Sexual orientation?

[GingerVicki]

@GingerVicki
Excellent point, it should be very obvious that we need to use our head and good judgement but there are times that the heart can block some of the signals from our heads.   
The heart and the head need to work as a team....
...resulting in common sense and passion working together in a delicate balance.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this....
Hugs, and best wishes,
Danielle

My heart should play football defense. Over the years it has blocked my brain and common sense for decades.

On the flip side I will probably be a straight gal when things are done.

[KimOct]

This conversation is fascinating to me because I have been grappling with the intersection of my body dysphoria and my sexual orientation.  I think if I felt better about my body AND had vaginoplasty I would be more attracted to men.  Yet it is interesting to me that I find them more attractive than before transition.

Someone suggested to me prior to starting estrogen that I would be more attracted to men once I was on E.  I didn't see the connection.  Is it real, coincidental, imagined?  I dunno.  ( I need an emoji with me shrugging my shoulders )

[Linde]

This conversation is fascinating to me because I have been grappling with the intersection of my body dysphoria and my sexual orientation.  I think if I felt better about my body AND had vaginoplasty I would be more attracted to men.  Yet it is interesting to me that I find them more attractive than before transition.

Someone suggested to me prior to starting estrogen that I would be more attracted to men once I was on E.  I didn't see the connection.  Is it real, coincidental, imagined?  I dunno.  ( I need an emoji with me shrugging my shoulders )

I need to share that emoji with you!  I have been heavily feminin all my life, and my body changed even more to it long before I had heard about HRT, etc.  But I never discovered any trace of attraction to men in me.  I am now close to 5 months on Estrogen, have no balls left, feel very much like a woman, and want to be one, but I still cannot discover any attraction to men inside me.  I would like it very much to be attracted to men, but I don't know how to go about it?

[GingerVicki]

I identified a non-transitioning transfemale lesbian, but I am transitioning and men are becoming more appealing to me. Someone told me that they would not be surprised if I started liking guys and I am. I do not know how to have sex with a guy and I am not sure how to go about that.

I have a general idea, but it is just different.

[HappyMoni]

Linde, I think vaginoplasty played its part. I don't think HRT causes orientation change. I always say transition causes it IN SOME people. Maybe it has to do with all the letting go of the aspects of the old person and accepting of the aspects of the new person. As the new me, I can no longer tolerate male patterns that I dealt with for years. It just doesn't work. I have no patience for such things.I don't like to be seen in a male capacity. I hate misgendering. It is really the whole big picture. Part of that is that I can't tolerate being the male or closest thing to a male in a bed or a sexual relationship. It doesn't work. I slowly have desired more and more to have that distinction of me as the feminine partner, partnered with a masculine counter balance. It seems more natural,more enticing now. It only upsets me because it hurts others. Sadly, it hurts others.

Good looking guys? Burt Reynolds, Sam Worthington (from Avatar), Chris Pratt (Guardians movies). Looks are less important than kindness to me though. Say no to bad boys! Never saw Brad Pitt as cute! Don't get that one!

[Linde]

Linde, I think vaginoplasty played its part. I don't think HRT causes orientation change. I always say transition causes it IN SOME people. Maybe it has to do with all the letting go of the aspects of the old person and accepting of the aspects of the new person. As the new me, I can no longer tolerate male patterns that I dealt with for years. It just doesn't work. I have no patience for such things.I don't like to be seen in a male capacity. I hate misgendering. It is really the whole big picture. Part of that is that I can't tolerate being the male or closest thing to a male in a bed or a sexual relationship. It doesn't work. I slowly have desired more and more to have that distinction of me as the feminine partner, partnered with a masculine counter balance. It seems more natural,more enticing now. It only upsets me because it hurts others. Sadly, it hurts others.

Good looking guys? Burt Reynolds, Sam Worthington (from Avatar), Chris Pratt (Guardians movies). Looks are less important than kindness to me though. Say no to bad boys! Never saw Brad Pitt as cute! Don't get that one!

Thanks for the answer Moni!  I really hope that my bottom surgery would come soon and do the same to me.  But I am way older than you, and my brain had much more time to build steel hardened walls around that little corner of male feelings that is left in my had and just manifests itself as a dislike for any romantic encounters with them.  I don't know if that is it???  Otherwise I left you male patterns behind me as far as I can (well the few that I had), and I am as female as can be, because maleness was only a fake coating on me.  But still, this one thing seems to be cemented inside my head.  It's not the going to bed with, but it starts  already with hugging and probably kissing. But that might be a protection mechanism to not even come close to a bed, I don't know.
My therapist feels that I am projecting my own genital dysphoria onto other men, which would mean that I have to see if this changes once my last little bit of it is gone.
But that still does not mean that I know what a good looking guy is?  I know that I am OK looking (I  want to loose another 20 pounds though), I have a presentable face, body and I even have some kind of OK bobs (the infamous hand full, enough to play with - but they still hurt like hell), so I have to wait that the good looking guy find me!

I hope SRS will change my orientation!  I want to be hetero!

[HappyMoni]

Linde, I guess the trick is to find happiness  with whatever we are and however we are built. If it isn't in the cards to be attracted to guys, I hope you will be at peace with that. I am at peace with my desires down deep. My only trouble involves how it affects others. The switcharoo makes things complicated. I am not the type to enjoy myself while causing heartache to others. If gender dysphoria proved anything to me, it's that some things can't be fought by wishing them away. That's when acceptance comes in.

[Linde]

Linde, I guess the trick is to find happiness  with whatever we are and however we are built. If it isn't in the cards to be attracted to guys, I hope you will be at peace with that. I am at peace with my desires down deep. My only trouble involves how it affects others. The switcharoo makes things complicated. I am not the type to enjoy myself while causing heartache to others. If gender dysphoria proved anything to me, it's that some things can't be fought by wishing them away. That's when acceptance comes in.

Moni, I will accept what will happen with me, I had to accept so many other things over the course of my life.  But one can still hope.  If it is genital dysphoria, which makes me dislike guys, it hopefully goes away once I had SRS, and I can become interested in men, if not, so will be it, and i might die as a lonely old maid!
Here I sit, being a lesbian, but never having been socialized as one, and I have no clue how to identify other lesbians or how else to find one.  They might be all around me, and I just don't know!

[Colleen_definitely]

The best way to figure out if you like something is to try it.  That's my feeling on the subject anyway.


You might not find exactly what you are looking for, but at least you can have some fun along the way.

[Linde]

The best way to figure out if you like something is to try it.  That's my feeling on the subject anyway.


You might not find exactly what you are looking for, but at least you can have some fun along the way.

But if you not even get the chance for it, you can't even try!

[Colleen_definitely]

Sometimes you have to put some effort into making the chance happen. 

[Linde]

Sometimes you have to put some effort into making the chance happen.

Once I have something back that only remotely resembles a libido, I will try to be a little active.  With my current kind of libido, shopping or clothing is more erotic for me!

[Colleen_definitely]

Ah yes that would certainly make things a bit more difficult!

[KimOct]

Moni - I couldn't figure out what you meant by the following.

It only upsets me because it hurts others. Sadly, it hurts others

Are you referring to your partner or something else?

My celebrity guy crush - John Krasinski. 

Yeah I agree -no bad boys.  I always went for the mean girls.  Took me a very long time to stop that.  The guys I am attracted to are usually nice and not hyper masculine.  I wish I had done this 30 years ago - I think I would have had a good radar for the right guys - God knows I had bad radar for the right women.

Moni - one last thing...  I know we are enjoying teasing each other ( I definitely am  ) but your comments above show what a sweetheart you are. 

[HappyMoni]

Moni - I couldn't figure out what you meant by the following.

It only upsets me because it hurts others. Sadly, it hurts others

Are you referring to your partner or something else?

My celebrity guy crush - John Krasinski. 

Yeah I agree -no bad boys.  I always went for the mean girls.  Took me a very long time to stop that.  The guys I am attracted to are usually nice and not hyper masculine.  I wish I had done this 30 years ago - I think I would have had a good radar for the right guys - God knows I had bad radar for the right women.

Moni - one last thing...  I know we are enjoying teasing each other ( I definitely am  ) but your comments above show what a sweetheart you are.

Thanks Hon, I think the world of you too. I refer to anyone invested in me being in the relationship I am in my partner. Her, my kids, my family, friends and coworkers who like us as this ideal pairing. We really are that. Well, except for this curve in the road. That is what makes this painful.
Oh, I like to look at hockey playoffs cause I like guys with nice beards.
Now, 'tease on and prosper!'

[Drexy/Drex]

I've noticed I'm still attracted to females but wether I'm just coveting their bodies .......
Emotionally attracted to females but not males although sexually attracted to both
But with men it's the very genuine masculine types not macho posing types etc ....but I still feel a revulsion towards them ...I can't understand how women put up with them
Other times I feel  asexual  like I couldn't care a less about sex either way maybe that's ahormone inbalance
I haven't had sex with anyone since I started hrt which must be at least 2 yrs now
So emotionally women not men but if I had the right parts perhaps
Sexually women and select men....can take it or leave it with men
Think this second purberty thing can mess with you 😅🙄😑

[Miss Kitty]

I would like to contribute to this thread by adding my own experience. I have always considered my pansexual but as I started transitioning my desire to be with other women has lost all romantic and sexual context, I want to be with women as part of a tight knit girl gang but nothing more. That being said, I still have an attraction to very effeminate men, sissy's, draq queens or trans women, but even that seems to be some thing I'll probably just keep in my past. I think I'll just try and end up with a nice guy with similar interests. I do believe both the hormones and lifestyle change have contributed to my change in sexual/romantic preference but I heavily discourage any one from placing a great amount of faith in being able to use transitioning to change their preferred romantic or sexual partners.

I would like to add that I was given a detailed booklet by the gender clinic that initially treated me and it mentioned the change in sexual orientation, apparently it only affects around 5 percent of the trans population.

[HappyMoni]

I would like to add that I was given a detailed booklet by the gender clinic that initially treated me and it mentioned the change in sexual orientation, apparently it only affects around 5 percent of the trans population.

Very interesting! I would not be surprised by that number.

[KimOct]

I think mine has shifted somewhat but not done a dramatic 180. 

[Linde]

I was at my therapist today (and I, the person always felt here is nothing better than some version of pants, am now running for the 5th day in a row around with either a dress or a skirt), and I told her that I feel super feminine.  She thinks that the last testosterone influence may have left my body, and I am running now on estrogen only, and that this might bring out this feeling.  She asked me about my sense of smell, and I told her that it increased quite a bit.  She said it is a fact that women are attracted to certain men because of their (the man's) smell.  It might even be that the man with the right smell for me comes around and I would be interested in him.  What do you ladies think about this, can your orientation towards guys be because of their smell?
If that is the case, I sure will hope it happens after I had my SRS.
For the mean time, I signed up on a lesbian dating site, and am in contact with 4 different women now.  I have to see what comes out from that.  I know how to deal with women!