Sexual orientation?

[Linde]

I am mostly asexual (zero libido), but leaning very heavy lesbian.

I wish I would be Bi, but wishing does not cut it!

[JanePlain]

I may have already said this (I'm vegging out)  I have a friend who knew that being male and being with women was a flop.  Not knowing too much about transexuality tried the gay male scene.  Found that to be awful. I brought up transexual m2f.  She transitioned m2f and men (Marriage and all that) fell right into place.  Yea for happy results!

[KimOct]

There are two mtf people that I know locally that I have a crush on.  I would date either of them.  I don't want to give out more info because some people that read here know those two people and I want to keep who they are private since they are unaware of my interest.

My primary attraction is women but I definitely look at men differently now compared to before transition.  In the past I had no attraction to men whatsoever now yeah I do find some attractive.

[JanePlain]

It just struck me how odd it is that someones sexual interests can change.  I believe the whole theory that being Gay or Lesbian was once considered mental illness.  Then something that was a fetish but could be "cured" and maybe at last people are willing to say its what your about and there is no overlord that says you must be this or that way to "qualify" 

I'm curious hearing from m2f persons who were attracted to women before transition and then changed to include men.  Was it cross gender hormones or only after SRS (GRS)?  I'm thinking it might be either or both but would love hearing what everyone thinks.  Thanks!

[Tribble]

It just struck me how odd it is that someones sexual interests can change.  I believe the whole theory that being Gay or Lesbian was once considered mental illness.  Then something that was a fetish but could be "cured" and maybe at last people are willing to say its what your about and there is no overlord that says you must be this or that way to "qualify" 

I'm curious hearing from m2f persons who were attracted to women before transition and then changed to include men.  Was it cross gender hormones or only after SRS (GRS)?  I'm thinking it might be either or both but would love hearing what everyone thinks.  Thanks!

My sexuality changed.  I believe it was soon after starting HRT.

What would you like to know?

[HappyMoni]

It just struck me how odd it is that someones sexual interests can change.  I believe the whole theory that being Gay or Lesbian was once considered mental illness.  Then something that was a fetish but could be "cured" and maybe at last people are willing to say its what your about and there is no overlord that says you must be this or that way to "qualify" 

I'm curious hearing from m2f persons who were attracted to women before transition and then changed to include men.  Was it cross gender hormones or only after SRS (GRS)?  I'm thinking it might be either or both but would love hearing what everyone thinks.  Thanks!

@JanePlain  If you are still interested, I have one answer. I missed your question earlier. For me, looking at orientation change as a result of one factor doesn't make any sense. It was transition that did this to me. For me, I lived life from the perspective of a man because that is what my only choice was. I was genuinely attracted to girls and later women. I was not repressing any desires for men, they weren't there. Through the process of transition, my whole perspective on the world changed. More importantly, my view of myself changed. How I fit in the world evolved as a result of this and being with a man sexually  is really something that becomes right. I guess I thought I could explain it better, but essentially, it is not one change but the whole perspective of life change that makes such a switch possible. I think a big part of it for me is a control thing. Trying to be a guy, we are supposed to be in control, including sexually. It was never a natural thing for me but its what I had and I did it. As a woman, my joy, my natural inclination is vulnerability. It is now allowed and it is pretty compelling to give a certain control over to a man. The thought now fits in with my identification as a woman. You start having guys treat you different, and  the way you interact is no longer as one of them but as something apart. You start  liking their attention and you like being noticed, maybe being  checked out if you are lucky. They become attractive to you. It's surprising, a lot weird at first, and pretty damn inconvenient.

[jkredman]

@JanePlain  If you are still interested, I have one answer. I missed your question earlier. For me, looking at orientation change as a result of one factor doesn't make any sense. It was transition that did this to me. For me, I lived life from the perspective of a man because that is what my only choice was. I was genuinely attracted to girls and later women. I was not repressing any desires for men, they weren't there. Through the process of transition, my whole perspective on the world changed. More importantly, my view of myself changed. How I fit in the world evolved as a result of this and being with a man sexually  is really something that becomes right. I guess I thought I could explain it better, but essentially, it is not one change but the whole perspective of life change that makes such a switch possible. I think a big part of it for me is a control thing. Trying to be a guy, we are supposed to be in control, including sexually. It was never a natural thing for me but its what I had and I did it. As a woman, my joy, my natural inclination is vulnerability. It is now allowed and it is pretty compelling to give a certain control over to a man. The thought now fits in with my identification as a woman. You start having guys treat you different, and  the way you interact is no longer as one of them but as something apart. You start  liking their attention and you like being noticed, maybe being  checked out if you are lucky. They become attractive to you. It's surprising, a lot weird at first, and pretty damn inconvenient.

Moni:

I'll just postulate you've given this way too much thought.  ;-)


This is / has been a question that has run through my mind occasionally.


Traditionally I have been attracted to, loved, and married another woman.

Yet, while I'm not there yet physically, I can easily see a post-op Kate happily sharing her body with a man that truly loves her and is committed to the fiercely independent woman she is.

I can't explain it.  All I can say sex absent the vagina is very repulsive to me.  Sex,post-op, I think I want to enjoy.

Go figure?

Kate


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lexxi]

For all of my life I've only been attracted to women. I mean I never even once fantasized about being with a guy. I used to think that if I were ever able to have SRS, I would remain attracted only to women, thus I would be a lesbian.

But something has changed within me the past few months. Once I decided that I would definitely be transitioning into the person I've always known I really was, all of my fantasies and dreams have revolved around being with men. In those fantasies and dreams I'm a completely transitioned woman having already had the SRS. In all honestly I believe that I will become bisexual if I'm ever able to afford the SRS.

I've been reading up on the phenomenon of people's attractions changing after SRS, because I've been stumped about my changing attractions. Them magazine published a very interesting article just last June and it has some really good info in it. Here's the link if anyone's interested.

https://www.them.us/story/sexual-attraction-after-transition

Hope this helps!

xoxo

Lexxi

[Shay9999]

I'm not a very sexual person, but women are usually who I crush on. However, I wouldn't be opposed to dating a boy if he was mature and in touch with his feelings. However, from a purely sexual standpoint, I've had the most exposure to women, and feel most comfortable around naked women than naked men.

Also, I'm super picky. And I've only ever liked one trans women in my life (but she's engaged and straight 😭)

[Danielle Kristina]

For most of my life I thought I was straight (cisgender man attracted to women).  However, a part of me wondered if something was off.  From the first time I ever had any kind of intimate fantasy, I envisioned myself as a woman being made love to by a man.  This actually continued through even today.  The funny thing is that I've always preferred women.  I've even explored the possibility of male-male attraction and concluded that while I do have some gay tendencies, I could never see myself actually dating, falling in love with or sleeping with a man.  However, I've always had a strong attraction to women.  So I guess that according to the Kinsey scale (if you consider Kinsey's scale an accurate measurement of one's sexuality), then I suppose I'd be a Kinsey 1, which is considered bisexual.

Now that I've come to accept myself as the transgender woman I have always been but never knew, I largely consider myself a lesbian, but in truth I'm bi.

[HappyMoni]

Moni:

I'll just postulate you've given this way too much thought.  ;-)


This is / has been a question that has run through my mind occasionally.





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Kate, are saying I'm horny? lol  Hmmmmm, maybe you're right!

[Linde]

I have been attracted to women all my life, and I am still only attracted to them.  Orchi or not, HRT or not, my sexual orientation has not changed a bit!

[Tribble]

Can I throw a wrench into some theories?

I'm not sure my sexuality so much "changed" as it opened up the moment I began to explore transition.  The moment I realized I really was going to be going down this road of transition.  Before I'd even had my first gender therapy session and months before I even began HRT.

Assuming our brains are hardwired to our true gender from birth and some just may not recognize it for whatever reason until later in life, I'm guessing when I thought I was "honestly" asking myself constantly if I was "gay" as a boy and man and always coming up with "no" as an answer, I was not able to access some part of my psyche, whether it was social pressure or conditioning, I'm not sure.  I think that once I realized I would be living in the world as a woman my brain somehow allowed itself to open my thinking to my true nature in that, yes, I loved girls and then women, but guess what!  I also have this inner desire to be with a guy!  To love and be loved by a guy!  To...um...be intimate with a guy!

It gets weirder...I thought I would have had GRS long, long ago.  It didn't happen that way.  I've been stuck with this dangly bit for far too long and GRS seemed too far out of reach for me.  While I did end up marrying a man, I'm so uncomfortable with my bit, even post-orchie, that I have no desire to have it even seen, much less utilized, so we've had a sexless marriage.  It's caused major issues for both of us to the point that we're in a holding pattern until we just sign the paperwork to finalize our divorce.

I started thinking that I wanted to be with a woman again.  I want to experience physical and emotional intimacy with a woman for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long.

I was suddenly given huge good news a couple of months ago and was able to begin exploring the possibility of having GRS, finally!  But my searching and searching was not encouraging.  Prices have gone up considerably since I first looked into this 16 years ago so it began to feel just as out of reach as it had for the last decade or more.  A couple of days ago I found out that two local clinics took my insurance when previously they didn't!  Woah!  This might actually happen!  HF!

Now, with the very real possibility that I might finally have a place to put a guy's bits and get enjoyment out of it, I'm kinda changing my mind again!  To finally experience proper sex with a guy is starting to awaken my long-dormant libido.  There are stirrings down there, but they radiate to my entire being!

I'm even thinking that there might be a possibility my marriage might be saved, but realistically, I'm pretty sure it's too far gone to be resuscitated. 

So...where the hell am I going to find a guy that finds tomboys that like to use machinery and work in CG attractive?

I'm weird.

[Drexy/Drex]

Happymoni you explained succinctly a lot of the thoughts going through my mind concerning this,as have others...nice contributions Ladies, I guess if I am honest with myself I too would be interested after grs...I also have had the experience of when I was very young fantasizing of having a sex with a man ....oddly enough before I even knew about masturbation or any sex experience,
Interesting about the vulnerability point....I feel the same way...

[HappyMoni]

Can I throw a wrench into some theories?

The weird or crazy thing about this is our differences. There is no theory that holds for everyone, I think. Drexy seems to relate to some of what I said. You or someone else could have a very different perspective. There is no explanation that works for everyone. LOL, I spend way to much time thinking about this according to Kate (my friend), maybe because this is something that has affected my life, in some ways,  made it more difficult. Plus, the subject is pretty damn interesting in my opinion. The fact that when we transition, we jump from one role in this world to another. If we indeed evolve in who we are, why would it be a surprise that we interact with the world with different eyes, with different desires. It is no surprise that we keep some things either. In the past, I felt there were some who felt that my story was one of suppressing desire for men early on and that when I transitioned, I let my true sexual orientation come out. That left me feeling invalidated because that was not my experience. Anyone out there who finds that through the experience of finding their true self (transition or not) that they view things differently, well, I would want them to feel it is valid, maybe scary, but legitimate. There are no wrong answers to this pop quiz! 

[Linde]

when I transitioned, I let my true sexual orientation come out. That left me feeling invalidated because that was not my experience. Anyone out there who finds that through the experience of finding their true self (transition or not) that they view things differently, well, I would want them to feel it is valid, maybe scary, but legitimate. There are no wrong answers to this pop quiz! 

As I stated several times, I wish I would be able to have a wider range of sexual orientation. 
Could it be that you were Bi, just had that part of your sexuality suppressed, and with HRT you allowed it to surface?
Reading here how many of you people have the chance to love both genders and any possible gender in between, I feel really left out with my very straight lesbian orientation!
Having the body I have (biologically), I wonder if I never was heterosexual, just acted like it because I dealt with women only, and my heavily female body was always equipped with a lesbian sexual orientation?
I wonder if they would dissect my brain once I am dead, and what weird interconnections they would find there.
Kind like: Linde the biological experiment = how weird a human body and brain can be constructed?

[Tribble]

The weird or crazy thing about this is our differences. There is no theory that holds for everyone, I think...There are no wrong answers to this pop quiz! 

Absolutely!  This was brought up in group last night.  Someone asked if we all feel dysphoria differently, I the resounding answer was "YES!"  The same can and should be said about sexuality.

I really did think that I was being honest with myself when my inner voice asked if I was "gay" in my younger years.  Now, it's entirely possible I was bi and didn't realize it and had succumbed to societal pressures, but it's also totally possible that, given my new role in society that my entire world-view had changed!  I do get that you feel that others telling you that you were repressing pre-transition as invalidating.  The fact is that no one can really tell you what your real thoughts and feelings are or how they've changed over the years.  Not a layperson, and not even most therapists.

I have a funny story about the first MMPI I took when I was 17, but I'll relay that somewhere else or in private to whoever wants to hear as it's not related to sexuality.  Let's just say that I don't entirely trust the results of that test!

To continue my own story as it seems to be in flux right now, I've been thinking that I would probably rather be with a woman again than a man after my husband and I finalize our divorce.  I honestly have no control over who I fall in love with, but that was my "goal".  I just found out that I may finally be able to get GRS soon (!!!) and my thoughts have suddenly changed again!  Or, they're beginning to.  I'm like, "Ooh!  I'll finally have the right parts and if I date a guy I'll be able to use them 'properly!'" (To all lesbians, no, I don't believe one way to use a vag is more 'proper' than any other.  But new possibilities may have just opened up for me! )

So, I'm still in a state of discovery after all of these years!

[Tribble]

As I stated several times, I wish I would be able to have a wider range of sexual orientation. 
Could it be that you were Bi, just had that part of your sexuality suppressed, and with HRT you allowed it to surface?
Reading here how many of you people have the chance to love both genders and any possible gender in between, I feel really left out with my very straight lesbian orientation!
Having the body I have (biologically), I wonder if I never was heterosexual, just acted like it because I dealt with women only, and my heavily female body was always equipped with a lesbian sexual orientation?
I wonder if they would dissect my brain once I am dead, and what weird interconnections they would find there.
Kind like: Linde the biological experiment = how weird a human body and brain can be constructed?

Oh, Linde!  I understand how you feel, at least on some base level.  I wish I could've been happy as a "straight man" prior to transition!  And in all these years being with a guy I've had this intense sadness that I'll never be with another woman.  That I'll never again taste..well, we won't go there.

Each of us is different.  I do have a feeling that everyone is bi on some level and that some people are more open to exploring that about themselves, but my theory is no more valid than anyone else's and I don't judge.  I'll tell ya, when I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl in England and I was in my parents' basement and they were watching "Whose Line is it, Anyway?" and two of the male comedians kissed and both of my parents mentioned that they couldn't see themselves kissing someone of their own gender, it hurt.  They knew I was in the background.  They knew I was in a lesbian relationship.  It almost felt like they were sending me some sort of hint.

On the other hand, my dad used to have a saying that "If a person thinks or does it, it's natural."  My mom told me that when I was worried about how he'd feel when I came out.

[Maybebaby56]

For all of my life I've only been attracted to women. I mean I never even once fantasized about being with a guy. I used to think that if I were ever able to have SRS, I would remain attracted only to women, thus I would be a lesbian.

But something has changed within me the past few months. Once I decided that I would definitely be transitioning into the person I've always known I really was, all of my fantasies and dreams have revolved around being with men. In those fantasies and dreams I'm a completely transitioned woman having already had the SRS. In all honestly I believe that I will become bisexual if I'm ever able to afford the SRS.

I've been reading up on the phenomenon of people's attractions changing after SRS, because I've been stumped about my changing attractions. Them magazine published a very interesting article just last June and it has some really good info in it. Here's the link if anyone's interested.

https://www.them.us/story/sexual-attraction-after-transition

Hope this helps!

xoxo

Lexxi

Hi Lexxi,

That was an interesting article. Just to add my two cents, I was never attracted to men pre-transition, but once I started HRT, my attitude regarding men as sexual partners went from "Ewww!" to "Hmmm..."  .

Post-SRS I have had several sexual encounters with men, and my sexual fantasies have always involved penetration, with me being a woman in a sexually submissive role.

I guess I am in my "second transition", as the article puts it. I believe gender identity is hard-wired, but sexual orientation is malleable, and depends on what is socially acceptable, and what you find attractive. Since I am totally immersed in a female social role, it is completely acceptable, even expected, that I find men attractive, so I let myself go there. I still like women, and may even prefer them in many ways, but I do love penetration (even though for me it still hurts). I love having a man on top of me, thrusting inside me.  Toys are just not the same.

As other posters have stated, I don't believe our sexual orientation changes through the process of transition, so much as it may expand.   I ended up being bisexual. The dating pool for a 61 year-old transsexual is pretty small, so I am not going to exclude half the population when it comes to finding that special person I could potentially spend the rest of my life with.

~Terri

[Linde]

a feeling that everyone is bi on some level and that some people are more open to exploring that about themselves, but my theory is no more valid than anyone else's

Tribble, if that theory could be true, i have to tell you that my Bi orientation is the very best hidden secret inside my brain.  It mus be in a corner that I never ever visited before, because never in my life (at least what I can recall) I have ever contemplated to even hug or kiss a guy!  I was girls/women only, nothing else!  And it does not look like that this will change (I wish it would)!
However, I will remain open for it, and hope that SRS would do something, but I would not bet anything valuable on this!