What has been the hardest part of transition for you?

[Lisa89125]

We all have struggles and hardship in our journey to our true selves. I am just wondering what has been the hardest part of transitioning for everyone?

For me it was finding the strength to finally come out after hiding for 21 years of my 29 year old life.

Lisa

[Arianna Valentine]

I would have to say for me it's been more of emotional struggles with anger and stress towards generally only one person but it's enough to affect my health, way of thinking, attitude and everything [emoji24][emoji24][emoji24]

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

[Colleen_definitely]

Being abandoned by my parents and siblings.

[KathyLauren]

Getting started!

The longest, hardest part was admitting to myself that I was really trans.  That took 61 years.  Second to that was coming out to my wife.  That took 6 months.  The rest has been a cakewalk in comparison.

[Colleen_definitely]

Getting started!

And that's a close second.  Wow was I ever a coward.

[Arianna Valentine]

And that's a close second.  Wow was I ever a coward.

I don't think that you were ever a coward Colleen we all have different trials that we have to go through during transitioning and everybody takes the problems differently me mines with one person other people is their whole families it's losing their wives their husbands or children nobody's a coward as long as we all keep moving forward we are the bravest women around

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?

[Lisa89125]

And that's a close second.  Wow was I ever a coward.

Colleen, I don't think you were a coward. It can be very overwhelmingly hard to start the ball rolling in the beginning when first starting out on our journey. This journey takes every bit of strength and courage we can muster and then some. We also have to just sorta take a leap of faith and step off that first step into our journey not knowing what will happen.

Lisa

[Lisa89125]

Being abandoned by my parents and siblings.

Me too.

On the other hand their opinions don't matter to me at the end of the day. I am going to do this regardless.

Lisa

[Kylo]

All the waiting, I guess.

[EllenJ2003]

Being abandoned by my parents and siblings.

That's not a nice place to be.  I feel for you.  I went through that myself.  I was estranged with my parents for 3 years (2000-20003), until literally weeks before my SRS in late 2003.  While my mother, and father reconciled with me (and I became quite close to them), to this day, my brother and sister really don't want anything to do with me.  The few times I've talked to them (and I've had to initiate the conversations, they never have), they've refused to call me by my name, and will only call me by my initials (which are the same as they were pre-transition).  My dad died of cancer 3 years ago, and my mom is 79.  Once she's gone, I'm on my own family-wise, since, other than my sister's daughter, I haven't really had any contact with my extended family members (aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews) in decades.

I view it this way - I had to choose to live, instead of being one of the walking dead, too bad if it bent them (my Luddite of a sister, and that sanctimonious fool of a brother I have) out of shape when I did what I had to do.  It's my life to live, not theirs.

Ellen

[Colleen_definitely]

Lisa and Arianna,

In my case it was being a coward.  I always managed to talk myself out of it for reasons that ended up being complete non issues in the end.  Yes it's a monumental change and yes it was difficult in places (especially getting started), but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a fool for what I did in the past.

[dee82]

Telling my wife that I am a (trans) woman and can't pretend to be a man anymore.

[Cheaney]

Coming out to myself and accepting it myself have been the hardest thing. Grew up with a ton of transphobia and homophobia to combat.

My family is always going to be difficult regardless of how much they learn and progress.

Now I'm trying to navigate the sports world as a trans woman. Cis women are having a hard enough time trying to get their foot in that door coaching men.


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[Denise]

Divorce.  I made a promise in 1985. Granted, she divorced me, but still.

It's been +2 years without intimate contact with anyone.  That's been the hardest for me.

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[Nina]

Haven't seen my daughter since 2007.
Brother and sister disowned me...although my brother did keep the door open that if I needed a bone marrow transplant...I can call him. How nice.

[Katie]

Time. It takes a LONG time for many of us to actually evolve (just like anyone else) since we start all over as a new person in many ways.

[IAmM]

The time between finding out that transition was possible and going full time. Hormones helped a lot but it got to the point when it wasn't enough, I had to live as a girl. There were a couple months right before going full time that it felt like I was losing my mind, the ache from the need was almost more than I could bear.

[mako9802]

Acceptance  from others.   I am  NOT the stereotype of a trans person.   People even try to tell me  I am  not trans....people  who don't know me because  I dont walk a certain way or conform to some notion in their mind.   Yeah I did not know it  was  going  to be like this....I am just  me JAMIE take me or  leave it...

[dee82]

Acceptance  from others.   I am  NOT the stereotype of a trans person.   People even try to tell me  I am  not trans....people  who don't know me because  I dont walk a certain way or conform to some notion in their mind.   Yeah I did not know it  was  going  to be like this....I am just  me JAMIE take me or  leave it...

I feel for you JAMIE. Stereotypes and generalisations about people are a curse. Sure, using them makes the world simpler to understand and they can be a convenient shorthand. But applying them to people is so dangerous and unhelpful. Honestly, I think wars can start because of stereotypes and generalisations.

Anyway back to trans people, every time someone says to me "to be a woman you must be/act/think like this", I can pick a real life cis-woman counter example, and say, well she is a woman so your stereotype doesn't always apply does it? (Same goes for trans men.)

Identifying with a gender does not mean having to conform to some "average" of what the people of that gender are like in your neighbourhood. The looks/actions/thinking of any subgroup of people is a bell curve. A trans woman doesn't need to be in that middle peak, you can be anywhere on that curve and still be 100% woman.

There is a counter argument, that fitting a stereotype may make things easier for the trans woman, but no-one should ever judge you for not being their convenient shorthand that makes their world easier to understand.

Don't listen to them if they talk in stereotypes, and accuse you of not being trans.

Sorry for the mini-rant, but your situation is something I am passionate about.

~Dee.

[Arianna Valentine]

I would have to say another part that is hard about transitioning is being alone even when people are near

If you can't accept yourself,  how can you expect others to accept you?