Hurting

[SallyChoasAura]

I'm not okay...
I was at church and I was just randomly having a mental breakdown and I have no idea why. I just wanted to go home, but my parents were having none of that so I just ended up hiding in the bathroom crying my eyes out. I think it was because I forgot to take my antidepressants/anxiety medicine and the music they were playing at obscene levels was way too loud. Now my dad is super mad at me for something that isn't my fault and yelled at me, threatening me that he'll make me go to church every moment of my free time if that happens again. And like, it's not something I can control. If I could, I wouldn't be so screwed up all the time with my dumb feelings.
Sometimes I wish I could just... disappear for a little while, ya know? Not like... die or anything, but stop existing for a few minutes. Feeling nothing, or not hurting... just quiet. Then I'd go back to normal and continue on with this horrible game they call life... I don't know...

[Northern Star Girl]

I'm not okay...
I was at church and I was just randomly having a mental breakdown and I have no idea why. I just wanted to go home, but my parents were having none of that so I just ended up hiding in the bathroom crying my eyes out. I think it was because I forgot to take my antidepressants/anxiety medicine and the music they were playing at obscene levels was way too loud. Now my dad is super mad at me for something that isn't my fault and yelled at me, threatening me that he'll make me go to church every moment of my free time if that happens again. And like, it's not something I can control. If I could, I wouldn't be so screwed up all the time with my dumb feelings.
Sometimes I wish I could just... disappear for a little while, ya know? Not like... die or anything, but stop existing for a few minutes. Feeling nothing, or not hurting... just quiet. Then I'd go back to normal and continue on with this horrible game they call life... I don't know...

@SallyChoasAura
Life can deal us many difficulties sometimes... and at 15 years old, you have unique difficulties that many older members here do not have any longer, but rest assured, us older members have new, different and sometimes much more difficult times to deal with.  Everyone, no matter what age or sex, will have to deal with issues and problems in their lives.

I am so very sorry to read of your difficulties today... different meds and various situations like you described can raise havoc with your mental attitude and reactions to various situations.

I have no magic words nor do I have a magic wand to wave and therefore make everything OK for you.  Obviously neglecting to take your meds was a big mistake but can you blame everything on the meds or are there underlying issues that you are dealing with your parents and with your transition situation?

Often, venting, like you are doing, is good therapy which will help you to mentally deal with this and hopefully avoid things like this in the future.....   but, do not forget to take your medications!!!!!

You are among friends here, we care for you and want the best for you.
Please keep venting if you must, and know that we are here to offer our ear to listen and to provide a shoulder for you to lean on....  and we will even offer possibly unsolicited and perhaps unwanted advice!!! 

Hang in there... there always will be potholes in any road that you are traveling so if you can, find a way to miss hitting the big ones.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[SallyChoasAura]

Thanks. Your words really help. I think I'm okay now
I remembered my medicine tonight too.

[Jessica]

Hi Sally, I happy you are doing better now.  Prescribed medications are vital to keep your body and mind in balance.  You now know they should always be taken when required.  I'm assuming that your father is aware of your medications and why you take them.  I'm surprised that he isn't showing compassion for your situation.
Are you able to talk to anyone in your church to help with advice in communicating with your parents and father in particular?
Are there any hobbies or other likes that you can lose yourself in intent concentration and forget about the world sometimes?
Consider starting a running thread that you are able to create a diary of sorts, to be able to reflect back in the future.  This way you can see what has worked and what has not in your life.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

[SallyChoasAura]

Yeah, I'm better now lol. It's not that my parents aren't care, it's just... they don't really understand depression I guess?? Like my mom's a nurse and my dad was a medic in a mental institution, but like... they don't really I should have depression? I guess it's cause people obviously have it worse than me and I should grateful for all the nice things I have in life, but... I AM grateful and I know others have it rough too. I'm not sure exactly why I feel the way I do, well I know some of the things but not ALL of them.
My dad has only seen the severe side of the spectrum of depression, the makes you go crazy kind, so he doesn't really think that I have a problem. My mom only really looks at her side of nursing which mostly consists of diabetes, so she doesn't really understand what I'm going through and I'm being to feel like she doesn't believe I have depression. I try talking to them about this, but since they're the parents they think they clearly know soooooo much more about myself and my problems than me and are always right about everything. I'm mean it's not like them ignoring the problem is hurting me or anything, it's not like it makes me more upset and unhappy than I already am. 😡
My church... oh God where do I even begin... So they're very anti-gay and anti-transgendered, they ignore the fact that evolution is kinda a thing and say that my school is lying to me, and whenever I bring up my depression they say it just Satan making me think I have a problem. Like they're good people and very nice, but there's being devoted to your faith and then there's being just plain ignorant. "Oh, you have depression and anxiety? Here, allow me to read some bible verses and preach so you'll magically feel better!"
I'm mean it's not like I have an actual problem or anything?!


...sorry for the rant...
Yeah you're probably right, I'll make a journal thread sometime soon. 🙂