Hello! The Great Pretender (Me)

[MarshaJoy825]

Pretender! That is the word that has described me for all my life. I am now 63 years old and I am tired of pretending. I never would have dreamt that I would be writing this introduction. Yes, I have gone in the chat room several times, but this kind of makes my being a member official. I am excited and nervous.

Why do I say pretender? I have been a pretender all my life. When I was a child and a teen, I pretended to my family and friends that I was a normal male. I didn't ever express I felt like I was girl to them. I would crossdress on the sly.

When I went to college, I thought by becoming a Christian that would take care of the problem, but I couldn't stop thinking that I was a girl. I soon became very good at pretending to be a male

Of course, marriage followed. I have pretended all these years to my family. The kids know nothing about Marsha. My wife knows that I have had these desires, but she thinks that they are gone. I am still pretending.

Also, I am involved in Christian ministry. Everybody to whom I minister, see me as a spiritual person. They know nothing about the fact that I am a pretender. If I was truly known I would lose it all.

The worse person to whom I pretend is myself. I have gone all these years thinking that one day I would be rid of Marsha. I have been scared to admit to myself that truly I am a woman. I know in my heart that truly I am a woman, but it is so hard to accept a life where everyone will finally see me for who I really am. I don't think anybody that I know will truly accept me. However, I am tired of pretending. I do want to be myself so very badly.

I am so glad for the people I have already met in the chat. I am so excited about the people whom I will meet through this forum. I am so looking forward to making friends!   

With Love Marsha, Hopefully soon to be no longer a pretender.

[Devlyn]

Hi Marsha, welcome to Susan's Place! You know, in a lot of cultures we are considered spiritual. 

Wise words delivered... see you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[Jessica]

Hi Marsha 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
I'm 63 also and stopped pretending about a year and a half ago.
And Devlyn is so correct.

I see you're new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Linde]

Hi Marsha, I am older than you, and have a few more years of experience as a pretender!  I played my role very well, one of the more successful cross dressers I would say.  Nobody would ever have any doubt that i was areal manly man (as a fried told me, after I came out to her).  I am done with pretending now, because I want to live my last years as the person I was supposed to be!  It is very liberating once one has come out, nothing bothers me anymore, because I have nothing to hide anymore.  All my friends tell me I am now so much nicer to deal with.  What else can one wish?

Good luck for you exciting and adventurous path into womanhood!

[V M]

Hi Marsha 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Marsha, and welcome!

I am 64, and I stopped pretending about two and a half years ago.  Since then, life has been an adventure, but a very beautiful and fulfilling one.

Yes, we might lose some things and some people.  I have been pleasantly surprised at how well those around me have accepted me.  Sometimes out fears exaggerate a wee bit.  But fears or not, ultimately you have to be real.

[Jessica_Rose]

I'm a bit younger, just a kid at 56. Your friends will stay by your side, those who leave were just acquaintances passing through your life. Yes we were all pretenders, but it was for self-preservation because of how we would have been treated decades ago -- coming out then could have cost us our lives. We did the best we could with the hand we were dealt, but the time comes when it is time to fold and get a fresh hand. It isn't easy, but it sure is a lot more fun living life as the person you were meant to be!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[MarshaJoy825]

I'm a bit younger, just a kid at 56. Your friends will stay by your side, those who leave were just acquaintances passing through your life. Yes we were all pretenders, but it was for self-preservation because of how we would have been treated decades ago -- coming out then could have cost us our lives. We did the best we could with the hand we were dealt, but the time comes when it is time to fold and get a fresh hand. It isn't easy, but it sure is a lot more fun living life as the person you were meant to be!

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Thanks so much for your encouraging words!! I am encouraged by your words about how life is more fun living life as the person you were meant to be. I am excited about getting to know you and many others here at Susan's Place. I sure need some place to share my thoughts, but I also want to be encouraging to others.

[MarshaJoy825]

Hi, Marsha, and welcome!

I am 64, and I stopped pretending about two and a half years ago.  Since then, life has been an adventure, but a very beautiful and fulfilling one.

Yes, we might lose some things and some people.  I have been pleasantly surprised at how well those around me have accepted me.  Sometimes out fears exaggerate a wee bit.  But fears or not, ultimately you have to be real.

Kathy, thanks so much for taking the time to respond to my post! You seem to have some wisdom for me. I am looking forward to getting to know you and others better in this journey that we are all on.

[MarshaJoy825]

Hi Marsha 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thanks for the welcome! I am glad to be here!

[MarshaJoy825]

Hi Marsha, I am older than you, and have a few more years of experience as a pretender!  I played my role very well, one of the more successful cross dressers I would say.  Nobody would ever have any doubt that i was areal manly man (as a fried told me, after I came out to her).  I am done with pretending now, because I want to live my last years as the person I was supposed to be!  It is very liberating once one has come out, nothing bothers me anymore, because I have nothing to hide anymore.  All my friends tell me I am now so much nicer to deal with.  What else can one wish?

Good luck for you exciting and adventurous path into womanhood!

Dietland, Thanks so much for taking the time to write me and share some of your heart. I really like the words you said concerning having nothing to hide. Being a pretender means hiding my true self. It will be great when the day comes when I be able to say with you that I have nothing to hide! I do hope that we will communicate again!

[MarshaJoy825]

Hi Marsha 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
I'm 63 also and stopped pretending about a year and a half ago.
And Devlyn is so correct.

I see you're new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Jessica, thanks for taking the time to write. I did read your links and they were very helpful. It is encouraging to meet others here who around my age. It shows that transition is possible for me at my age! May you continue to keep well.

[MarshaJoy825]

Hi Marsha, welcome to Susan's Place! You know, in a lot of cultures we are considered spiritual. 

Wise words delivered... see you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn, thanks so much for taking the time to greet me here. Yes, in some cultures being TG may be considered spiritual; however, not from my background. However, I do understand that I have a choice about continuing to be a pretender and be accepted or be real and not. I am tired of this pretending. Anyway, keep well!

[Lacy]

Welcome Marsha!

I grew up in a conservative Christian home. My father is a pastor. I have served in just about every capacity available in several different denominations.

It was a challenging time and took me some deep searching to find how I can except the woman inside and still maintain my faith. They are both part of who I am.

People will disagree, disapprove and judge. The more important thing is how you feel. You can't be living free if you are trapped lying to yourself.

Wishing you the best!

Hugs,
Lacy

[MarshaJoy825]

Welcome Marsha!

I grew up in a conservative Christian home. My father is a pastor. I have served in just about every capacity available in several different denominations.

It was a challenging time and took me some deep searching to find how I can except the woman inside and still maintain my faith. They are both part of who I am.

People will disagree, disapprove and judge. The more important thing is how you feel. You can't be living free if you are trapped lying to yourself.

Wishing you the best!

Hugs,
Lacy

Oh Lacy, how can I thank you for sharing with me! It is hard enough to be TG, but to be a Christian it is that much more difficult to accept who I am. How did you reconcile your faith with your being TG? I have started to read your diary and I will comment on it. I am new here; so I don't know how we can communicate outside of the forum. It would be nice to share some of our insights and struggles from our faith perspective. I can see that you are quite new on this journey as well. Please know that you have a friend here. Thanks for your words of encouragement!  *hugs*

[Linde]

Dietland, Thanks so much for taking the time to write me and share some of your heart. I really like the words you said concerning having nothing to hide. Being a pretender means hiding my true self. It will be great when the day comes when I be able to say with you that I have nothing to hide! I do hope that we will communicate again!

Just hang in there girl!  We may be a little on the old side for wild disco nights (or they call those places clubs nowadays), but we can still have lots of fun as women.  Just come out, be yourself and you don't need to pretend to have a great time, you for sure will have one!
A group of us older girls go out tonight, and two young ones (mid 30) asked if the can come along because we are so much fun to be with (I am the only trans of the group).  You, too,  can join us any time!

[Linde]

but to be a Christian it is that much more difficult to accept who I am. How did you reconcile your faith with your being TG?

My niece is a Methodist pastor, and she is one of my strongest supporters!  Christianity and TG do not exclude each other.  I am not a super strong Christian, but I am a believer, and I do not see any discrepancy between my Christianity and my gender!
The Lord made us, and the Lord wanted us to be the way we are!  We are Gods children, all of His children come in different colors and different genders!

[MarshaJoy825]

Just hang in there girl!  We may be a little on the old side for wild disco nights (or they call those places clubs nowadays), but we can still have lots of fun as women.  Just come out, be yourself and you don't need to pretend to have a great time, you for sure will have one!
A group of us older girls go out tonight, and two young ones (mid 30) asked if the can come along because we are so much fun to be with (I am the only trans of the group).  You, too,  can join us any time!

Dietlind, thanks so much for your kind words. Yes, to come out and by myself is great advice. I am so looking forward to seeing where my belated journey will take me. Perhaps, there will be a time in the future that I can take you up on your offer.  Have a great day. With a hug, Marsha

[Lacy]

Oh Lacy, how can I thank you for sharing with me! It is hard enough to be TG, but to be a Christian it is that much more difficult to accept who I am. How did you reconcile your faith with your being TG? I have started to read your diary and I will comment on it. I am new here; so I don't know how we can communicate outside of the forum. It would be nice to share some of our insights and struggles from our faith perspective. I can see that you are quite new on this journey as well. Please know that you have a friend here. Thanks for your words of encouragement!  *hugs*

Sharing with others helps me also! Being able to talk to someone else who grew up in similar circumstances and hold similar beliefs can help confirm feelings and decisions. Much like this entire forum does for people questioning or struggling with their gender identity in any way!

I did a lot of studying before making the decision to transition, and always sat with my wife and helped her address her questions and concerns about what things mean. I would love to talk with you more and help answer any questions or concerns you may have. If not answer, than at least provide food for thought or possible studies for you to do personally.

I believe at 15 posts your PM feature will be activated. Message me and we can either talk through PM's or email!

Lacy

[MarshaJoy825]

Sharing with others helps me also! Being able to talk to someone else who grew up in similar circumstances and hold similar beliefs can help confirm feelings and decisions. Much like this entire forum does for people questioning or struggling with their gender identity in any way!

I did a lot of studying before making the decision to transition, and always sat with my wife and helped her address her questions and concerns about what things mean. I would love to talk with you more and help answer any questions or concerns you may have. If not answer, than at least provide food for thought or possible studies for you to do personally.

I believe at 15 posts your PM feature will be activated. Message me and we can either talk through PM's or email!

Lacy

Thanks for the encouragement and I am looking forward to talking about faith and being transgendered. I have read much your diary. It has been a great read. It is interesting to see how you have interacted with your wife. I hope that we can be good friends and encouragers to one another. I will PM you when I hit the magic number of fifteen.