She broke up with me...

[anon1256]

Long story short, my girlfriend (trans, mtf) and the love of my life, ended our 2.5 year relationship recently.

We got together before her transition, before she had even really figured out she was trans. It's been a rocky road for both of us, but I thought things were turning around. For the last half of this year, she was finally coming out to everyone, just moved out of her mom's house and now lives alone, just started HRT and began learning to express her true self.

I thought things were looking up, and I never would have expected us to break up. Never. We made many promises to each other. I love her and she loves me and we've shared a bond unlike any other I've felt in my life before. I always felt like the relationship was secure, like I could count on us staying together. I never expected this and I was completely blindsided. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman.

But one November night, she broke the news to me that she wanted to split. Her reasons were: she was too depressed to the point of being suicidal, she felt she couldn't make sense out of a lot of things, her role in the relationship was becoming confusing, she felt guilt for being trans or being who she was, and basically she needed to leave me to heal from mental illness and also to go off and discover who she really is as a person.

I'm devastated that she lied to me about her mental health for so long (had me thinking things were still rough sometimes, but mostly looking up) and that she thinks she has to be away from me in order to discover herself.

We were best friends and closer than ever. We did everything together, worked together on a lot of things, spent a ton of time together, laughed together, had so much fun and such a great connection to one another. Some of the best memories of my life are from our relationship.

The past was confusing, and I did have a lot of questions, but I was willing to leave it all behind us. I was excited about our future. I was excited about her changes and her growth. I was excited to help her on this journey. I truly love her with everything in me.

I struggle with mental illness too. But I thought I had overcome the worst of me. I was just so excited for the future.

I'm just so devastated. Every day I'm just... lost. I really need to hear stories from others this has happened to because no matter what kind of "heartbreak" advice I try to find online, nothing is specific to the trans experience or my experience. If anyone understands this situation at all, please chime in.

I'm 27 and she's 25 if that matters.

[HappyMoni]

Anon,
   I'm afraid I don't have advice for you, but I did want to say I am sorry this happened  to you. When one transitions there is a   lot of coming to terms with guilt and shame. It is a learning process that takes time and effort to let go of stuff. People handle it in different ways.  You deserved her being honest with you. I hope you will try to stay strong and stay positive. Hugs,
Moni

[Charlie Nicki]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Breakups are rough. I hope you both figure out how to be happy again whether it is together or apart.

If you need to talk feel free to PM me. Hugs!

[Moonflower]

Long story short, my girlfriend (trans, mtf) and the love of my life, ended our 2.5 year relationship recently.

Ouch! I feel your hurt.

We got together before her transition, before she had even really figured out she was trans. It's been a rocky road for both of us, but I thought things were turning around. For the last half of this year, she was finally coming out to everyone, just moved out of her mom's house and now lives alone, just started HRT and began learning to express her true self.

Sounds like you both went through a lot of stressful changes. I can see that she had your precious support.

I thought things were looking up, and I never would have expected us to break up. Never. We made many promises to each other. I love her and she loves me and we've shared a bond unlike any other I've felt in my life before. I always felt like the relationship was secure, like I could count on us staying together. I never expected this and I was completely blindsided. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman.

But one November night, she broke the news to me that she wanted to split. Her reasons were: she was too depressed to the point of being suicidal, she felt she couldn't make sense out of a lot of things, her role in the relationship was becoming confusing, she felt guilt for being trans or being who she was, and basically she needed to leave me to heal from mental illness and also to go off and discover who she really is as a person.

When I get depressed, sometimes I can't stand to be around anyone, even my dearest sweetheart. I get extremely confused. I hate my life. I get thoughts that I need to be alone to figure things out, but then my mind just gets more tangled. My sweetie has gotten good at staying nearby, checking on me frequently by just telling me how much she loves me, and doing her best to wait patiently for the mood to pass. When it passes, I'm always glad that she is so close by. We commiserate about how much we hated having distance between us, apologize for anything that we did that hurt each other, and delight in being back together where we belong.

You might need to go through a lot of trial and error to figure out what will work for each of you during such painful times.

I'm devastated that she lied to me about her mental health for so long (had me thinking things were still rough sometimes, but mostly looking up) and that she thinks she has to be away from me in order to discover herself.

We were best friends and closer than ever. We did everything together, worked together on a lot of things, spent a ton of time together, laughed together, had so much fun and such a great connection to one another. Some of the best memories of my life are from our relationship.

The past was confusing, and I did have a lot of questions, but I was willing to leave it all behind us. I was excited about our future. I was excited about her changes and her growth. I was excited to help her on this journey. I truly love her with everything in me.

Being separated from you must be painful for your girlfriend, too. She must be hurting as much as you. She needs your loving support. I hope that you find opportunities to tell her that you miss her, you want her, and you love her, like Robin Williams in the movie, "What Dreams May Come." I wonder how much space she needs, and if she's able to take care of herself when she feels like this. I understand that she left you, and you might want to respect her and yourself by keeping your distance until she can meet you halfway,  but I also know how endearing it is when my Loverest brings me a terrific meal when she notices that I might miss one.

I struggle with mental illness too. But I thought I had overcome the worst of me. I was just so excited for the future.

I'm just so devastated. Every day I'm just... lost. I really need to hear stories from others this has happened to because no matter what kind of "heartbreak" advice I try to find online, nothing is specific to the trans experience or my experience. If anyone understands this situation at all, please chime in.

I'm 27 and she's 25 if that matters.

I hope that sharing a little of my story helped. Feel free to tell us more.