I started HRT ten days ago! Very exciting.
I am by nature very distrustful of medications, though, very cautious. I don't like them and only take them when I have to. This, of course, is a "have to," and I'm glad to finally begin, so my plan has been to start with Spiro at a low dose, go with it slowly for a while, see how I tolerate it, then up the dose cautiously.
Had my first appointment with my guy about a month ago for a meet-n-greet and to order labs. He seemed okay enough to work with. It so happens that he's actually a GP, not a board-certified endocrinologist, but he's been working with trans people for years, particularly with older gals like me, and he's embedded in the local research community, so it's not like he's some upstart.
My labs all came back clean, and ten days ago I went to my appointment to review them and get my Rx for the Spiro. Haven't exactly felt any physical changes yet from the Spiro - no increased frequency of urination or cravings for sodium, for example - but then again I'm a rapid metabolizer. I p much need a double dose of any med before my body starts to notice it. And no doubt, greater changes are still to come. I have been feeling different, if not physically, just attitudinally. My baseline sense of general misanthropy has lifted a fair bit.
While at that second appointment, I also scheduled my annual physical exam with him. What the heck, he is a GP, and I was due. He was nice enough to offer to see me this past Sunday when he comes in to do weekly paperwork.
He did a good workup, looked down my throat, looked up my birth certificate, yaddah yaddah. Because I was tolerating the Spiro so well, he suggested I raise the dose again for a week, then move up to a high maintenance dose. Coolio.
Then he started talking about estrogen and its different modes of administration.
Estrogen, I protested, was not in the plans. At least, not yet. I at least wanted to be cautious, to wait until after the equinox, as my mood disorder can flare up around that time of year. Sure, he says, but we can still talk about the different ways you can do E while bypassing the liver. We talk about the patch. The gel. The shot. I allow as I'm okay with all of them, that I rather enjoy needles, but a patch sounds like a rash waiting to happen and the gel sure sounds easy.
He produces a sample pack of the gel. Comes in a little box containing a black plastic case that has seven slots in it, each with a little silver foil sachet of what I've been dreaming about for years.
Dang.
"Why don't you take it home and think it over?" He says. "When you're ready, you just apply one a day to your thigh and rub it in."
Dang.
Double Dang.
Double-Dog Dang.
I face him, my thoughts whirling a mile a minute. This is a real moment of truth for me, folks. Am I ready? I know what I want. I know what my heart says is right. My head says to take it slow. I hate meds. I'm cautious with meds. I don't like introducing meds into my body. Spiro is one thing, but moving to E feels like committing to going past the Point of No Return. I should sit with this, meditate upon it, ask Athena's guidance. The changes will be coming fast and furious if I do this. I'll have to fess up. No more fooling around. Time to be honest with myself.
I reach for the box.
I've been on E for four days now, and you know what? This stuff is great! I'm starting to believe in all that pink cloud nonsense. I'm telling you, natal XX women have been holding out on us.
Happily transitioning,
Battle Goddess
