Lack of dysphoria on HRT

[GordonG]

Enlightened people will treat you with the respect and decency that modern society deems appropriate. ...You can't control other people's thoughts and actions. You can control how you react.

Oh so true about so many things in life.

[Janes Groove]

If I don't see myself in the mirror, hear myself speak, or look at my clothing, I'm really not aware of much gender dysphoria most of the time.

To be honest this doesn't sound like you have your dysphoria well-managed at all.

[Linde]

Some of us are sufficiently confident in our identities that misgendering results in nothing more than the offender getting a dirty look. I know who and what I am and don't feel I need a whole lot of external validation.

I am similar to you.  I don't like misgendering, but it really does not bother me much.  I see it more like a learning procces, and try to find out why I was misgendered, to be able to eliminate this cause for it in the future.

[Jaime320]

I've been debating this for past month, but know if I stop hrt the urge will come back. Either way I've decided to just be me for now and roll with it.

[anna.changing]

The first time I was on HRT, I got to feeling so good that I became convinced that I didn't need to transition or take HRT. Coupled with a lot of stress in my life, I decided to stop HRT. My life and gender dysphoria got progressively worse after that to the point where I came dangerously close to attempting suicide.

I resumed HRT on December 15. Things have been amazing like before. But now the improvement is becoming "new normal" for me. I just feel great all the time, everyday. And I am starting to lose my intense desire and focus on transitioning.

I don't want another roller coaster of convincing myself to go off HRT go through all of that again....
...

Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

Yes, several times

I've just started HRT for the fifth time (thought it was 4, but after re-reading my journal found it's actually 5). 

Each of the first 4 times (only short periods, but over many years) I went through a very similar process to you and ended up stopping.  I had some other stuff going on in life, i.e. A very toxic relationship & very unsupportive spouse (for anything, not just gender issues). It took me a long time to resolve that part of my life, but now I've been free of that for over a year, I've got a much clearer head and have found greater acceptance of myself as trans & a woman under construction.

It's early days on HRT again for me, but I know that the right path is being on HRT, enjoying how wonderful it helps me feel, and making the most of the opportunity to plan the best possible transition.

Dealing with the other stresses in my life helped me be in a much better place starting HRT this time, and in recent days I've realised how it's helped give me more confidence to know staying on HRT, even when I feel good, is right for me.

Hugs Anna

[BlueJaye]

To be honest this doesn't sound like you have your dysphoria well-managed at all.

I guess my description of things isn't clear. What I am talking about is the baseline constant agitation that was always there no matter what I was doing. That is what I was talking about. The constant feeling of everything being wrong. The internal conflict that was always raging.

The external stuff is still there. That's why I still feel the need for transitioning. But without the internal chaos constantly nagging at me, the external stuff is only there when I see or hear it now. It's a bit hard to describe. I'm no longer consumed constantly with inner turmoil. It's now only when I am aware of outer stuff like my voice or appearance.

[pamelatransuk]

Perhaps a fair description for most of us (I know it does not help every transperson) is that HRT should help us to varying degrees both mentally and physically. For some of us nothing more than HRT is needed.

For many including myself, HRT helps us to think clearer and to be ourselves better and to plan our transition more efficiently.

Most of us realize at different times of course that HRT provides "the right fuel" and hence should be continued or resumed if previously stopped.

Hugs to all

Pamela

[Allison S]

I mostly like the physical effects of increased estrogen and supressed or nonexistant testosterone.... 2nd sex characteristics are the main goal. I was easier to anger before, and didn't cry as much... I may not see the specific emotional benefits of hrt because I'm not good with emotions. But I think transitioning and estrogen is making me face my emotions. A few more years might help me..

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[Linde]

I am still not seem to have any effects of HRT.  My emotions have not really changed, and I do not see any physical changes with my body either.
According to the newest information I have from my urologist, it seems as if my testicles gave ab the job of producing testosterone quite a while ago, which means that my feminizing is going on for quite a while already, long before I started with HRT (maybe one of the reasons that I have breasts??)
Here I am sitting, popping in those pills, and hoping to see a result at some time.  Some little bigger boobs is actually all I hope for (I hope for a C cup)

[Allison S]

I am still not seem to have any effects of HRT.  My emotions have not really changed, and I do not see any physical changes with my body either.
According to the newest information I have from my urologist, it seems as if my testicles gave ab the job of producing testosterone quite a while ago, which means that my feminizing is going on for quite a while already, long before I started with HRT (maybe one of the reasons that I have breasts??)
Here I am sitting, popping in those pills, and hoping to see a result at some time.  Some little bigger boobs is actually all I hope for (I hope for a C cup)

From what (very little, I'm not a professional on this subject) I know, a supressed level of testosterone does not result in full feminization. Only sufficient(or average for a female) levels of estrogen over a period of a few years will lead to transitioning mtf effects... I would look into injections with your doctor if you find pills aren't giving you the desired effects.

The good news is that your testosterone being supressed is optimal for feminization. Just don't ignore your estrogen level for loner than 1-3 months at a time until it's steady.

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[Linde]

From what (very little, I'm not a professional on this subject) I know, a supressed level of testosterone does not result in full feminization. Only sufficient(or average for a female) levels of estrogen over a period of a few years will lead to transitioning mtf effects... I would look into injections with your doctor if you find pills aren't giving you the desired effects.

The good news is that your testosterone being supressed is optimal for feminization. Just don't ignore your estrogen level for loner than 1-3 months at a time until it's steady.

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

My doc does not want to increase my estrogen due to fear of DVT.  He told me that he swore an oath not to hurt people, and he is proud to not have had any case of DVT since he  started to specialize in trans people 36 years ago!

One cannot forget that i have already a nice breast development without being on HRT, I had a 34 B prior to going into HRT.  Maybe that this size is all my body plans to develop, who knows?

[PurplePelican]

My doc does not want to increase my estrogen due to fear of DVT.  He told me that he swore an oath not to hurt people, and he is proud to not have had any case of DVT since he  started to specialize in trans people 36 years ago!

One cannot forget that i have already a nice breast development without being on HRT, I had a 34 B prior to going into HRT.  Maybe that this size is all my body plans to develop, who knows?

That's not a great claim if he's short changing patients on their estrogen levels. There are ways to mitigate the risk - and he should be using them.

[Allison S]

My doc does not want to increase my estrogen due to fear of DVT.  He told me that he swore an oath not to hurt people, and he is proud to not have had any case of DVT since he  started to specialize in trans people 36 years ago!

One cannot forget that i have already a nice breast development without being on HRT, I had a 34 B prior to going into HRT.  Maybe that this size is all my body plans to develop, who knows?

I meant changing the method of administration of estrogen so instead of pills you take injections... But I don't know the health of your body so definitely go with your doctors orders

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[skipulus]

I guess my description of things isn't clear. What I am talking about is the baseline constant agitation that was always there no matter what I was doing. That is what I was talking about. The constant feeling of everything being wrong. The internal conflict that was always raging.

The external stuff is still there. That's why I still feel the need for transitioning. But without the internal chaos constantly nagging at me, the external stuff is only there when I see or hear it now. It's a bit hard to describe. I'm no longer consumed constantly with inner turmoil. It's now only when I am aware of outer stuff like my voice or appearance.

I've only been 5 weeks on T and I get where you are coming from on this. I feel really good on it even thought there are still no changes except for my skin being much oilier lol. Despite oilier skin I'm feeling much better in my skin  .

My psychiatrist has already discussed that if this goes well and he is very confident that it does then we can start reducing antidepressants after a few months on T.

I have a plan that I consult and update as things progress and that helps me stay focused on the end goals. Perhaps that would help you stay on your chosen path.

[Linde]

I meant changing the method of administration of estrogen so instead of pills you take injections... But I don't know the health of your body so definitely go with your doctors orders

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My health insurance will not cover injections!