Chapter 2: In Which Michelle_P lives her life post transition

[Dena]

Also, weren't TB chest x-rays and vaccines a big thing too???

X-rays were only used when the results from the skin test were questionable. They used to use a needle that looked like a small screw driver to put the solution under your skin and you would come back in a few days to read the results. They lined us up at school and tested every kid in the school just to be sure the school was clean. Fortunately they only did it once about the time I was in 3rd grade.

They also vaccinated in school if needed. I receive small pox and polio sugar cubes as there was a fair risk of contracting either of them from the general population. I don't know if the small pox vaccine is still effective after all these years but as the only samples exist in a lab somewhere, I am probably pretty safe.

[Jessica_Rose]

I am also glad that this went smoothly for you Michelle. No matter how small the chances are, the wait for an answer still causes quite a bit of anxiety. I have experienced a lot of that lately myself!

[Michelle_P]

Last night I was in a meeting centered around issues of marginalized people and interactions with other persons with more privilege.  Marginalized people are folks on the fringes of mainstream society, having an unimportant or powerless position within a society or group. Transgender folks land in this category.  Privilege refers to a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of many others.  Transgender folks are considered to be persons of less privilege than the cisgender heteronormative folks.  For example, I've been asked to leave shops whereas someone appearing to be cisgender heteronormative person was not.

One person in the meeting indicated that marginalized people have an obligation to teach them, that they should be able to simply ask a marginalized person questions about their social status at any time and be educated by the marginalized person.  I objected to this.

If I am sitting in a coffee shop enjoying a macchiato and a bit of chocolate cake, I really do not want to launch into an impromptu discussion of '->-bleeped-<-' or be asked why I 'chose this lifestyle'.  (Both have happened to me)

I wrote a paper on the topic and why I do not believe trans or other marginalized people are obligated to educate others, just to get this off my tiny chest.  When I offer a training class or presentation, it is a gift to others, or a work for hire.  Demanding that I teach someone, because they missed the class, or because I'm more convenient than a text, is an imposition and exercise of their privilege relative to mine, and serves to 'remind me of my place.'

How Can I Learn If You Won't Teach Me?

[Michelle_P]

Traveling...  train to airport to a plane headed north.  The badgers tell me I am needed there.

The TSA scanner flagged my right ankle. The legging was rolled up a bit. That was checked, and no other problems showed up. I'm at my gate watching the sunrise.



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[Donica]

Traveling...  train to airport to a plane headed north.  The badgers tell me I am needed there.

The TSA scanner flagged my right ankle. The legging was rolled up a bit. That was checked, and no other problems showed up. I'm at my gate watching the sunrise.



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That is a beautiful sunrise Michelle. Have a safe trip. Please give hugs!

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[Michelle_P]

Wheee!   It looks like I made the Big Time!

WoLF, the Women's Liberation Front, a supposed leftist organization funded by James Dobson through his Alliance Defending Freedom operation, whose sole activity is anti-trans nonsense, has its supporters going after my Facebook posts!  Little old me!   I feel so special!

🤣

[Anne Blake]

Wow, now I know a real star! Michelle, can I have your autograph....please.

Actually, is this just a fun status jump for you or will they be putting you at risk? You do need to keep yourself safe sister.

Love you girl,
Tia Anne

[Michelle_P]

Wow, now I know a real star! Michelle, can I have your autograph....please.

Actually, is this just a fun status jump for you or will they be putting you at risk? You do need to keep yourself safe sister.

Love you girl,
Tia Anne

No real risk.  I had a 'follower' who was a member of their Facebook group.  They are now blocked. 

It's really just some very silly Facebook 'drama'.

I thought it was far more entertaining when "Westboro Baptist Church" protesters showed up outside my church the same day I had my first turn on the chancel as a Worship Associate.  That was an entertaining coincidence!

http://www.ktvu.com/news/hate-group-targeting-lgbtq-shows-up-to-walnut-creek-church-members-sing-songs-in-solidarity

[KathyLauren]

I thought it was far more entertaining when "Westboro Baptist Church" protesters showed up outside my church the same day I had my first turn on the chancel as a Worship Associate.  That was an entertaining coincidence!

[Donica]

Yes indeed!!! Love it!

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[Michelle_P]

Huh.

I am getting the feeling I am Not Welcome Here.

I've recently been told by members here that I am not a Real Woman, but a third gender.  Um, I live in a culture that operates two gender clubs, and really doesn't tolerate anyone that doesn't fit in either club.  Lots of official paperwork only accepts "Man/Male" or "Woman/Female", and nothing else.  If I am supposed to identify as something else, about all that happens is that I lose access to almost everything from medical care to police protection.  (Try telling a cop you aren't a man or a woman.  Go ahead.  I'll wait for you to be released from the Psych Hold.)

I apparently cause offense to some should I identify as 'Woman', invading and co-opting cisheteronormative womanhood, appropriating their identity and culture.  Darn.

OK, what am I?

Then there is my orientation.  I am a very femme person, from anatomy to presentation.  (Don't co-opt 'Woman' from the cisheteronormative culture, and appropriate their identity or culture!).  I am attracted to other persons with a femme presentation.  I do not insist on knowing their karyotype, or what they might have in their briefs.  I do not know what they might have on their birth certificate.  They might identify as a 'Woman'. They might not.

I am told by gender specialists that this orientation is essentially 'lesbian', as a gender binary orientation.  Naturally, this fine old gender orientation word has acquired additional layers of meaning over time, and has been adopted by some groups to denote not merely a gender binary orientation, but a unique identity denoting a subculture of 'real women', and using this gender binary orientation label is an appropriation of lesbian identity and culture.

Worse, I am not attracted to all women!  That odd haircut with one side shaved close, that tendency of some women to wear baggy jeans and sleeveless heavy outdoor vests, all are highly unattractive to me.  The whole 'butch' thing is somewhat offputting.

I am attracted to femme presentation, though, and that certainly includes some women.

I can't say I am a 'Woman' without offending some folks.  I cannot say I am a 'lesbian' without offending some folks.  In a culture that demands adherence to binary labels, this makes me what? 

"Transgenderized Heterosexual Man" with breasts and a vagina, high Estradiol and low Testosterone?

That's really messed up.  No, thank you!

OK, what am I?  What do I have to call myself to fit in to the demands of the members here?   

[Faith]

I've recently been told by members here that I am not a Real Woman, but a third gender.

Their problem

What do I have to call myself to fit in to the demands of the members here?

Not a thing. Their demands to pigeonhole others into their own definitions and calling others out for it makes them not welcome here.

I make use of the ignore option

[Michelle_P]

It's probably time to move on.  The last thing I need in my life is a 'support site' of TERFs attacking trans folks.

[Jessica]

@Michelle_P

Huh.

I am getting the feeling I am Not Welcome Here.

I've recently been told by members here that I am not a Real Woman, but a third gender.  Um, I live in a culture that operates two gender clubs, and really doesn't tolerate anyone that doesn't fit in either club.  Lots of official paperwork only accepts "Man/Male" or "Woman/Female", and nothing else.  If I am supposed to identify as something else, about all that happens is that I lose access to almost everything from medical care to police protection.  (Try telling a cop you aren't a man or a woman.  Go ahead.  I'll wait for you to be released from the Psych Hold.)

I apparently cause offense to some should I identify as 'Woman', invading and co-opting cisheteronormative womanhood, appropriating their identity and culture.  Darn.

OK, what am I?  What do I have to call myself to fit in to the demands of the members here?

I'm sorry this happened to you Michelle!

All members have the right to their own self identification and no one here has the right to object or attack members about it on the forums or PM's.
When any message or comment by a member breaks this rule, it should be reported.

Hugs, Jess

[Northern Star Girl]

SNIPPED:

Huh.
- - - - - - -
I am getting the feeling I am Not Welcome Here.
    - - - - - - -
I've recently been told by members here that I am not a Real Woman, but a third gender.
          - - - - - -
I apparently cause offense to some should I identify as 'Woman', invading and co-opting cisheteronormative womanhood, appropriating their identity and culture.  Darn.
- - - - - - -
I am attracted to femme presentation, though, and that certainly includes some women.
  - - - - - - -
OK, what am I?  What do I have to call myself to fit in to the demands of the members here?

@Michelle_P
My Dear Michelle:
Huh?  What???   You don't feel welcome here?

Please carefully read what I have to say in response to your heartfelt post.  I want to assure you that I am (and certainly many others) are most welcoming of you here on the Forums and just about anywhere else. 

Do know that there are some members here that also may not like my presence either.   I try to brush off their inhospitable attitude toward me and then concentrate on those that have formed a mutual connection with me and fully accept me here, or wherever.

I have also gotten the "not real woman" comment aimed at me by those women, especially women, that are vying for the attention of others that have expressed romantic interest in me.   I wrote about that in my old thread with regards to my (past) Male Suitor #1 as he was being romanced by another woman... SHE was so antagonistic toward me and verbally and loudly publicly (in the coffee shop)  lashed out at me calling me all the unsavory names that one could call a trans-woman such as myself.   At that point I found out who my friends really were as many of my friends that I had developed over the last 2+ years in my town came to my defense... and in the Coffee Shop, the owner and her employees really stood up for me and told the woman and man to shut up or get out.

It is obvious to me, that no matter who we are, what we are, there will always be those that like us for whom we are, and there will be those that don't.  So I pick and choose those I want to be around, and those that I don't bother with.

I belong to my gym-gals group and we go to the gym every week, there are those at the gym that still will say unsavory words to me, even though I have been convincingly full time as a woman since I relocated here over 2 years ago and only cam-out to the surprise of everyone here after a 1½ years thanks to my Suitor,Dental Hygienist #4!!!   She actually did me a big favor... no more secret for me to hide.... very liberating for sure.

So, my dear Michelle, you need to stay around here, I like you and most other members here like you.  You bring vast transgender experience and your intelligent thoughts here with your thread, and with your posts around the various threads on the Forums.  I very much enjoy reading what you have to say regarding you church groups, meetings that you speak at, and your general wisdom regarding the transgender lifestyle and experiences.   

My advise to you is simple, communicate with those that want to communicate with you and for those that don't there is always the option in your profile setting to use the many various IGNORE functions.

I am always looking forward to reading your thread and your posts whenever I login to the Forums, which is very frequently.   I hope that I have made myself clear to you...  I like to see you here on the forums and I want to continue seeing your presence here on the forums.   When I first became a member I became quite aware that
you have always been an intelligent voice of the transgender community and I wanted to read what you have to say, I trust that will continue on.
Thank YOU for listening to me...........

Many, many HUGS and continued well wishes,
Danielle

[Michelle_P]

I'm baking up a little something to share with fellow lesbians at our women's group meeting.  A bunch of us get together monthly, often with a speaker from some community organization, and there's a potluck afterward.  This is an interesting group.  I doubt there's a "gold star" in the house.  Some folks have been married to men.  Some have had children.  Some are bi, favoring women, some are queer.  I am currently the only one with a trans history.  We have old fuddie-duddies, younger folks, and everything in between, very eclectic and fun.

I have another meetup I might attend weekend after next, all women who completed the "Conscious Lesbian Dating and Love" 12 Week Roadmap course.  The idea is to get together and discuss a chapter from the book that accompanies the course, and then enjoy a potluck together.  Most of us are in the 50+ category, and I find that in this crowd I am definitely on the femme side!

Then next Monday I am facilitating our queer/trans meetup at the local LGBTQ community center, where we will be digging into a bit of trans liberation theory and trans feminism, and playing with readings from Kate Bornstein's book "Gender Outlaw".

Fun stuff coming up!  As usual I'll be out there being loud and annoying.


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[Northern Star Girl]

@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle:
I enjoyed reading your update about your women's group meeting and the wide variety of folks that you have the opportunity to meet with.  Being the only Trans in the group is a great time to let everyone experience that transgenders are just normal people with normal day to day lives. 

So, you neglected to say just what you were "whipping up" in that nice new Kitchen Aid RED Mixer that your sweetie @Laurie gave to you recently..  A cake perhaps?   Cookies?   Or something else that you can share at the meeting?

... and please, if you plan to attend the next meeting and potluck the weekend after next, that you mentioned reviewing the book "Conscious Lesbian Dating and Love" please give us your update regarding that as well.

Thank you for posting and sharing.
Many HUGS and best wishes...
Danielle

I'm baking up a little something to share with fellow lesbians at our women's group meeting.  A bunch of us get together monthly, often with a speaker from some community organization, and there's a potluck afterward.  This is an interesting group.  I doubt there's a "gold star" in the house.  Some folks have been married to men.  Some have had children.  Some are bi, favoring women, some are queer.  I am currently the only one with a trans history.  We have old fuddled-daddies, younger folks, and everything in between, very eclectic and fun.

... and please, if you plan to attend the next meeting and potluck that you mentioned reviewing the book "Conscious Lesbian Dating and Love" please give us your update regarding that as well.

I have another meetup I might attend weekend after next, all women who completed the "Conscious Lesbian Dating and Love" 12 Week Roadmap course.  The idea is to get together and discuss a chapter from the book that accompanies the course, and then enjoy a potluck together.


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[Laurie]

  What pisses me off about this is that these chicken ->-bleeped-<- attacks Michelle is talking about are not happening on Facebook or twitter or her blog. They are not happening as a result of her activist remarks and protests out in public. These hateful remarks are not coming from cis people or religious fanatics and their warped beliefs. Unless I read Michelle's post wrong, these attacks are coming from other members right here on Susan's Place!
  Who are these cowards? I don't think such behavior is condoned here.
  Regardless, in my opinion this kind of behavior should be grounds for permanent banning of the ones responsible for such attacks. Should these unsavory P.O.S.s be discovered, I hope they get the bans they rightly deserve. WTF is wrong with these people?

Huh.

I am getting the feeling I am Not Welcome Here.

I've recently been told by members here that I am not a Real Woman, but a third gender.  Um, I live in a culture that operates two gender clubs, and really doesn't tolerate anyone that doesn't fit in either club.  Lots of official paperwork only accepts "Man/Male" or "Woman/Female", and nothing else.  If I am supposed to identify as something else, about all that happens is that I lose access to almost everything from medical care to police protection.  (Try telling a cop you aren't a man or a woman.  Go ahead.  I'll wait for you to be released from the Psych Hold.)

I apparently cause offense to some should I identify as 'Woman', invading and co-opting cisheteronormative womanhood, appropriating their identity and culture.  Darn.

OK, what am I?

Then there is my orientation.  I am a very femme person, from anatomy to presentation.  (Don't co-opt 'Woman' from the cisheteronormative culture, and appropriate their identity or culture!).  I am attracted to other persons with a femme presentation.  I do not insist on knowing their karyotype, or what they might have in their briefs.  I do not know what they might have on their birth certificate.  They might identify as a 'Woman'. They might not.

I am told by gender specialists that this orientation is essentially 'lesbian', as a gender binary orientation.  Naturally, this fine old gender orientation word has acquired additional layers of meaning over time, and has been adopted by some groups to denote not merely a gender binary orientation, but a unique identity denoting a subculture of 'real women', and using this gender binary orientation label is an appropriation of lesbian identity and culture.

Worse, I am not attracted to all women!  That odd haircut with one side shaved close, that tendency of some women to wear baggy jeans and sleeveless heavy outdoor vests, all are highly unattractive to me.  The whole 'butch' thing is somewhat offputting.

I am attracted to femme presentation, though, and that certainly includes some women.

I can't say I am a 'Woman' without offending some folks.  I cannot say I am a 'lesbian' without offending some folks.  In a culture that demands adherence to binary labels, this makes me what? 

"Transgenderized Heterosexual Man" with breasts and a vagina, high Estradiol and low Testosterone?

That's really messed up.  No, thank you!

OK, what am I?  What do I have to call myself to fit in to the demands of the members here?

[Laurie]

 
  Do you all see what she does when I am not around? Yep, she is out and about, gallivanting around socializing with people! uggggh   I confess to wanting to be a fly on that lesbian course meeting though. As far as I know I put a damper on putting the lessons learned into practice because she met me just before the end of the course. (but then she does like to get out and socialize when I am not around... hmmmm) Anywho, Go to your meetings and social functions with my belssings, Michelle.

Hugs and kisses,
  Laurie

[Cindy]

 

If there are problems I want them reported and I shall deal with them.

Let us take a breath and rethink some remarks please.