Another Confession

[MadisonJoan]

I have PTSD.

From bullying and abuse.

In addition to all the other issues I have (autism, depression, anxiety, paranoia, and gender dysphoria), I also have PTSD.  Everytime I have a flashback to the bullying and abuse, I feel like I want to hurt or even kill somebody.  It hurts like hell.  And I cannot get it out of my head.

Would HRT alleviate some of that?

MadisonJoan.

[Northern Star Girl]

I have PTSD.

From bullying and abuse.

In addition to all the other issues I have (autism, depression, anxiety, paranoia, and gender dysphoria), I also have PTSD.  Everytime I have a flashback to the bullying and abuse, I feel like I want to hurt or even kill somebody.  It hurts like hell.  And I cannot get it out of my head.

Would HRT alleviate some of that?

MadisonJoan.

@MadisonJoan
After reading your post my very first thought is that you really should have a serious discussion with your doctor and with your therapist and/or your gender therapist about all the physical and mental health issues, and feelings and reactions that you are dealing with and certainly you need to have their opinion regarding
    if you can safely add HRT and transitioning to the mix.   
Have you already been discussing your possible transitioning plans with any of them? 

Anyway, that is my best suggestion and response.... all the emotions that you mentioned are obviously serious things that can affect your future and well-being, so I am hoping and praying that you can get some of those things properly taken care of and medically discussed before you move too far forward with your transition plans.   Transitioning will certainly give you a new "life" focus and could possibly help....  or it could make things worse.

I will be eagerly looking for your follow up posts and comments as you sort these issues out.   Do the safe thing, talk to the professionals regarding all what you mentioned.
Here on the forums we are your biggest fans and are always rooting for you.

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

[MadisonJoan]

Thank you Danielle.  That's what the therapist told me when I renewed my treatment plan a week and a half ago. 

[Tessa James]

Hey Madison,

Its a bit like predicting the weather and you know we are fond of the saying "your mileage may vary".  But, we can share our personal experience as anecdotal;  What i felt after starting HRT was wonderful changes in my well being that included far less of the aggressive and driven sense of urgency relative to daily matters and my libido too.  I felt an inner calm and peace for the first time in my life!  What we cannot parse out or clearly know is how much a difference our growing self and social acceptance can make vs the hormonal impacts.  Your journey is yours to interpret.

We talk about having the right hormonal "fuel" and the decreases in dysphoria so many of us know to be true after starting HRT.  Yes it gets better and if you have opportunities for peer support or counseling with professionals then you may strengthen your circle of support all the more.  Good luck

[MadisonJoan]

Thank you beautiful.

[MadisonJoan]

Sorry to hear that.  Anyway, I've been:

Swatted many times
Belted a few times by my dad
Had my property stolen and/or destroyed
Had a gun pointed to my head
Got called the "r-word" and the "fa-word." (I used the words and got deleted by a bot in another Discord server).
Punched, kicked, hit with sticks
Rejected by both boys and girls
Had my nipples twisted
Hit in the head
Had stuff thrown at me
And other horrible stuff.

[Susan Baum]

Hi, MadisonJoan
After reading the abuses you listed, my first thought was that you are a survivor! Really!

Retaliation and revenge are powerful emotions that you have been strong enough to resist; some of what happened to you could have broken a lesser person or enabled/encouraged them to stoop to the level of the abuser(s). And even with this in your past, you still found the strength to face your dysphoria. Survivor.

When I was a child, I also experienced some abuse from my father (it was called "discipline" in the 1950's and 60's) which resulted in one hot tempered and verbally abusive adult but when I let Susan out ("just" CDing at the time), I realized I never even got angry at stuff that would have driven <deadname> into the abyss. I did anger management therapy for a year - it didn't help. But facing my dysphoria and starting HRT changed things for the better - when I put "him" out of my life, his raging anger disappeared forever.

While ymmv, I don't know if HRT will help your PTSD but I do know it won't hurt it.

Hugs
Susan