Hi, my name is Susan and I am the wife of @Jessica_Rose. Jessica transitioned on February 16, 2018, but I will use 'she/her/hers' throughout this story.
I was still in high school when we started dating. After our first date I wasn't sure if I wanted a second, but somehow she convinced me to go out again. We got married when she graduated college in 1984.
For the most part we were happy, but there were times when her anger scared me. I tolerated it when she occasionally wore women's underwear, but I wasn't happy about it. After 10 years of marriage she convinced me that it was time to start a family. Our first daughter was born in 1994, and our second in 1998. After two I said 'no more!'
Most people thought we were a happy family, but her anger could be uncontrollable at times. I never knew what could trigger her rage. I tried my best to keep her happy, but it seemed like I could not do anything right. I felt trapped.
Our older daughter graduated college in 2015 and moved out of state. Our younger daughter started college in 2016, also out of state. I was adjusting to her being gone and having a hard time. I was upset and lonely. I finally started working through it and accepted that our daughters were gone, and it would just be the two of us again. I was looking forward to spending time together and traveling more often.
On February 12, 2017, as we were in bed getting ready to go to sleep, Jessica handed me a letter. She told me that she was transgender. My world fell apart. I was so mad I didn't know what to say or do. I was lost. I asked her if that meant she was going to have surgery, she said 'not necessarily'. I asked her a few other questions, but I don't remember them. I really did not want to talk about it.
As the weeks and months passed Jessica would bring it up occasionally, but I would shut the conversation down fast. I'm not sure when she started HRT, she didn't tell me. I slept in our daughter's room for a long time.
Jessica started seeing a therapist in November 2017, and I grudgingly joined her a month or two later. I was still mad as hell, but I wanted us to stay together. Within the next few months I began to notice that her anger was gone. Things that normally would have provoked anger now caused a smile or even laughter. I still didn't understand, but the angry person I used to know had been replaced by someone different. I knew her, yet I didn't. It took several months, but this new person began to grow on me. My smile returned, along with my laughter. Soon I began to fall in love with her all over again.
Jessica has scheduled GCS for April 2019. Although I am unsure about this step, I know she feels it is something she must do. I am still trying to figure out what our future together looks like. Hopefully one day I will realize that I made a good trade -- swapping a constantly angry, hostile guy for a happy, joyful woman who is not afraid to be herself.
