This has been my story, twice. The first was last June when I came out to my girlfriend of nine months....I had attempted to transition two years prior but had stopped out of fear...Laura wouldn't go away though, so I confided in my girlfriend that I wanted to begin transitioning again, hoping she would accept me. Her reaction was swift, calling me an ugly woman and stating that she wanted to marry a "real man."
Since then, I've been off and on HRT many times, always stopping out of fear of being rejected by family and friends. I know I'll always be closeted, although I do want to continue electrolysis and have FFS. I many be closeted, but I need desperately to pass. I stopped HRT in October and joined Match to look for a partner. I had previously joined Match as Laura, hoping to find a lesbian partner. It didn't take long, though, to discover that lesbians want no part of being in a relationship with a trans woman. I found my current, now ex-girlfriend, in November and I found, in her, someone I could love the rest of my life and was so happy that she felt the same towards me. After our second date, I told her about Laura and that while I was willing to compromise about parts of my transition, Laura was a part of me.....My girlfriend was taken aback, but accepted me....However, after spending several nights with me last week, she confided that she was shocked to see that I was wearing panties...At this point, I'd not dressed as Laura for her, but I had continued to wear women's jeans and tops. Yesterday, she presented an ultimatum. If I would be only my male self, she would love me the rest of her life. I was willing to sacrifice the majority of my transitioning in exchange for the ability to at least dress part time, but even this was too much for her...
So, my heart aches as well...The few transwomen here whose partners accept them are the exception, not the rule. Our price for being our true selves is to be alone the rest of our lives.
