New and Nonbinary!

[male2me]

Hello! I am a nonbinary person who was assigned male at birth, and transitioning in more ways than one!

I am 18 (currently), I live in the United States, and I use they/them pronouns. I questioned my gender at 15, came out at 16, changed my name legally at 18, and began HRT three days later, on July 18, 2018! I am 4 months on HRT with estrogen and finasteride. I've had 5 sessions of laser and hope to continue soon! I am also looking into what I could do to get bottom surgery/vaginoplasty.

I came onto this website to get more info about transitioning, as well as interact with my community more! Tumblr wasn't cutting it, and everyone on here seems to be older and wiser. I will admit, I have barely had any positive interaction with binary trans women, so I'm very intimidated, but everyone on here seems kind and accepting! I've definitely been stalking this website since coming out, yet still semi-confused on how to use it.

Thank you so much for reading! I can't wait to participate in this online community!

[Jessica]

Hi Male2me, Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
I so glad you have posted in the Introductions Forum.  It will help other members to know you.

I see you're new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[V M]

Hi Male2me 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Northern Star Girl]

Hello! I am a nonbinary person who was assigned male at birth, and transitioning in more ways than one!

I am 18 (currently), I live in the United States, and I use they/them pronouns. I questioned my gender at 15, came out at 16, changed my name legally at 18, and began HRT three days later, on July 18, 2018! I am 4 months on HRT with estrogen and finasteride. I've had 5 sessions of laser and hope to continue soon! I am also looking into what I could do to get bottom surgery/vaginoplasty.

I came onto this website to get more info about transitioning, as well as interact with my community more! Tumblr wasn't cutting it, and everyone on here seems to be older and wiser. I will admit, I have barely had any positive interaction with binary trans women, so I'm very intimidated, but everyone on here seems kind and accepting! I've definitely been stalking this website since coming out, yet still semi-confused on how to use it.

Thank you so much for reading! I can't wait to participate in this online community!

@male2me
Dear Male2me
    I am very happy to notice that you decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    I see that our lovely member and California Girl   @Jessica   has already welcomed you to Susan's Place.     

    Thank you for telling us a little about yourself... and as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that  Jessica  included in her welcome message.  You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
    Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

[Susan R]

Hello male2me,  it's nice to meet you.  I can relate to the experience you had on Tumblr.  I have accounts on other sites and sometimes I can feel intimated by some of the post GCS women.  I am new to medically transitioning specifically HRT and I sometimes feel like I have little to offer at this point.  I can learn from these older and wiser members, of course, but feel much more comfortable conversing with others at or near my stage of transition.
So far, I have found some wonderful people posting here and I have really enjoyed reading their life stories.  For me, it's turned out to be an invaluable resource.

Thank you for sharing,
Susan R🌷

[dee82]

Hi male2me,

I see myself as binary. But let me tell you, I too have had less than positive interaction with binary trans women who don't quite understand the diversity that exists when talking about gender. I must emphasise those interactions were in the real world, not here at Susan's (wonderful) Place.

Anyways, that is all incidental to saying hello and enjoy your stay.

Welcome!

~Dee

[Linde]

Hi male2me
Welcome here, you find people of all stages of the gender spectrum.  I am a person born intersex, which means, I am not really male nor am I female.  I lived many years as a semi male, and now try to become a full woman  (actually, my body started before my brain, which is now following the body). 
Which means, I am two genders inside one body.  I think I am binary, but who knows.
I am actually one of those persons, who should be addressed with they, but I never felt comfortable with this, because I really want to be a she.  It looks to me, as if you also want to become a she, why would you want to be addressed with they?
I hope I did not offend you with this question, but I just do not understand the logic behind the they?

[dee82]

... but I just do not understand the logic behind the they?

Dietlind, the way I understand it (which could be not quite right) just as it is presumptuous to assume a person's gender by their name or clothing, when the pronouns "he" or "she" is used to refer to a person, there is a built-in assumption about their gender.

But when someone is non-binary, you cannot assume they feel masculine or feminine. So using they/them is actually much easier and more respectful of their journey.

That's how it has been explained to me.

~Dee

[Linde]

Dietlind, the way I understand it (which could be not quite right) just as it is presumptuous to assume a person's gender by their name or clothing, when the pronouns "he" or "she" is used to refer to a person, there is a built-in assumption about their gender.

But when someone is non-binary, you cannot assume they feel masculine or feminine. So using they/them is actually much easier and more respectful of their journey.

That's how it has been explained to me.

~Dee

Thanks.  That confuses me even more.  I have no defined gender/sex, because two different sexes share my body (I was AMAB, but that was just an office decission), and I also feel not really belonging to any gender, but I want to become a female, my body decided this for me.  This is the reason that I go with she/her. 
However, I will always remain to be intersex, which means that those two sexes/genders still are inside me, even if I feel and look like a woman.  The thought to be addressed with they for the rest of my live would really bother me.
But that is just my perspective for my situation!

[male2me]

Thank you all for the warm welcome!

[KimOct]

Hi M2M  Welcome, I agree with you that this group skews older than you which is why I am glad you are here.  It is great for you and us.  I thought your intro was very insightful.

I am a binary transwoman that is OLD !!  58 yikes !!  I transitioned late in life just in 2016 although I knew since I was 5 yrs old.  The world is evolving for the better.  It's great that you are exploring this just as you are entering adulthood.  You have your whole life in front of you.  I am just glad I did it while I have some time left.  Many transpeople lived and died without ever living as their true selves.

I particularly liked the point you made regarding not having positive experiences with binary transwomen.  When I first started transitioning a group of about 10 binary transwomen invited me to be part of their group.  Several of them were very opinionated regarding NB people.  Claimed that they were fakers, or cowards - afraid to fully transition.  For a few months I drank the Kool Aid.  But I have evolved.  I believe in a gender spectrum and the most important thing in life is to be honest with yourself about who you are and live as such.  Do not let fear control you.

I think you will find many accepting people on this site.  So glad you are here !!

[Jessica]

@Dietlind

Dietlind, the way I understand it (which could be not quite right) just as it is presumptuous to assume a person's gender by their name or clothing, when the pronouns "he" or "she" is used to refer to a person, there is a built-in assumption about their gender.

But when someone is non-binary, you cannot assume they feel masculine or feminine. So using they/them is actually much easier and more respectful of their journey.

That's how it has been explained to me.

~Dee

In other words Dietlind, if someone is obviously presenting as a female you would use feminine pronouns, if male, masculine pronouns.  If you just can't tell by any certain cues, it would be safe to consider non-gender specific pronouns.  They may identify on any point on the gender spectrum or none at all.  If you have been directed to address them in any certain fashion, you would use that.  I do understand binary identities are the norm in societies typically, but that is changing through education and caring.  The thing that trips up people now is the wondering if they will get it wrong, and causing an issue. Sometimes the indecision may stop a conversation before it even starts.  What to do.... if in doubt ask or word it so there are no compromises with they or them when speaking about someone.  When speaking to someone while having a conversation with them, it doesn't need to be gender specific, as they are just a human being you're talking to.  Everyone has their own feelings about about who they are and that should always be respected, never questioned.

Hugs, Jess

[Linde]

@Dietlind

In other words Dietlind, if someone is obviously presenting as a female you would use feminine pronouns, if male, masculine pronouns.  If you just can't tell by any certain cues, it would be safe to consider non-gender specific pronouns.  They may identify on any point on the gender spectrum or none at all.  If you have been directed to address them in any certain fashion, you would use that.  I do understand binary identities are the norm in societies typically, but that is changing through education and caring.  The thing that trips up people now is the wondering if they will get it wrong, and causing an issue. Sometimes the indecision may stop a conversation before it even starts.  What to do.... if in doubt ask or word it so there are no compromises with they or them when speaking about someone.  When speaking to someone while having a conversation with them, it doesn't need to be gender specific, as they are just a human being you're talking to.  Everyone has their own feelings about about who they are and that should always be respected, never questioned.

Hugs, Jess

Thanks Jess.
I do not have (never had) any problem with addressing anybody with the version they wanted to be addressed.  I don't really get it why they would want to be called "they", but that is their thing (I still would like to know the reason why that is, because they are still a singular person).
What really bothers me that some people address me with "they" just because they know that I am intersex, and they feel that i should be a they.  They don't even ask what I want to be!  And this bothers me a lot.  I lived my life without any gender identity, zero, zilch, I had no real idea what or who I was.  I was told that I was a male person (now I know better that this was wrong), but I never could really identify with this gender I was supposed to be.  Now I am finally able to decide for myself, which gender I want to be (female that  is), and people start to call me they! 
I was all my life so sick and tired from not belonging, I don't wan to be pulled back into the "not belonging" group, i want to finally belong to a gender!
And this is the reason why I can't understand how people can feel comfortable not to belong to anything, just being some type of a plural identity inside of a single body.  It could be that they need a little more time as being "nothing" to find out that this is not a playing field that is really fun to play in!

Anyway, I think we can rest this subject, I still will remain to be confused why a single person prefers to be a plurality!

But this is not my calling!