I'm Not fully comfortable outing myself on such a public forum. I keep removing things I've typed. Which likely causes the read to imply I'm an illiterate ditz.

[Jaime320]

Pickles that is all. Tony packos omg. Never liked pickles. I guess taste buds change too.

[Jaime320]

Thinking about going to a show at the Baton tomorrow night for something to do.

[Jaime320]

Is it me or is it easier to go out at night. I don't know why, but the darkness feels like a cloak. To me it feels like there's less chance of being clocked. I fear walking out of hotel when housekeeping is in the hall. Girlfriends say I pass, but I still think they're being nice. There's a  semi-formal holiday party next weekend. I need something to wear.  I don't think I have anything with me for a semi formal event. Though I did buy another pair of boots yesterday. What's with me and boots, 3 pair in past month. I also went down a. Size.  Need to find something else I like. Sitting in my hotel debating going out as me shopping in broad daylight and watching a movie  eeek. Also trying to find a friendly MAC/Sephora/Ulta for a makeover. Preferably one not dead center of the mall. I'm not to the point of going places without hair/makeup. Still working on facial hair. Though after a month of HRT growth is slowing down. So likely go as him. Walking out with full makeup as him would be interesting. Oh the struggles. Suck it up butter cup. We shall see what the day holds. Here's the new boots. Hope this works.

Well can't get image insert to work so here's the link.

https://imgur.com/a/YkS40or

[Rayna]

Yes it's easier to go out at night for me too. I do feel more cloaked then. That said, I'm going out more and more in all various states of dress/makeup/none and all combinations, and you know what -- almost nobody really notices. And the ones that do are probably on your same page, so they are allies. So put on those great boots and enjoy yourself!