It took decades years to come out

[Zoey421]

So today I bought a sports bra. I was running on a treadmill yesterday because it was too *&^ cold in Montreal and I was downtown, so there wasn't really an easy place to run. I noticed the movement of my chest and breast tissue (yep, 36B - man boobs) and how uncomfortable it was. This isn't the first time.

Off to VS I go and purchased a new sports bra, well 2 actually (2 for 1 deal). I wore the bra today while running in Ottawa, still &%^ cold, and behold I felt comfortable. Heck, even if I wasn't accepting my MtF self I would probably consider wearing the bra.

Life is a journey, that's for sure. Another new experience.

Oh, if you are in Ottawa in February and winter is actually in full force, go skating on the world's longest skating rink. The Rideau Canal has about 4-6 miles of skating rink. I ran on the ice today and it was very cool, pun intended.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

[KimOct]

Those aren't man boobs anymore Zoey - they are girl boobs.     Travel safe.

[Zoey421]

@KimOct ... right you are.

And here is what happens you you don't listen to your body. Right ankle swollen and hurts like %^& ... turned on it running. Can't sleep because of it! [emoji35]

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[Linde]

You have quit som arthritic distortions on your feet.  You may want somebody to take a look at them before they grow and become very painfull!

[KimOct]

Zoey - Linde was a medical professional so she isn't just spouting off.   

Also regarding running issues you should PM with Ashley she is a serious runner.  Another friend of mine that runs a lot ran with Ashley before and couldn't keep pace.  Ashley is in some serious shape.  She might have pointers for you.
(Ashley if you are reading I am talking about Suzanne)

Brisk walks and yoga are more my speed.

[Zoey421]

Hi Kim, i am a long time runner ... 2:55 marathon, and this was a situation where I wasn't paying attention running on an icy sidewalk. Just plain stupid.

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[Zoey421]

Well, new again ... I am attending a professional development conference on Nonprofit law today as Zoey ... ME ... for the first time full femme. Well, I still using Bruce because that is how I am listed with my provincial accreditation body, Chatered Professional Accountants of British Columbia (CPABC), and I need to report my 20 to 40 hours of PD.

Funny that there is prominent group of religious charities represented but no one is really paying attention to me.

Because we know, it is all about me [emoji41][emoji14]

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[Zoey421]

Ashley she is a serious runner.  Another friend of mine that runs a lot ran with Ashley before and couldn't keep pace.  Ashley is in some serious shape.

@tgirlamg, Ashley, now all makes sense ... this is why you are rocking those dresses and swimsuits.

I am currently training at 8:55 per mile for an easy run, near 8:00 for a threshold run, but way off marathon training times... 10 years of aging does that. 20-30 miles per week.

And, wearing a sports bra... which feels soooo much better.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

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[tgirlamg]

@tgirlamg, Ashley, now all makes sense ... this is why you are rocking those dresses and swimsuits.

I am currently training at 8:55 per mile for an easy run, near 8:00 for a threshold run, but way off marathon training times... 10 years of aging does that. 20-30 miles per week.

And, wearing a sports bra... which feels soooo much better.

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

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Hey Zoey!

Congrats on the continued brave strides forward to show your true self to the world!!!

I have not been letting myself get as obsessive about running as I have in years past but, I really love it... It is when I do my best meditating on the complexities of life!!! Listening to music as I run along gorgeous coastline!!!... in 2015 right before GRS I was hitting some 70 mile weeks but these days I just go as schedule and weather allows... probably 10-25 per week... much more of a manageable load!!!...

Onward we run brave sister!!!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️🌻💕

[Zoey421]

I flew home from Montreal yesterday. A mom and her son had 2 middle seats and i had aisle. So I figured I would give up my aisle seat so they could sit together, being a generous woman I am.

I get up, move into aisle and then son is chest height to. He's looking straight my chest and trying to process what he is seeing. Man? Woman? He didn't say anything, just look a little confused.[emoji54]

I had a good chuckle to myself [emoji14]

Hugs Zoey xoxoxo



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[KimOct]

Good way to look at it Zoey.  Yeah kids of a certain age do stare at us.  They can tell something isn't quite what they are used to seeing.  I have never had any of them say anything.  If they did I would just smile and tell them I used to be a boy but now I am a girl.

Glad you are doing so well !!

[Zoey421]

I don't normally do this, but I wanted to promote a positive movement in Canadian sports where the Canada Games, the only national, multi-sport, 2-week event in the world, is way ahead of the curve on diversity and inclusion. Not only do the Games include able-bodied athletes, para-athletes, and Canadian Special Olympic athletes, the Canada Games Council now promote a safe environment and inclusionary policy for trans athletes.

This is what greets athletes, coaches, and officials:

"Within these walls, you are welcomed, accepted and respected," it reads. "Here, no matter who you are or where you come from, you are at home, regardless of your sex, sexual orientation, race, marital or family status, gender identity or expression, sex characteristics, age, colour, disability, political or religious belief or non-belief. All that we ask is that you be ethical, excellent and inclusive in all you do."

Proud to be a Canadian involved in sports.

https://www.cbc.ca/sports/canada-games-gender-inclusion-policy-1.5023596

Zoey

[KimOct]

Love it !!!  Thanks for sharing Zoey.  Every step forward is a good thing. 

[Zoey421]

Love it !!!  Thanks for sharing Zoey.  Every step forward is a good thing. 

Thanks, Kim. Now, i only have to come out to my colleagues in Canadian amateur sports. I have told some people, people whom I believe I can trust, but have come out publicly. This is a hard one for me as well as coming out fully with work and my membership.

Although I have heard people are talking in my old sport community, rumours you know, and i have to believe it is come from someone with whom I have confided. It is disappointing. My ex seems more concerned than me and, i think, i need to look at this a little more deeply.

Anyways, progress is being made.

Hugs Zoey

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[KimOct]

Zoey I have seen people be stagnant for years - you are doing great.  You have a great balance of wisdom and courage.
I am confident that you will make the right choices but we are always here for you to bounce things off as a sounding board.  Keep us posted. 
Hugs

[Zoey421]

Thanks, Kim. I find it interesting that other people, my ex, my brother (I think), are more concerned about how THEY will be judged by others because I have come out. This is about me, my mental health, my long term happiness.

My guess this is not unusual and others have experienced the same situation.

However, dismissing these concerns is probably a bad idea. They are impacted too, i know.

Zoey

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[Zoey421]

More new experiences to share:

I traveled to a business meeting over the weekend and while I wasn't totally dressed en femme, like ... no bra, I did dress femininely and work some makeup. I have not announced publicly that I am transitioning but that hasn't stopped me from dressing the way I like. If people think I am gay, well take a half step to the left and, BINGO, there we are!!!

Back on track ... I was gendered female twice without even trying to be female. Go Figure. I was called "Ma'am" when the server picked up plates and the hotel employee directed me AWAY from the men's washroom to the women's.

Then, on the way home, I passed through airport security, was tagged for personal search and chose the x-ray machine. Lo and behold, my bra gets targeted; I guess they thought I was trying to hide something ... yep, I am woman, that's what I was trying to hide. 

So, I am asked by the male TSA agent if I want a male or female agent for the pat down. I could tell he was trying to figure out what to do and ask. I chose the female agent.

New experiences all around, I guess.

Hugs, Zoey xoxoxo

[Zoey421]

Hi world ... you have not heard from me in a long while as I have been busy with business travel over the last month. There have been lots of updates and developments over the month.

First, I had a great time with my daughter tonight ... movie and dinner. The server addressed as "ladies", which made me smile although I'm not totally sure if my daughter heard her. But, god, I love her and she is so supportive.



I came out to a whole bunch of boards of directors on which I serve, including my bosses and the board of directors for the charity I lead. Once again, my concerns were more about my thoughts than what actually happened. Everyone was very supportive and I am now working with a communication consultant to draft a plan to tell the 4,700 members of my organization.

The biggest barrier for me is to decide which name to use for business. I'm leaning towards my given name while I use Zoe for social settings. Why? Well, I'm not prepared nor ready to change my name legally and as a CPA in Canada, I don't want to complicate my professional accreditation at this time. And, to be honest, I have been on this journey for only 4 months, I want to bring my kids along with me, I don't need the additional stress with a name change while I go through a divorce, and it is more important that I am comfortable with me, my life, the way I live than being overly concerned about labels, including name and pronouns.

I am continuing to build my spring and summer wardrobe, meeting and spending time with new friends, attending my therapy sessions, and spending time with my son and daughter. My feelings about women and men companions are evolving and I'm not really sure where I sit on this subject now. I want to go on HRT but I want to move forward with treatment when I am ready to tell my kids this is what I am doing and they are more or less ready to accept this next step. I am comfortable with who I am, how I live, which is 98% of the time as a woman, and, overall, quite happy notwithstanding the normal stress of separation and divorce.

The last note for today is this: tonight I came home and checked my Instagram account. Lone and behold, my ex-wife requested access to join my private account. Wow, I had to think about this; I am slightly concerned about giving her access to my Instagram account because I don't want her to troll the account. I eventually approved her request because I didn't want the hassle of hearing why I didn't accept her request. Now the proof will be can she behave on social media? I am trying to be the bigger person on this one.

I glad to be back among friends and supporters. Here is a high 5 for all of us making the journey to realizing our true selves.

Lots of luv and hugs, Zoe xoxoxoxo

[Zoey421]

I wanted to share a piece of wisdom shared with me by my therapist and, coincidentally, by the creator of Sirius XM Radio, Martine Rothblatt, a transgender woman:

"Since we work hard to climb out of our past closet, we should not transition in a future closet"

Live your life to the fullest. Embrace who you are. Celebrate your true self. Go out into the world as a confident woman. Be proud. Be confident. Be happy. Don't let anyone tell you who you are, what label you have to use because labels are meaningless.

If you love yourself, then that is all that matters.

Stay in bright sunshine.

Enjoy life.

Enjoy being a woman.

Hugs Zoe xoxoxo

[Zoey421]

The last note for today is this: tonight I came home and checked my Instagram account. Lone and behold, my ex-wife requested access to join my private account.

So, my ex has clearly perused my Instagram account (zoeycatherine2018 if anyone is interested). I received a text message from her with a suggestion - had I considered a wig? Hopefully this is a good sign that she is coming around to accepting my transition.

Trying to keep it positive!

Zoe

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