Questioning has stalled. What subtle/discrete changes can I try at work?

[CAB78]

My GIC appointment is probably 18 months away so I see a private gender therapist and it's helped a lot. I also get meds from a private doctor which if you can afford it is the best approach.

However, to get things moving again I think it's fair to say if you have been questioning your gender as an adult for 22 months your likely to be on the trans spectrum. So, experiment with non visible stuff and see if it helps. For example, underwear, toe nails, sit to pee. There are some good lists online. I started to experiment like this and the relief I got was surprisingly significant.

Maybe also try reading some autobiographies and see if anything the author experienced matches with your feelings. I found sites like http://darahoffmanfox.com/ask-gender-therapist-know-im-transgender/
And YouTube very useful.

[Confuzled]

Go private for gender therapist and HRT.

I've pondered about going private for gender therapy, but I'm in the North of Scotland, and there's not exactly any suitably experienced therapists nearby that I know of. I think Edinburgh is the closest, but that's at least a 7 hour round trip, and I'm not a fan of travelling at the best of times. Yeah, some may do something over telephone or Skype, but I'd prefer in person.

HRT is simple, as I'm comfortable in going the DIY route, at least initially. I had previously tried a short trial on a low dose to see how it made me feel, but after just a month or two, I panicked when my chest developed independent movement whilst running down some stairs at work!

In short, I think you can "get away with" almost anything, and almost no one will say anything...

Ah, but due to there having been at least two transwomen in a similar job role to myself, in neighbouring organisations over the past several years, my colleagues are jokingly waiting for me! It's all in good humour, and my workplace would probably be a safe place to come out.

Is dieting an option for making your appearance more feminine?  Belly fat is usually a gender tell.

Training your voice to pass as female on the phone is something that you could learn on you own without the expense of a therapist.

Back just days before I started questioning, when I was considering getting serious about cross-dressing, I decided that my obese belly really needed to go, and without a second thought proceeded to lose weight. I was 91kg (200lb) and just today I passed 66kg (145lb). My target weight is 65kg, so I'm almost there. When my work colleagues asked why I was losing weight, I just told them I needed to drop a few dress sizes, knowing that they'd think I was joking! I'm now around a UK size 12 rather than the 16+ I was before.

I have thought about maybe working on my voice. About a year ago I determined that I'm maybe around the top end of the male range at 162Hz, so I might be fairly lucky in that regard, but there's still room for improvement.

However, to get things moving again I think it's fair to say if you have been questioning your gender as an adult for 22 months your likely to be on the trans spectrum.
...
Maybe also try reading some autobiographies and see if anything the author experienced matches with your feelings. I found sites like http://darahoffmanfox.com/ask-gender-therapist-know-im-transgender/
And YouTube very useful.

Yeah, I've read through Dara's website and watched probably all of their videos. I've even got Dara's latest book, although unfortunately I didn't find it all that useful. For the last 22 months I've probably spent almost every evening and weekend trawling through YouTube, various sub->-bleeped-<-s, and endless other websites. Since day one I've also been journaling, to keep a record of everything I read and relate to, along with anything else I think and feel. So far, it's up to 89,000 words, 175 pages, and there's no way anyone would think it had be written by a cis-gendered person!



So, thanks to everyone that responded, as it's given me some other things to consider trying. Hopefully something might help get me past whatever is holding me back and accept the inevitable. Ultimately in the first half of 2019, I think I need to gradually move to a more androgynous presentation of some sort.

[Maid Marion]

It isn't just the pitch of your voice, but how you modulate it.  I can drop the pitch of my voice and still male fail over the telephone.  Women enunciate more clearly and talk faster. A rise in pitch at the end of a sentence is also common.

[Confuzled]

Thanks, I was forgetting about that aspect. It's an area I haven't paid much real attention to at all, but I was keeping in mind, along with general female mannerisms and movement. I have occasionally wondered what I might have unknowingly picked up from the largely female dominated office that I've worked in for several years.