Hi everyone, I had a long conversation with my ex-wife today. It was a tough one but required. The one thing that stuck out to me was the mention of "mourning the loss" of my male identity, whom she, my kids, and friends have only known. I thought that was an interesting way to look at the process.
My family is grieving for me, for the loss of me, the loss of my former identity. That doesn't necessarily mean they are not supporting and accepting me as Zoe (or by my AMAB name); they are. I have to recognize this is a significant change for them and understanding the stages of grief are important for me to understand how they are processing my new identity.
So, I can use the 5 steps of grief from Elizabeth Kübler-Ross:
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
Or I can use a 7-step model
- Shock and denial
- Pain and Guilt
- Anger and Bargaining
- Depression
- The upward turn
- Reconstruction and working through
- Acceptance and hope
Regardless of which model I use to think through this issue, my ex has reminded me that it is important to be mindful my family is grieving. My journey is not only about me but includes those whom I love and cherish as well. I don't want to lose them, so now I have to work to understand their separate processes.
Zoe
