It took decades years to come out

[Emma1017]

Hey Zoey:

Wow, congratulations for having the courage to make your decision and the heart to care that your family understands.

I am also running a parallel course.  I still hope and believe that my wife will want to stay with me.  Like your son, those around us have a massive amount of emotional and intellectual information to process.

I have a 22 year old son.  I am waiting until I feel more comfortable revealing, what is now, a very private process.  Happily I know he will understand given that he has transgender friends.  It might be different when it's me.

We have a massive head-start on them in terms of processing this enormous change.  Everyone needs to change decades of perceptions, biases and relational alignments.  I believe that it is easier for us than them.  We are moving closer to our hearts while they think we are killing the person they love.

I am struggling to slow myself down to give my wife time to catch up.  At 63 I admit I am a bit impatient.  There are moments when I just want to run away.  They are very selfish moments and I know I won't.

The art of this journey is understand what and who we need in our lives to go forward and then to have the patience with ourselves and particularly those we love.

We then have to accept the decisions that others make and accept that we have to make our own.
I am so happy to read about the headway you have made.

Thank you for sharing.

Hugs,

Emma

[dee82]

And the train continues to barrel along the track ...

I told you yesterday I revealed that I was transgender to my 20y son and 15y daughter. Well, everything was not straight forward as I thought. My son was very upset and "traumatized" by what I revealed. I found this out from my wife after she spoke with him today. He is traveling to see his maternal grandparents tonight for a "vacation" but also to have time to talk with them about the situation.

...

Hi Zoey, I am catching up with your progress after being away.

I hope your son can come to acceptance. The fact you were able to talk is a good sign. You are being very reasonable and understanding towards his feeling and he will surely respect that. It takes time.....

In the absence of other news I will assume your daughter is still handling it well, which is great!

~Dee.

[Zoey421]

Hi Zoey, I am catching up with your progress after being away.

I hope your son can come to acceptance. The fact you were able to talk is a good sign. You are being very reasonable and understanding towards his feeling and he will surely respect that. It takes time.....

In the absence of other news I will assume your daughter is still handling it well, which is great!

~Dee.

Hi Dee, my son has come a long way in 9 days since I came out to him. We have talked multiple times over the past week, he has talked with his grandparents, and aunt and uncle. We clarified how I would dress and that I still have more learn about where I want to progress medically. We talked about there being a spectrum of TG people and that coming to accept I am a transgender woman is about accepting who I am. He actually told me he may come around to me presenting as a woman and this progress. We plan to have dinner on Wednesdays and he may stay over at my new place. I actually think we are closer and, hopefully, this will continue.

My daughter doesn't say much right now although she did tell four of her friends about me and the separation. She told me they were surprised and supportive. I hope she will open up to me over time. I know there is a lot of thought going in her head, I can see the wheels turning. It is my responsibility to engage with her and be patient with her. I know the questions will come in time.

Thank you for your support. This is why I love the forum ... so many great friends.

Hugs Zoey xoxo

[Zoey421]

I bought 2 bras today and went to work wearing one and I felt completely natural 





The image I saw in the mirror somehow matched a picture I had in my head.

[Zoey421]

We have a massive head-start on them in terms of processing this enormous change.  Everyone needs to change decades of perceptions, biases and relational alignments.  I believe that it is easier for us than them.  We are moving closer to our hearts while they think we are killing the person they love.

Hi Emma, we who have accepted ourselves as transgender are far ahead of our colleagues, friends, and family. I told my two oldest friends, and their wives, today that I am transgender. They have known me for 40 and 34 years. Trust me, they have years of perceptions and biases to overcome. My oldest friend readily admitted he needs time to process this information. What was wonderful is that coming out has not changed the way they see me as their friend. Both couples asked how they can support me and I responded by doing exactly what they were doing ... accepting me and my true self.

I cried.

I was so happy.

I was relieved.

I am my true self.

Patience and empathy I find are excellent attributes to have right now. Emma, I'm sure your family will make a decision that is right for them. More importantly, understand you have accepted something that has always been there with you. Even at 63, patience and empathy for your family will go a long way to helping everyone join your journey in a positive way. Find the patience to help your wife understand your journey. She will get there in time.

We are here to support each other. Thank you for support ... it means much to me.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

[KimOct]

Hi Zoey - A couple thoughts....  Your experience of coming out to friends and family sounds very similar to mine in 2016.
The fear is so much worse than the reality in most cases. 

I know that there are many transgender people that have been rejected but IMHO if we have quality people in our lives then they of course need a little time in some cases to process - it is usually a huge surprise but for many of us the fear we have built in our heads does not match the reality - fortunately.

Regarding the bra purchase I completely get it - after years of hiding being able to acquire things that represent the real you is liberating and exciting.  In the big scheme of things I have come to realize that the true excitement is the realization that you are living as the real you and are not in the shadows anymore.

You are doing GREAT !!

[Michelle_P]

In the big scheme of things I have come to realize that the true excitement is the realization that you are living as the real you and are not in the shadows anymore.

Exactly right!  This is the big Brass Ring for many of us; to finally, completely live our authentic lives, with no more hiding, no more lies, just ourselves.  It is both a tremendous relief, and a source of joy.

That may sound excessive to some, but after being buried alive for a half century, it sure feels good to be out!

[Zoey421]

Regarding the bra purchase I completely get it - after years of hiding being able to acquire things that represent the real you is liberating and exciting.  In the big scheme of things I have come to realize that the true excitement is the realization that you are living as the real you and are not in the shadows anymore.

Kim, I experienced something truly great today. I wore a different bra today, a La Senza "Hello Sugar Plunge", to work and I felt totally normal. What was revealing was when I changed to come home, taking off the bra, I felt "naked," it just seemed strange.

Wearing the bra, creating an appealing shape around my chest with clothes hanging properly, made me feel special, happy. It just seemed right, the image in the mirror matched the picture in my head. I felt whole.

I think when I move next week to my new flat I will have more freedom to move about dressed appropriately for me and won't have to change to go home. That will be a nice change.

Thanks for the continued support. It means a lot.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

[tgirlamg]

Kim, I experienced something truly great today. I wore a different bra today, a La Senza "Hello Sugar Plunge", to work and I felt totally normal. What was revealing was when I changed to come home, taking off the bra, I felt "naked," it just seemed strange.

Wearing the bra, creating an appealing shape around my chest with clothes hanging properly, made me feel special, happy. It just seemed right, the image in the mirror matched the picture in my head. I felt whole.

I think when I move next week to my new flat I will have more freedom to move about dressed appropriately for me and won't have to change to go home. That will be a nice change.

Thanks for the continued support. It means a lot.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

Onward We Go Brave Zoey!!! 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[Zoey421]

Each day is a day of discovery; yesterday was such a day.

I came out to my oldest friends, friends I have known between 35 and 40 years. I think they were initially shocked, at least that was the initial body reaction, but they told me being transgender doesn't make a difference to them because they see me as their friend and as a person. They asked how they can support me and I told them by doing exactly what they were doing ... listening, being non-judgemental, supporting and understanding me.

My oldest friend from high school and his wife told me their 16y nephew, my friend's sister's son, came out transgender MtF. So they have some experience with the issues involved although they are very different for a 16y versus a 54y transgender woman.

I am blessed to have friends like them and it's sad they live 5,000 km away. I know they will continue to welcome me to their homes and be with me as I go through this journey.

Hugs Zoey xoxo

[Zoey421]

ALERT - UPDATE 

I have a hotdesk at WeWork in Vancouver, which, by-the-way, is a great concept and experience. The staff here is so amazing and they asked me if I wanted to be called by my legal name or by another chosen name. How sweet is that 
So, I asked that they address me as Zoey! This is the first time I will be using my chosen name in public. Another threshold stepped over in the process; the hallway is long with many more thresholds to cross.

Luv all of you.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

[Megan.]

ALERT - UPDATE 

I have a hotdesk at WeWork in Vancouver, which, by-the-way, is a great concept and experience. The staff here is so amazing and they asked me if I wanted to be called by my legal name or by another chosen name. How sweet is that 
So, I asked that they address me as Zoey! This is the first time I will be using my chosen name in public. Another threshold stepped over in the process; the hallway is long with many more thresholds to cross.

Luv all of you.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

That's awesome, it's those interactions and being addressed in your chosen name that make things feel special.

My employer is trialling WeWork,  I've used several of their London locations [emoji3526]

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Zoey421]

That's awesome, it's those interactions and being addressed in your chosen name that make things feel special.

My employer is trialling WeWork,  I've used several of their London locations [emoji3526]

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Thanks, Megan. I admit I will have to get used to hearing Zoey more often ... Hugs

[Linde]

Thanks, Megan. I admit I will have to get used to hearing Zoey more often ... Hugs

You will get used to that!  I hardly react anymore, if somebody uses my dead name, not because I ignore it, it just does not really register with me anymore!

[KimOct]

Sounds like you work with great people.  The sooner everyone calls you Zoey the more natural it will get.  I almost never turn my head when I hear the name Mike anymore.  It took a few months - after so many years it is a reflex.

Sometime soon you will only think of yourself with the name Zoey - at least that was my experience when I changed my name to Kim.  If you are going to do it legally it helps too. 

I did it myself without a lawyer.  I know people that paid $1000 for an attorney which is crazy.  It cost me $342 for the court fee and I filed the forms myself and represented myself in court - no big deal.  Just took a little work.

It was very validating for me once my name and drivers license was changed.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY ZOEY !!

[Linde]

Sometime soon you will only think of yourself with the name Zoey - at least that was my experience when I changed my name to Kim.  If you are going to do it legally it helps too. 

I did it myself without a lawyer.  I know people that paid $1000 for an attorney which is crazy.  It cost me $342 for the court fee and I filed the forms myself and represented myself in court - no big deal.  Just took a little work.

It was very validating for me once my name and drivers license was changed.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY ZOEY !!

What is the requirement for that In MN?  Here it is either an orchi or full SRS!
And I was informed by my urologist that none of them in SW Florida would do this just for gender purposes.  If I can't convince them about medical reasons, I might have to travel!

[Zoey421]

I keep moving forward and I told my team, my executive management committee, that I came out transgender. Frankly, I dressed in a way that probably had them thinking, what is going on? The sparkly pink scarf and jewelry may have been a sign.

I started with the 3 women on my team and one of them encouraged me to tell the two men, which I did at the very end of a day's worth of meetings. Once again, everyone was supportive, in fact, one of the men said, "And???," meaning what did it matter. This was wonderful to hear and meant much to me that the 5 people with whom I work regularly accepted and supported me.

Coming out to my board of directors and to the entire membership is another issue, although I am probably more concerned than I need to be. The organization where I am President and CEO is probably 80% men with an average age between 45-50 years. Will they accept me as Zoey? Probably, but I want to take this one a little more slowly.

I will have a conversation with the Chairperson, who is a wonderful woman, and make a plan about how to make an announcement. Fortunately, the employment law in British Columbia protects me from any potential discrimination but that doesn't make the process any easier.

Next on the list is moving to my new apartment on Friday this week. I am really looking forward to the change and the ability to dress the way I want to without having to carry a change of clothes.

There will be more to come over the week ...

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

[tgirlamg]

Zoey!!!... So glad things are moving along so well dear sister!!! 😃👍

Onward we go!!!

Yer Sista' 🙋‍♀️💕🌸

[Zoey421]

Zoey!!!... So glad things are moving along so well dear sister!!! 😃👍

Onward we go!!!

Yer Sista' 🙋‍♀️💕🌸

Hi Ashley, thank you for the support!! Luv Zoey xoxoxo

[KimOct]

What is the requirement for that In MN?  Here it is either an orchi or full SRS!
And I was informed by my urologist that none of them in SW Florida would do this just for gender purposes.  If I can't convince them about medical reasons, I might have to travel!

Hi Dietland- Sorry I was off the site a few days.  Busy with work.  I assume your question is regarding a birth certificate.  My name change was in MN and that does not require anything of course.  You can change your name to anything you want.  The judge did offer to change my gender marker but it was moot because my birth cert is from Illinois.  He included an order to Illinois to change my birth cert but they were not required to do so and they did not.

So.... I changed my name in MN and they also did the Driver's License at the DMW.  The DMV required a letter from my therapist to change my DL to female.  So at that point all that was left was my birth certificate.  Illinois required SRS which an orchie qualified as SRS in Illinois.  So... after I had my orchie the surgeon had to sign an affidavit that had to be notarized which I then sent to Illinois and finally got my birth certificate change.  Whew !!  I got tired just typing it much less doing it LOL.  I was determined.

Sorry Zoey - The mixed Blessing of having your introduction of turning into an ongoing thread.
Glad you are doing so well !!!