Bad Christmas

[Arianna Valentine]

So what did I do this year for Christmas Christmas Eve was pick up my father from the hospital he has stage 4 COPD and required an emergency room visit two days ago they told me he was being released today and I could come pick him up I went picked him up only to find out that his COPD has gotten so bad that both of his lungs are 100% gone so they told me that the best thing I can do when I get him home is make him comfortable because he's not going to last much longer.

It's interesting that for the past 2 years he I hated the fact that I'm transitioning he's called me names he's said anything that you could possibly think he's never said he hates me though but I find it I heard that here he is on what could possibly be his last days on Earth and he has treated me completely horrible since I've been transitioning because he don't accept it but I think the 30 years that I was with him overrides that anger that I feel towards him heading right transition and calling me names because I know that after 38 years of knowing him most of those years being with him at least 30 that when I do lose him which is coming hopefully later but I'm going to mentally physically emotionally I'm just going to be broken.

And I am sorry to post a topic like bad Christmas but I wanted to be honest with how I feel about it I wanted to be honest with how I'm feeling right now I'm sad I told my boyfriend that if this happens I don't know what I'm going to do but I know I want him there to pick up the pieces because I know he can do that I know he loves me that much that he will do that he cares about me so much and that is what's helping me right now at least.

What I do know is I am following the doctor's orders and keeping him as comfortable as possible I made him a pot roast with veggies and cinnamon rolls tonight for dinner tomorrow night is a big plump glazed ham that he really wanted so he's going to get what he wants and I'm trying to get my nieces and nephews to come over because it's in all likelihood going to be his last.

I do know that he is homophobic and transphobic but he still love me and would still give his the shirt off his back to help somebody I would also like to share a picture of him with everybody...
§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

[Devlyn]

Big hug! I know what a broken relationship with a parent is like. Merry Christmas to both of you.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Arianna Valentine]

Big hug! I know what a broken relationship with a parent is like. Merry Christmas to both of you.

Hugs, Devlyn

That's the thing our relationships not broken but I know when I lose him because I've had him in my life for so long that I will be I have been taking care of him for the past eight years because of his COPD

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

[Chaerlie Bjerkenstök]

Wishing you the strength to get through this trying time Arianna, and also for some reconciliation and acceptance from your father in his last days.
I hope he realises and perhaps more importantly, speaks out of that realisation, that you are his child and are deserving of his love and not of his scorn and insults.
You are just as much a victim of this as any of us.
We didn't choose our transness, it chose us.
All we can do is make the best of a nightmare situation.
I hope he has some revelation of this before his time comes, but rest assured he certainly will after it, when mortal ignorance is lifted from our souls and we see everything clearly.
Above all I hope he realises that he's got nothing to lose in telling you he loves you and appreciates you being there for him despite his attempts to hurt, ridicule and push you away from him and realises too, that if you weren't the loving person that you are, you would have walked away a long time ago.
He's lucky to have you as his child, regardless of what your gender is.
YOU are a beautiful human being and whether you are male, female or otherwise, he's lucky to have you in his life.
And I hope that you realise this too, even if in the end, he can't bring himself to thank you for being you.

Ok?
Ok..
Xx

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

[davina61]

Best wishes my dear, big HUGS and XXXs

[sarah1972]

Best wishes and all the strength you need in the coming days. We are all here for you!

Hugs,

Sarah

[ChrissyRyan]

Show him love, hope for the best, and get some rest as you care for him.

Make it a good Christmas for all today.

Merry Christmas.


Chrissy

[steph2.0]

Arianna,

I lost my dad 34 years ago, and I was always a disappointment to him, only reluctantly following in his macho footsteps. As he was before he got sick, I don't think he could have ever accepted my transition. He was not physically abusive, but, with my sensitive nature, I was terrified of his verbal abuse of my mom, sister, and me.

Yet, according to my mom, when he saw his fate staring him in the face (terminal brain cancer) he turned himself around and became one of the nicest of people. I was still keeping my distance in those days, so I didn't see a lot of it. What I did see confused me back then, and left me with no words to say. I don't know if his new outlook would have embraced my transition, but that's water long under the bridge.

My point is, if I could have realized what was going on, I could have been nicer, regardless of his reaction. My advice is be kind, show love, and try to realize his point of view is coming from not understanding. I think you already understand this. Make memories, and try to keep them as happy as possible.

Be well, always be yourself, and remember there are lots of people who are always there for you.


Stephanie

[Arianna Valentine]

Arianna,

I lost my dad 34 years ago, and I was always a disappointment to him, only reluctantly following in his macho footsteps. As he was before he got sick, I don't think he could have ever accepted my transition. He was not physically abusive, but, with my sensitive nature, I was terrified of his verbal abuse of my mom, sister, and me.

Yet, according to my mom, when he saw his fate staring him in the face (terminal brain cancer) he turned himself around and became one of the nicest of people. I was still keeping my distance in those days, so I didn't see a lot of it. What I did see confused me back then, and left me with no words to say. I don't know if his new outlook would have embraced my transition, but that's water long under the bridge.

My point is, if I could have realized what was going on, I could have been nicer, regardless of his reaction. My advice is be kind, show love, and try to realize his point of view is coming from not understanding. I think you already understand this. Make memories, and try to keep them as happy as possible.

Be well, always be yourself, and remember there are lots of people who are always there for you.


Stephanie

First I would like to say I am so sorry that you didn't get to make up with your dad that is truly sad but understandable as well with brain cancer obviously affects your brain you can affect your way of thinking if they've affect your attitude affect everything about you as far as my father him and I have a good relationship I can't say we have a bad one despite the name-calling which is generally focused around homophobia which doesn't bother me that much I grew up around and I mean it hurts being called it but it could be worse he's never said I hate you he always tells me I love you but he always kind of throws in I love you son but despite everything he's still one of the best people I know and one of the kindest

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

[Arianna Valentine]

I wish I knew how to do they give credit to everybody that posts on my threads or says something nice but I would like to thank all of you I'm sure I will need all of the strength and help I can get in the coming days

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

[randim]

Best wishes to you Arianna.  My own father died of COPD complications some years back.  It is a hard and painful thing.  I hope you can reconcile in the time he has left.  If not, take comfort in knowing you are doing the right thing by him.

[Arianna Valentine]

Best wishes to you Arianna.  My own father died of COPD complications some years back.  It is a hard and painful thing.  I hope you can reconcile in the time he has left.  If not, take comfort in knowing you are doing the right thing by him.

I am so sorry for your loss but thank you

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

[stephaniec]

sorry for your pain

[GordonG]

Wishing you all the strength and calm that you need in this trying time. Keep smiling, let him know how happy you are to be on your own journey.

[Arianna Valentine]

Wishing you all the strength and calm that you need in this trying time. Keep smiling, let him know how happy you are to be on your own journey.

Thank you so much and again thank you everyone who's posted on this thread it means the world to me

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

[EllenJ2003]

Hugs, and hopefully strength passed on to you Arianna. 

It's hard watching a family member die - I went through the same thing 3 years ago, when my dad was dying of cancer, and two days before he died (and was in hospice care at home [he had only been home for two days]), I took care of him for several hours while my mother went to run some errands (I took a vacation day from work, and made 1 1/2 hour car drive to my hometown to do so).  I was difficult at best to watch my dad suffer - he was in a great deal of pain, despite having morphine administered to him.  While my dad and I had some very rough times after I transitioned (he took it VERY hard in 1999, when he found out that my transsexuality [that he knew about as far back as 1978], had NOT gone away, like he had thought it had), by the time of his death he openly stated that I was his daughter.  While it may not happen with your father Arianna, I hope it does.

[Miharu Barbie]

Sounds like a beautiful Christmas to me, isn't it? Your father is home with you. You get to show him the best time he could hope to have under the circumstances. You get to provide him his favorite foods.

You have zero control over what your father chooses to think and feel on this glorious day. But you have 100%, absolute control over your own thoughts. You will (hopefully) look back on these final days and weeks of your father's life and on the loving care you showered on him this Christmas season, and you will (hopefully) bask in the warm glow of who you turned out to be when the chips were down.

Hey, I just talked myself into loving you! You make it easy. Give it try. Make it habit. What have you got to lose?

Love, Miharu

[Arianna Valentine]

Sounds like a beautiful Christmas to me, isn't it? Your father is home with you. You get to show him the best time he could hope to have under the circumstances. You get to provide him his favorite foods.

You have zero control over what your father chooses to think and feel on this glorious day. But you have 100%, absolute control over your own thoughts. You will (hopefully) look back on these final days and weeks of your father's life and on the loving care you showered on him this Christmas season, and you will (hopefully) bask in the warm glow of who you turned out to be when the chips were down.

Hey, I just talked myself into loving you! You make it easy. Give it try. Make it habit. What have you got to lose?

Love, Miharu

Sadly enough and 2 mi thought I forgot to post last night to sleeping pills in my system light of contributed to that but he ended up going back to the hospital last night he could not sleep he had a really dry cough because of the air being so cold I assume so we don't know if he's coming out or not but what I do know is he wanted me to bake a ham for Christmas and I am going to bake the ham and I am going to take it some of it up to him he will get the ham that he wants just like last night he got the roast that he wanted

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

[Sky1090]

So what did I do this year for Christmas Christmas Eve was pick up my father from the hospital he has stage 4 COPD and required an emergency room visit two days ago they told me he was being released today and I could come pick him up I went picked him up only to find out that his COPD has gotten so bad that both of his lungs are 100% gone so they told me that the best thing I can do when I get him home is make him comfortable because he's not going to last much longer.

It's interesting that for the past 2 years he I hated the fact that I'm transitioning he's called me names he's said anything that you could possibly think he's never said he hates me though but I find it I heard that here he is on what could possibly be his last days on Earth and he has treated me completely horrible since I've been transitioning because he don't accept it but I think the 30 years that I was with him overrides that anger that I feel towards him heading right transition and calling me names because I know that after 38 years of knowing him most of those years being with him at least 30 that when I do lose him which is coming hopefully later but I'm going to mentally physically emotionally I'm just going to be broken.

And I am sorry to post a topic like bad Christmas but I wanted to be honest with how I feel about it I wanted to be honest with how I'm feeling right now I'm sad I told my boyfriend that if this happens I don't know what I'm going to do but I know I want him there to pick up the pieces because I know he can do that I know he loves me that much that he will do that he cares about me so much and that is what's helping me right now at least.

What I do know is I am following the doctor's orders and keeping him as comfortable as possible I made him a pot roast with veggies and cinnamon rolls tonight for dinner tomorrow night is a big plump glazed ham that he really wanted so he's going to get what he wants and I'm trying to get my nieces and nephews to come over because it's in all likelihood going to be his last.

I do know that he is homophobic and transphobic but he still love me and would still give his the shirt off his back to help somebody I would also like to share a picture of him with everybody...
§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§

Arianna, I sincerely wish the best for you and your family this holiday season. The last two years were really trying on my family and I at Christmas with my Grandfathers health. I know exactly how you feel. A week before Christmas two years ago was the time he was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. He rapidly declined and we had lost him by February. I was by his side the day he was diagnosed and held his hand the day he passed. I truly hope you and your father can enjoy this time together. It's not easy news to receive but know it does get easier with time.


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[Arianna Valentine]

Arianna, I sincerely wish the best for you and your family this holiday season. The last two years were really trying on my family and I at Christmas with my Grandfathers health. I know exactly how you feel. A week before Christmas two years ago was the time he was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. He rapidly declined and we had lost him by February. I was by his side the day he was diagnosed and held his hand the day he passed. I truly hope you and your father can enjoy this time together. It's not easy news to receive but know it does get easier with time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

While we both have known for the past five or six years that this was coming he was doing so good and then all the sudden he's not I mean yeah we three or four trips to the ER a year expected last year I don't even think he had a trip to the ER but it's just you can only fight for so long

§§§§~~~~If you can't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?~~~~§§§§